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My little sister is letting things get out of hand with her boyfriend and I'm worried


dreaming4ever

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dreaming4ever

Hi,

I urgently need your guy's help! I have a little sister (not biologically) who is 14 and sometimes I feel like her mother because her real mother does not take care of her properly. Anyways, my point is that she is only 14 years old, just has her FIRST boyfriend and things are getting out of control. She looks up to me and I've always tried to teach her good things and to make smart choices in life, etc.

 

Anyways, I talk to her friends sometimes that are also 14 and I just found out her and her boyfriend are experimenting with different sexual things which scares the crap out of me because I thought at 14 all they'd be doing is making out! Things are getting way out of hand and when she goes to his house nobody watches them and they try different things and I just don't think she should be doing stuff like that at her age and letting things get out of hand just cuz they FEEL good....anyone know how I can knock some sense into her considering she is NUTS about this guy and won't listen to anyone???? I don't want her to end up pregnant, how do i scare her or something??? PLZ, i need your help!!!

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Not much point in using 'scare' tac tics, generations of teenagers testify that it doesn't work and anyway, sounds like she's waaayyy past where that would have any effect; nothing replaces good, honest and straight forward communication.

 

You'll just have to sit her down and have a frank discussion with her. Find out her mind (and body) set. Find out how much she knows about contraception and venereal diseases; if she's feeling pressured to go further than she wants. If she feels because she's in 'love' she has to have sex.

 

Explain that even though she may feel 'ready' physically at 14 there is no way she is emotionally or mentally ready for a sexual relationship or the responsibilities that entails. See if she's open to putting the breaks on how far she'll go. It's surprising how few kids value chastity or realize how deeply they may regret giving away their virginity too early - answer any questions she has, give her other options.

 

There was a thread here at LS with a kid asking how she could say 'no' to her boyfriend so if she is feeling unsure of the restraints she can put maybe you could help see how she can put her foot down or limit the 'experimenting' to kissing etc. Maybe allowing them to do homework (or whatever they're calling it nowadays) at your house so that they can be together without parents checking up on them but without being completely unsupervised either.

 

LS has had some good threads with kids her age contemplating sex and the warnings given by those more experienced, maybe reading through some together and discussing them might help.

 

Finally, I'd do what my brothers did with every boy interested in me from when I was old enough to wear my first training bra - find her boyfriend, explain the law (and what happens when accused of statutory rape) and tell him if he gets her in trouble you will see that his sorry butt is thrown in jail AFTER you've beaten cr*p out of him.

 

Good luck,

R.

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dreaming4ever

Thanks but I don't know what will work. She's really close to me and so I've told her that sex is not something you do at 14 and she knows about all the consequences. The guy that she's with is a guy she's liked for like 6 months, she's absolutely INSANE about this guy and a couple weeks ago he FINALLY asked her out. So, she's in the situation where she's not sure if she should be doing this stuff and doesn't want to stop him when he does stuff to her because she doesn't want him to leave her. Plus, all these feelings are so new to her and they obviously feel good so she doesn't WANT to say no. I'm trying to teach her to have morals and to respect herself but she just thinks I'm being like "an adult" which is totally "not cool" according to her.

 

She's a smart girl, she REALLY is. But her head is SO FAR in the clouds, I can't get through to her and I'm the one person in her life that she ALWAYS listens to!!! I don't live in the same town with her so there's no way she can see her boyfriend at my house. I'm thinking of telling her mom what's going on so she won't be able to go to his house anymore. And I know the guy won't do anything with her at school because he likes things done in privacy.

 

The strange part is that my little sister's boyfriend is a nice kid, he really is, they just keep getting carried away and I don't know what to say to get through to them. I've told him I'd kick his ass if he hurts her or does anything to her and he knows that....what more can I do?? Plus both of them know the consequences of sex and stuff like that....it's just like they're both so new to the situation....i think it could be solved if they're not allowed to see each other after school....ugh...this is so frustrating!!!!

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