MollyBloom Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 The post about the father allowing his son to watch porn made me think of a recurring question that I have. What age is appropriate to start speaking to children about sex? I never got a sex talk--my parents handed me a christian-based book with basic information that really wasn't even relevant to today's world (When a man loves a woman very much, he marries her...). Actually, they just had me read it. They didn't discuss it with me. Of course, I eventually picked up what I needed to know, but thank goodness nothing catastrophic happened along the way. I remember hearing the phrase "oral sex" when I was really little and I became frightened because it made me think that a woman could get pregnant from kissing the wrong way. Does anyone else have memories of things like this? I know that when I have children, I want them to grow up viewing their bodies and sexuality in a positive light. I have heard of people explaining "where babies come from" to little ones in various ways, such as making a hole with one hand using the index finger of the other to show how a daddy's *insert little kid name for penis* goes into a mommy to make a baby. I know that, with children, you can almost always assume that they know more than you think. But what to tell them, and when? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 There are plenty of excellent parenting books and sites out there that discuss this. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 You are not alone. I never got "the talk" either. I had a health class in grade school---all the girls in one room, all the boys in another---and they showed a film about menstruation and the forensics of reproduction. My mother told me that people had to be in love and married and any girl that had sex before marriage was a tramp and would go to hell. (She did say "girl" not "anyONE" and insinuated that boys would be frowned upon, but wouldn't go to hell, but didn't go into any detail) About a year after I had my first period she left the same books on reproduction on my bedside table along with the book "Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore" to teach me the dangers of drugs. Somehow I learned too. *sigh* My kids were very young when they began asking where babies come from. I began my talk ....."when two people love each other...." and I explained about the forensics of a sperm and an egg. I guess they were around 3 or 4. About a year after that I had to explain about a penis and vagina and I did use the correct words, I wanted them to be comfortable with that, although their daddy called them both "pee pee's" for a long time! Mixing my own morals and values in was interesting, and our 'talks' became a yearly thing as they each grew and had new experiences and learned more. Thankfully both my kids asked questions and were not nearly so terrified and embarassed and appalled as I was with my mother! Link to post Share on other sites
Matilda Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 I've been thinking a lot about this lately too. I have a daughter on the verge of puberty, and after reading on this site how some people started having sex at the age of 12, well that's pretty scary. I have already told her the basics of sex, how babies are made, and the penis-vagina stuff. This was when she was about 7 I think. I've also told her, last year, about getting her period: what it might feel like, look like, and what to do when it happens. Plus, I've been showing her what I do when I get my period. Now, I'm wondering if I should go into more detail about sex, different variations etc. I know she hears stuff at school, has talked about people being gay and things like that. Or maybe get her a good book on the subject. The thing is, I'm actually pretty comfortable talking about sex, but I don't want to tell her too much too soon. And I can remember when my mother talked to me about sex, it felt really strange, but maybe that's okay. I guess I really need to go ahead and tell her about oral sex and touching etc., since those are the things that are likely to happen first. It's just so hard, because she's my daughter, and she's really still a child. But, she has already started developing, so I know I have to. Any suggestions? I will look for some of the information moimeme suggested, since I think this summer is the time to talk about this. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 Here's one link for starters: http://www.pta.org/parentinvolvement/healthsafety/hs_talking_sex.asp Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 My daughter's school has a program every girl has to attend in the fifth and sixth grades. They give them a lot of information, samples and such ... the downside is that my daughter is now anxious for her period to begin because they made it sound so interesting. Go figure. I don't recall ever being excited about getting a period but then she is only 11 LOL. We spent a lot of time going over the information she was given, and we included her sister who is only 16 months younger. So far they seem to understand, and I told them that if they came up with a question that I couldn't answer, we would look it up at the library. We also discussed boys, how they should respect themselves and not be afraid to tell anyone if someone does something that makes them uncomfortable. My daughter has started to develop so we talked about the bras and undershirts, and she thought that was cool cause of course we had to go shopping. I know they can't stay little forever, but can't someone put the teenage stage on hold til I am ready? Link to post Share on other sites
azgirl Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 Hi guys! Just came across this one and had to get in on it. I applaud all of you who are TALKING to your children about sex. Because let me just remind all of you (due to a recent experience I had) that if YOU don't someone else will. I watch my best friend's son for her several nights a week while she works. He is eight. He and I have a good relationship - we get along very well. I'm kind of Mom2. She is a single mother. I do not have children of my own yet. So ... Last week I found out that this little guy - I'll call him J - has discovered the F word. Told me (in my ear because I told him it was ok) that he had seen a picture (at the park) of a guy "Fu*king his girl" ??!?!?!?! Oh boy! After mulling this one over I had a chat with J because I KNOW his mother has not had the sex talk with him and I was curious about what he saw and how he knew to call it fu*king. I asked him this question (hoping it was written near the drawing or something) and he told me some "sick kids at school" had told him. So ... I asked him if he knew what that meant. And he said, "yes it means sex." I asked him if he knew what sex was and naturally - it was the "sick" kids at school that told him. Yikes! Bottom line - PARENTS need to talk to their kids about sex. It's good to know that some of you are. Link to post Share on other sites
ziggue Posted June 5, 2004 Share Posted June 5, 2004 Kids mainly learn from School, Magazines, Friends, TV and Movies. Never got the sex talk from my parents either. They just told me don't get pregnant! Then put on a video for me and my sister to watch. They do that at Schools too. Remember that in Year 6 and High School. Unknown to them we already knew about the birds and the bees from all of the above mentioned. Lol. I agree with parents talking to kids about sex. That way the kids will probably have more of their parents values of their idea of sex too then I guess. If they don't do it soon enough then they will find out eventually from another place no matter how old they are. Link to post Share on other sites
Matilda Posted June 5, 2004 Share Posted June 5, 2004 Thanks for the link Moimeme. Maybe I should ask my daughter what she already knows, and has heard from all the other sources, and then go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
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