mymiserablelife Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 I have four kids total. One 7 yr old daughter, a 3 yr old son which are from a previous relationship and a 1 month old son which is from me and my current husband and a 3 yr old daughter which is from my husband's prior relationship. My 7 yr old daughter and 3 yr old son are very smart, and respectable for the most part. They abide by our rules in our home. When my husband's daughter comes to visit that is a different story. She whines, throws fits, anything to get her wy. She gets to stay up til whatever time she wants to but on the other hand my kids go to bed at 8:30p.m latest. I do not know if I am overreacting or what. In my opinion I am just looking out for the best interest of my kids. My husband will play and tease the 7 yr old and 3 yr old boy to the point of screaming at the top of there lungs but yet is so gentle and carefree with his 3 yr old daughter. My 7 yr old can beg for my husband to play with her on the trampoline or take her to the pool and he will always put it off. This coming up weekend his 3 yr old daughter is coming to visit and he wants to go to the pool, go to the indoor fun park here in town. Is it just me or does that seem like he is catering to his 3 yr old daughter and neglecting my kids? His family!!! God that's another chapter to this long book. His sister's and grandparents hardly ever come to visit my 7 yr old, 3 yr old and my newborn and we only live a lil over an hour and a hald away but yet they drove almost 6 hours one way to get his 3 yr old daughter. The way it looks to me is the 3 yr old daughter is the " GOLDEN CHILD " and my two kids are like the black sheep of the family and that is not going to play out with me. I just can't sit back and watch my kids being pushed off to the side. I swore to my husband that I wouldn't let it get to me but it is just eating at me. Someone please help!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Bobbie Posted June 8, 2004 Share Posted June 8, 2004 what you are going through is very common, it takes a long while for mixed step and natural children to blend as a family unit. Be patient- it could take years before she ( and you ) are fully at ease. We all feel differently about another person's children compared to our own, so that's the first place to start- acceptance. Accepting the situation, and that your feelings of 'eating at you' are normal. But they are NOT the child's responsibility. At all costs be kind to that child, or you will damage your relationship; no one can choose between their partner or their child without resentment later. Look how you are already questionning your partner's commitment & treatment of your children... One of my dearest friends came between her husband and his child from the previous marriage, and she has reaped what she sowed in her immature jealousy, her husband is so messed-up now. She says that she tried with the child for a couple of years, and when the child ( by then age 8 ) didn't respond she refused to deal with her any more, addressed her as 'brat' and spoke of her negatively to the second marriage children/ anyone who'd listen. There's tons of info on the internet about coping with stepchildren eg http://www.ivillage.com/topics/relation/0,,166912,00.html Both you and your husband need to sit down and talk this through and take time to learn how to parent stepchildren; if you do I'm sure you'll all have plenty of fun mixed family times ahead. Link to post Share on other sites
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