In a financial rut with disabled kids and a bad marriage

[T0296]

I have 2 mentally handicapped kids, and I feel like I'm stuck in a bad marriage because of the limitations I face as a woman who is financially dependent on their

father. Anybody else out there in the same or similar position? Anyone with

experience who can offer some encouragement? Thanks!

[sportsloving]

I don't have any experience or similar experiences~ but I sure do wish you tons of luck and love~

 

My step sister has a deaf child, and I can't say that Carley is treated any differently than any of the other grand kids ... but she is precious to me because she doesn't take things for granted the other kids do. But that is just me.

[Hippiechic592000]

I really feel alot of empathy for you. I have two kids that have ADHD and are emotionally disturbed. I had to leave their father when they were young in fear for my life, he is an adult with ADHD. Yes it has been a long road and we as parents will always protect our young even through relationships I have found that I have spent more time with my kids than even myself. There are support groups now these days for parents that have to face these issues. If you can find a group near you that might help not only with your understanding but with you personally. I really wish that men knew how it is for the mothers to take care of even normal children let alone disabled kids. It's twice as hard. Don't feel guilty about not working the 40 week outside the house, I'm sure that you put alot more hours than that in the house, with your children, and spouse. Keep your head up take care of those that need you most, mainly you. Things will get better. Time has a way of figuring out what we can't today

[meanon]

I have a close friend who has a disabled child and was in a dreadful marriage, she's now divorced. It can put a tremendous strain on the marriage, do you get respite care? Are you part of a support group for other Mums in a similar position? Is there anything you can do to reduce the degree of financial dependence? You probably need the little time you have free for yourself but if you can do an evening class or study by correspondence it may well be a wise investment in the long run.

[T0296]

Thanks for responding, at least now I know that I'm not alone.

Well, I already knew that because I have seen plenty of folks who have it alot

harder than me, but thanks anyway.

I had to leave my full time job because I couldn't find any kind of child care for

my sons, believe me, I tried. I am lucky to have found a part time job in a school,

but there's no benefits available. I have no respite provider, and no family nearby,

so it's pretty-much me and the boys, all the time. Their father is not a bad man, by any means, he's just made it clear that he doesn't love me anymore and we have to

take care of the kids. While I agree with him, I don't see why the two of us have to be lonely for the rest of our lives! Oops, #1 son is awake!

[kistbythemoon]

Hi! I have a child with Down Syndrome and a congenital hear defect. He is beautiful. It does take a toll on my marriage though. I wouldn't change anything about him but it is hard to find child care for him. He needs therapy twice a week and has a bit of trouble eating. I have to say that I probably would not be with his dad right now if it weren't for the love and devotion that it takes to raise any child... but especially one with a disability. I feel that I need and want to stay home with him to make sure he gets all that he needs. It is hard to stay because of the abuse that I endure but I manage.

 

I have to applaud you for your love and concern for your children. So many of us get into relationships that cause harm to our babies. I happen to be one of those people. It is hard to get out. It is hard to maintain the ability to care for yourself let alone your little ones. I only hope that I can do a good job of raising him so that it will all be worth it.

[T0296]

Kistbythemoon, too bad we don't live near each other, we could trade off on

respite care! I am amazed how much better I feel, just typing these anonymous emails!

[Matilda]

I can relate too. I have a child with a disability, and don't work because I need to care for him. My marriage is a good one, thank goodness, but I have wondered (when I'm po'd at my husband ) what on earth I would do, if our marriage did go bad. I guess I would tough it out like you are doing. Is marriage counseling an option? Or perhaps going to counseling yourself?

 

I had a hard time accepting my son's condition, and last fall I started going to a counselor, and it was a huge help to me. I went in the mornings, when my kids were in school, about every 2 weeks, for a few months. My husband's work had a program that paid for it. Once I got myself back, I was able to be closer to my husband, and be a better wife and mother.

 

One more thing, I have hired a couple of college girls and trained them to do therapy with my son. Maybe you could do something similar, but just for respite? The first few times they come, you would be there to show them how to handle your children, and let them both get used to each other. Then leave them for short periods, and then longer periods. Just a thought.

 

I feel for you, and I wish I had some really great advice.

[Stone]

I have a severaly disabled chid and I am a very young single mother. 1st let me say god bless you this is the hardest challenge I have ever faced and I left his father at the begining of his disibility. and never looked back.

 

2nd There are alot of resources that can help you with your financial situation but unfortuanatly they go by your joint income.

 

3rd I have much to say about this topic and will be happy to be of support to you. I'll send you PM because I sould write about this forever.