pantherprr Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 I have been tested by my boyfriend's 10 year old daughter for the last 2 years. Her mother has supervised vistitation and isn't around that much. When she does promise to see her daughter she falls way short of those promises and because i am the woman that is around the daughter takes her anger out on me. I have had her bite me, kick me, be rude, yell etc. Currently we have traveled a long way to get to the point where she no longer does these things to me. However she when her dad comes home from work she starts yelling at him being rude, she also treats my 8 year old son in this manner when her father is home, She will have a whole weekend with her dad And no one else around and the very next day tell her father how she needs to spend more time with just him exculding myself and my son. My boyfriend will go along with it because he wants to compensate for the fact that her mother is the way she is. I get to the point where i don't want to talk or do anything with his daughter because of the way she acts and the worst part of it is that My son tries to pull these things off because he looks up to her and of course he gets in trouble because i will not allow that level of disrespect. My boyfriend and i have had several heart to hearts about this issue and somethings have changed but not all. Please help i don't know whatelse to do Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 I would no longer subject my son or myself to her outbursts until her Dad agreed to put her into therapy. She is obviously hurt and acting out due to her situation with her Mom. It's understandable...but still a dangerous area once she begins acting violent against you and your child. You have no choice but to get her help or get out. It's potentially an exlosive situation that he needs to address as soon as possible. If not, he may have a teenager on his hands who dives into sex and drugs in order to ease her inner pain. It would be best to get her the help she needs.... NOW. Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 Her father needs to take responsibility for his daughter by taking her to see a therapist. I feel sorry for everyone involved in this unfortunate situation. A child really needs their gender parent. Link to post Share on other sites
dixiepix Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 I had/have the same problem with my twelve yr. old biological daughter. I have been divorced from her "sperm donor" which is what I now call him because he has never been a father to her. We were married 4 years before I left and she was almost 3. He too has supervised visitation when he decides to visit. It is definitely a merrry go round when it comes to the broken promises, missed Christmas/birthday calls/presents. He calls maybe once every two months, mostly too busy to talk to her, just to give some lame excuse why he can't send child support. We finally moved from the area in which he lived about 4 years ago. That is when the aggressive behavior toppled toward my husband/ her stepfather...screaming, kicking, fighting. Finally, right before her 12th birthday, I dropped the divorce papers, newspaper article and police report in her lap to read and discuss as she wished. Knowing and somewhat accepting that sometimes people are just not cut out to be parents has helped her deal with the anger. And she knows that any time she wants to talk about the situation she can. I explain to her that he has within himself the ability to change his ways for her if he chooses to. Nobody can make him and he hasn't made much of an effort to be a father thus far...not to expect anything. Be openly honest when discussing things regarding the unavailable parent. Don't sugar coat anything regarding the mother's actions. Don't judge, just be honest or ask "realization questions". Why do you think she would do that? My husband and I both get the "you need to spend more time with me thing, mostly directed at me. Things that are currently working for us are as follows.... 1. I verbally let her know that we are spending time together when we go shopping, or go to Wal Mart. 2. Every once in a while when I have she and I have a day off together, we will go out to eat and see a movie. 3. I also bring up the fact that she wants to spend time together at her convenience; when she's not watching t.v. or playing her computer. I remind her that spending time together goes both ways...she has to give a little too. 4. As far as her disrespecting me or my husband, we worked our way through the "fits". She now gets grounded. I also made her well aware that if she ever hit or kicked either of us again, that right after I hit her back, I would call the police and necessary steps would be taken to put her in a girls home. She is now almost as tall as I and weighs almost the same as well. 5. Also, as for spending extended amounts of time together, we do weekend things as a family as money permits. Period. Don't give up on her. When you do something nice for her, verbally tell her. Most of the time, kids that age just expect small everyday things you do for them. EX. I made it a point to wash your blue shirt today because I know it is your favorite and you like to wear it on Friday. Try to do this often. Even still, the "smart mouth will be around ---that is just two females, puberty and hormones. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Originally posted by Fedup&givingup Her father needs to take responsibility for his daughter by taking her to see a therapist. I feel sorry for everyone involved in this unfortunate situation. A child really needs their gender parent. No they don't. Link to post Share on other sites
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