Jump to content

Those DANG Teenagers!!!


Recommended Posts

I was raised by a drunk step-father who beat me on a regular basis. This is why I vowed never to hit my kids. But I have to say that I am getting real close to clobbering my eldest!! I can place a lot of the blame on myself, for instance, I never really spanked him or had him on any kind of chore regiment. Plus, he's seen me get into a lot of trouble with my alcoholism. So I think, know, that he's lost a lot of respect for me and I can't blame him. But how does one remind that little mini-me that I am still the HNIC?

The other day I come home from work and I see all the report cards on the bar so I start to look through them. Well, the eldest has an F in Algebra. ( My favorite subject ). I was shocked because this kid has had straight A's all his life!!! So I asked as calm as I could, "Have you spoken with you Teacher about how to bring this up?". He just lost it on me man!!! He replied, "I don't want to talk about my grades right now", he didn't even look up from his nintendo when he said it either. So I said, "EXUSE ME?", he snapped back, "Talk to her about them I'm done talking about them!" The, "her" of course is my Wife. So I quickly reminded him that I really didn't care what HE wanted to do, I want to talk about them and not with her, with him. Of course he got defensive and we got into a screaming match for a bit. All I get now are grunts and shrugs when I talk to him and I really want to be closer with him if he would let me. After all, he is my eldest and will be representing my name out in the real world soon enough. So how does one remain in charge while at the same time have a personal relationship with his kids?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Teenagers are so hard, I wish I should apoligise every day to my parents for being so awaful..is your child new in high school? I often see a change in kids at about 9th grade. I can imagine this is stressful but just remember he will grow out of it

 

Although if he had an F on his report card there would be no Nintendo in my house.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think there has to come a time when they know you are stronger than they are. If not, who can they depend on to take care of them? It's your reactions which teach them how to react appropriately. Sometimes it can be in a spanking when they are younger, but after a certain age....you have to play the game like a well tuned politician. HAHA!

 

I'm a pretty slack parent when it comes to tons of rules and regulations, but I DO have limits they can't cross.

 

Too bad when kids turn 12, you don't automatically get a 10 year supply of Prozac and beer. It's ONLY FAIR! :laugh::laugh:

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Actually, he's never been to School anywhere else in his life. He's been there since pre-school so he's got the run of the place. He's very, VERY popular and doesn't seem to have any noticable problems. He's also a councelor for our Church so drugs never entered my mind. And you're right, he shouldn't of had the nintendo after having an F. That's another problem in our house if you will, my Wife doesn't stand her ground and allows the kids to walk all over her...I'm not there 24/7, ( Although that would be nice ) so I count on her to discipline the kids when I'm not there. He has lost all respect for me and I don't see a way to get it back an time soon. I so much don't want him to leave home! I left when I was 15 and had a rough time making it through School and College on my own. I want to be there to help him. BTW Heather, I REALLY LOVE YOUR AVATAR!!!!!

Link to post
Share on other sites
krbshappy71

Um, just wondering what his other grades were? Could he have been upset you only focused on the bad grade when the rest were okay? Perhaps felt you only see the negative? I fall into that trap occasionally since my kids get good grades, I tend to get uptight if they don't, you know? When really I should not take the good grades for granted as they take hard work to earn. Just a thought.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I believe I can relate to this situation. Not very long ago I was a teenager, and I had some serious problems with my father.

 

There is a quote that some say Mark Twain should be attributed to, and that others say cannot be attributed to him. Anyway, here it is:

 

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

 

That could not be more true!

 

I despised my father for everything that he was until, perhaps, two years ago. I am now 21, and I found that I learned a great deal from him. I now admire my father, and I have yet to meet anyone who has worked harder in life for what they have than he has. I still dislike him from time to time, but I have grown to understand him more.

 

My father also had problems with alcohol, and from what I understand his father hit the bottle quite frequently, and tended to break out the belt fairly often. I've been in many fist fights with my dad, verbal exchanges of harsh words, and a great many other uncomfortable situations.

 

I now see that he had a lot to teach me, whether I realized it or not. I do wish he had been there more for me as a child, but it doesn't do any good for me to blame him for having had problems with alcohol. The point is that he stopped drinking years ago, and even if he still has a stubborn attitude he's tolerable :)

 

Don't lose hope. In time your son will grow to appreciate you as a father.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Thanks for all the replies. I shouldn't have focused on just the bad grade. It seems that is a problem of mine.....I've even caught him telling his Mom that all I do is pick on the negative things he does or says. I need to change that habit. And I do feel like even though he dislikes me now in time he'll understand where I was coming from and perhaps respect me for it.

The question still lies for the here and now. How do I treat him? I can't just let him have the run of my house and continue to show disrespect in front of his siblings and friends. I've tried to set him down and talk to him but all I get is this drop dead look from his face with his arms crossed and him staring at the ground. No response, no nothing. When that happens, our talks turn into lectures, and I hate lectures!!!.

I've even tried to write him a letter since we can't seem to talk to each other. That of course didn't work. What should I do?

Link to post
Share on other sites
lostandblurred

Being a young miscreant myself, my advice is to let the kid alone for a little. Back off a little, show him that you don't need to control his life. It's really hard to stay mad, even at a parent, if you have nothing to go on for a while. After a while, maybe you can try a joke. I cannot tell you how many times I've been pretty angry with my own father and had to relinquish that anger for laughter despite myself. Sometimes a good Jack Nicholson impression can get you a long way.

 

I appreciate some space after conflicts, and then I let things slowly shift back to normal. Don't keep going back to what made him angry in the first place -- move on, and he will have no choice but to do the same. Show him detached respect, and, in time, some humor. In my opinion, at least, that's the best way to do things.

 

Anyway, you sound like a fine father -- I'm sure things will be back to normal before long.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...