calithin83 Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 im 20 years old and my curfew is 10pm. im soon going to be 21 on july...im going to college and soon gonna transfer, i just dont havea job but im a full time student so atleast im getting my education. ANyways my parents are strict, the curfew of 10pm bugs me but they dont get it. even when i come at 10 theyre still upset, they always want me to tell them where im going. I know they just do it cos they care but they gotta trust me and know that i make my choices now and i wont do anything stupid. plus i have a cell phone and they can reach me at so why trip?? ANyways i want to go this weekedn from Fri-Sun to Fresno, with my bf to visit his dads house, but i havent told my parents cos i fear that they will say NO, or that they will be upset cos i asked. Ive gone twice before, but the first time they let me because i begged and the 2nd they let me but then they didnt, but somehow i stil went but my mom was mad cos i went so she didnt pick up my calls when i called her from fresno. this was a year ago.....now i wanna go back cos my bfs dad invited me for his birthday plus i have lots of fun there, its a nice family who is not so strict. How should i ask my parents and convince them to let me go???? i know that what they fear is the fact that they dont knwo who im sleeping with or what room and they are worried if me and my bf have sex. But they dont understand that i already have had sex with him, cmon ive been with him 3 years and i love him alot. Ive never told him that cos they would KILL ME, they are really religious and expect me to wait til marriage or soemthing. so i would never tell them..... but anyways thats theyre worry i think,....anyways i dunno what to say or do so they can understand me and just let me go... and just let me be and make my own choices and not always being on my back like im a little girl.. pleease Help!!!! thanxz p.s. they like my boyfriend, theyve met him and my mom rfeally likes him so thats not a probl;em i just think SEX is..theyre afraid i have sex when i already have!! UGHJ but dont tell em;-p Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 I'm not a parent but I hope you don't mind me throwing my dime in... I'd be more concerned about you hiding things from your parents out of FEAR, and not being open with them than wanting to go to a party with your boyfriend, even if it is with his family. You're twenty. You've been intimate, and since you were eighteen you had the right to be. I don't know why your curfew is so early, but if you live with them there are certain things that need to be respected. I'd worry more about having a very long talk with your parents about who you are and how they are affecting you with how they treat you. Parents that are this restrictive always seem to have children that get into so much more bad than they ought to. You're already an adult, although not full-fledged just yet. As for the party just ask them. Go along with what they have to say. Arguing with them about it and begging them probably won't help them respect your privacy and space any more than they already are. Just worry more about talking to them about how you feel. Again I don't know your situation. For you to be twenty years old and your parents to be so restrictive could be for a very good reason. Link to post Share on other sites
BabyGirl Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 At 18 years old your considered an adult...I've never heard of a 20 year old having such an early curfew...although I can understand your parents not wanting you to come in at all hours, since your living under their roof. But a 10:00 curfew is more suitable for a 15 year old. My suggestion would be to discuss the situation with your parents as an adult. Try to make a reasonable compromise...if they won't compromise...look for a job, and a roommate to share an apartment with. Link to post Share on other sites
Errol Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 as difficult as it may be, if you want to be treated as an adult then you are going to have to talk WITH (not to) your parents about your life. I don't know all the circumstances of your life or their reasons (for as long as my kids live with me they have an 11:00pm curfew on the weekends and 10:00pm during the week because I don't want to be woken up if they come in any later -- I have to get up and go to work) but you need to really understand their reasons and not just guess at what you think they are. You cannot address the concerns accurately unless you know. IF it is because they are afraid of you being sexually active with your bf, then you need to tell them -- in a nice way - not in a confrontational way - that you have been brought up to look out for yourself and that they did a good job in making sure you have the necessary information you need about sex and reporduction and diseases, but that they also need to accept that you make your own decisions about your body and what you do with it. Be honest and tell them that a curfew does not prevent premarital sex. Assure them that you are not sleeping around with everyone and are in a safe and comitted relationship. There will be parental chaperone when you go away -- your bf's father. I don't know if he will allow you and your bf to share a room in his house - but if he does not then you can assure your parents that you will be in a guest room. You might even call your bf's father and ask him to speak with your parents. I would (and have) spoken to the parents of my kids SO's. At your age it really is none of your parents business if you are sexually active, but from a parents perspective I would want to know because I'm concerned for my kids physical and emotional health in a relationship and I want to be there for them if they have questions and/or to comfort them should they need it. You might even tell your parents that you want to be open with them because you love them and don't want to hurt them and would like to feel that you can come to them with questions or if you need support and not be embarassed or afraid to. I'm sure that this will be difficult and maybe even embarassing for you to initiate if you had a very strict upbringing, but its the only way that I can see to bring your relationship with your parents to an adult level. If you are their only child, or their oldest, it may be the most difficult because it is damn hard for parents to let go sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
icare Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 As far as the weekend away to your boyfriend's father's house, how about if you have his dad/parents call your parents and give them some reassurances that he has invited you and maybe a little detail as to what is going to take place? Maybe that would ease their minds a little bit. I agree with the other posters that a 10:00 curfew for a 20-year-old is a little strict. Maybe since you go to school full-time it's not unreasonable during the week, but I would think it could be later on the weekends. Have you tried proposing this to them? Have you tried talking to them about sex at all, in any context? It could be that they're pretty sure you are having sex but are concerned about you getting pregnant. I think ALL parents worry about this. Explain to them that you are educated about contraception and would always be very careful. Maybe that would ease their minds. ?? Unfortunately, as long as you live with them you will pretty much have to follow their rules. The only option you have is to talk to them and try to negotiate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author calithin83 Posted January 30, 2004 Author Share Posted January 30, 2004 thnxz for the wise advice:) about sex, no i cant tell them i have, i think they would get EXTEREMELY MAD, cos they believe in waiting til marriage, but they dont see i only done it with my current bf and we are only with eachother. My mom has asked me if ive had sex with my bfand ive said NO, i feel bad lying but i dont think she would be ok with me saying YES. tommorow is the day i wanna go to my bfs dads house at fresno, i still havent asked them but today the whole day i cleaned for like 5-6 hours, and well my bf is coming over tonight to tell them and ask them permission (scary cos they might get annoyed ), and well my bf is gonna have his dad call my house and explain things a lil better even though its hard cos my dads bf is russian and he sorta speaks english and my parents are italian and salvadorean and they speak spanish and also barely english..so its hard to communicate. but anyways I REALLY WANNA GO its lots of fun at his dads house and they let us sleep in the same room and we even drink vodka for dinner, its cool:) but anyways his dad will obviously say that we will sleep seperate and bla bla bla... Link to post Share on other sites
AMN819 Posted January 30, 2004 Share Posted January 30, 2004 OMG...I thought I was the ONLY girl left that still had a curfew at 21...LOL!!! During the week, it's 11:30....on the weekends...around 12:30..which is better than you..ha ha...JUST KIDDING! Honestly girl...there really isn't much you CAN do. You live under their roof and they are trying to protect you. At this point, all you can do is PROVE to them that you can be trusted....If they trust you, hopefully they will allow you to GRADUALLY stay out later. For now, just follow the rules and don't argue. Yeah, IT SUX...but you'll understand it all one day!! Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 30, 2004 Share Posted January 30, 2004 I'm a couple of decades past 18...but my parent's still love telling the story of how I was just out of high school and engaged....but yet they DUPED me into believing I still had to be home by 2300 (11:00 pm). The truth is....past 18....no one can legally tell you when to come home. Now, if you live at home without any rent and your parents are paying for your college....THEN.....you are still under their control. If I were in that position, I would get a part time job around classes.......give them a 'rental' amount and ask them to TREAT me as an adult because I am handling my life as an adult. If you want corresponding actions to your age......you have to take responsibility and BE your age. Again, as long as your parents are taking care of you....you are under their control. I would REMOVE the control by being an ADULT. Link to post Share on other sites
Author calithin83 Posted January 30, 2004 Author Share Posted January 30, 2004 thanxz for the advice, u guys are right...especially the part of maybe getting a part time job...but im probably gonna be out of the house on sug cos imma transfer to a university and most likely live in dorms:) HOPEFULLY..pray to God!! anyways my bf came over and he ate dinner with me and my parents.. he then asked them permission for me to go to fresno, and they let us!! they were a lil ugh at first but then after my bf talking to them and explaining to them...they let me go:) im happy! also cos my bf is sweet and he looks like a good boy:) and he is a good boy!! its good to have a bf my parents like,, it helps!!! thanxz for all the advice!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
texas34 Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 I know it seems hard but your parents are not over protective but worried at 20 yrs old it seems rough to have a 10pm curfew but remember it is bc they care another poster replied talk "with" your parents let them know how you feel you can hear how they feel one thing that may work for them is possibly a cell phone (it is a dads best friend) so that they can check up on you or you can let them know of any problems also remember one of the hardest things for parents even since you started walking is letting go knowing most people at your age have active social lives why not try spending a night at home w/ mom and dad with your b/f it may help put some of their worries at ease and if nothing else let them know you love them. best luck god knows we all need a little help sometimes Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 Talk to your parents about it. If they won't change move out. Link to post Share on other sites
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