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Why do some people think having one child is a bad thing?


Micki

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I don't understand why some people feel that being an only child is a bad thing. I'm seriously considering having only one child. Why do people feel that a child must have a sibling?

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Thanks for responding. :)

 

However, it seems that some people think only children are selfish, lonely, weird, lack social skills, don't know how to share, etc.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Afishwithabike

We have only one child and we only wanted one child. I've had one friend who has three children tell me that I should have another. He gives the same reasons you mentioned. My child will be selfish and lonely. My child will bear the burden of taking care of us in our old age without a sibling to share the responsibility.

However, when you listen to him moan and groan about how hard it is to raise three children, pay for their schooling and coordinate all their after school activities, one wonders why he didn't have just one child like we did!

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We have only one child and we only wanted one child. I've had one friend who has three children tell me that I should have another. He gives the same reasons you mentioned. My child will be selfish and lonely. My child will bear the burden of taking care of us in our old age without a sibling to share the responsibility.

However, when you listen to him moan and groan about how hard it is to raise three children, pay for their schooling and coordinate all their after school activities, one wonders why he didn't have just one child like we did!

 

Hmmm.....sounds like your friend is a bit envious of you.

 

Honestly, I think it's strange that in this day and age, some people still have a prejudice against only children. Are people really that gullible? There are plenty of people with siblings who are selfish, spoiled, and lonely. In fact, many people complain about their selfish and spoiled siblings on THIS very board.

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I only have one child and it will stay that way. I think some people view only kids as the stereotypical spoilt brat. However, mine is not at all-he is happy, caring and the best.

Good luck with proving them wrong!:)

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Hmmm.....sounds like your friend is a bit envious of you.

 

Honestly, I think it's strange that in this day and age, some people still have a prejudice against only children. Are people really that gullible? There are plenty of people with siblings who are selfish, spoiled, and lonely. In fact, many people complain about their selfish and spoiled siblings offline (in real life), and on THIS very board. And it's not pretty......pretty much everything from siblings bully each other, emotionally abusing each other, and sleeping with the other sibling's spouse. I don't see how anyone could believe that having siblings makes you an angel or even well adjusted.

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Each child is unique and maybe one unique is gift enough :)

 

Kudos to those who are a parent, be it one or more...its a journey to behold!

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Afishwithabike
Hmmm.....sounds like your friend is a bit envious of you.

 

 

Once when my friend had pushed me too far with his comments, I told him I thought he was jealous that I didn't have multiple children to care for. He reluctantly admitted there might be some truth to it.

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Eddie Edirol
Once when my friend had pushed me too far with his comments, I told him I thought he was jealous that I didn't have multiple children to care for. He reluctantly admitted there might be some truth to it.

 

Next you have to get him to admit which of his three children were careless sex accidents, and if that is part of the root of his frustrations. Or if its his careless accidents and his wifes deliberate accident....

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Once when my friend had pushed me too far with his comments, I told him I thought he was jealous that I didn't have multiple children to care for. He reluctantly admitted there might be some truth to it.

 

I'm glad he realized that. There may be some hope for him yet. lol

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It all depends on how the child is raised. I have seen only children raised as kind, caring, considerate individuals who appreciate family and friends, and I have seen only children whose parents have raised them to be spoiled egocentric brats around whom the world must revolve.

 

Only children can be lonely or they can find "family" among friends. But children with siblings can equally grow up lonely and isolated, especially if there are three or more and one is always getting left out or being picked on by the others. Additionally, multiple children raises the risk of perceived favouritism, sibling rivalry and other familial dysfunctions.

 

And given the overpopulation of the planet, a single child (or none at all) for developed world parents is by far the morally and ethically superior choice.

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TwinkletOes26

As an only child I must speak out. My mother was only able to have me bc she had to get a hysterectomoy after she had me. I was raised to be a king,caring,well rounded person. I was the kind of only child that would be happy to share a toy if it meant someone would play with me. I was lonely as a child but not bc of lack of kids my own age. I had cousins but they refused to even acknowledge my presence because I was younger and they were "cool middle schoolers".

 

As I got older I enrolled in dance classes and such...i have never had an issue making friends(except for in the little hick town i went to school in but thats another story lol). Like others say it depends on how you were raised. i know people with several sibs who are the most selfish people on the planet. In fact one of the most spoiled selfish people I know has a sibling. She was known on campus as "kim the ...." well ill let you finish that sentence but it starts with a C (hey I didnt give her that nickname).

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  • 3 weeks later...

Being an only child myself i have no idea why anyone would say its a "bad thing". Perhaps its a question of boredom/loneliness. Everyone seems to ask whether i get bored or lonely.

I say not at all, but that may be because I've grown accustomed to the attention :p

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Being an only child myself i have no idea why anyone would say its a "bad thing". Perhaps its a question of boredom/loneliness. Everyone seems to ask whether i get bored or lonely.

 

That's really a dumb and rude question for people to ask. Unless, an only child is a recluse who doesn't go out, socialize, work, go to school or mingle with family and friends, I don't see why any intelligent person would think an only child is bored or lonely.

 

Having siblings doesn't make life a non stop party. In fact, the people whom I know that complain of boredom and loneliness have siblings. My neighbor often complains of being lonely and bored and she has 5 siblings.

 

Even the late great entertainer Michael Jackson stated he was lonely and he has 8 siblings.

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i know people with several sibs who are the most selfish people on the planet. In fact one of the most spoiled selfish people I know has a sibling. She was known on campus as "kim the ...." well ill let you finish that sentence but it starts with a C (hey I didnt give her that nickname).

 

I know lots of selfish people, and they all have at least one sibling.

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It all depends on how the child is raised. I have seen only children raised as kind, caring, considerate individuals who appreciate family and friends, and I have seen only children whose parents have raised them to be spoiled egocentric brats around whom the world must revolve.

 

I agree that it depends on how the child is raised, not the number of siblings, because this happens in families with multiple children as well.

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I don't understand why some people feel that being an only child is a bad thing. I'm seriously considering having only one child. Why do people feel that a child must have a sibling?

 

I think it's because they think the child will be spoiled/lonely or something along those lines. But the truth is, I think people who want less children are the responsible ones. At least they can pay each child/their only child more attention, assist them more with school work, and spend more quality time together. Plus, there's finance: the less children you have, if you're an average middle class American, the better quality of life they will have since they have less resources to spend on.

 

Ex: My sister has two children and she can afford to enroll both into private school and she afford to pay for piano lessons and soccer. With her resources, if she had four children, they'd all be in public school, and she can forget extracurriculars for my nephews and nieces.

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I think it's because they think the child will be spoiled/lonely or something along those lines.

 

I don't know why they feel that way, plenty of people with siblings are lonely and spoiled. The baby sister/brother of the family is known to be spoiled.

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Unfamyaccinee

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Nowt sinister about wanting to have more than one child. Often people will have a child and then want another one, hoping for the opposite sex. No brainer there. Family dynamics are certainly different with more than one child. Some prefer this to having one child. Others prefer to have just the one. Some none.

 

When my eldest was on her own before her sister came along she would follow me everywhere and was lonely. Different children have different temperments. As for hating siblings, don't know, I suppose you can't choose your family. The child could probably end up disliking Cousin Joe instead of a sibling though... What matters is how we teach our children to moderate moods and deal with conflicts methinks. The rest really is down to individual choice.

 

Anyhow, often people can't afford to have more than one nowadays. I have met people who are both working but are stuck in this situation due to the cost of childcare etc. Back in the day it was easier to have more than one child. It can be a real financial bind now.

 

My brothers twins cost him over £1000 per month in childcare when they were little.

 

Take care,

Eve x

Edited by Eve
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Nowt sinister about wanting to have more than one child. Often people will have a child and then want another one, hoping for the opposite sex.

 

I know. Society looks at having more than one child as a good thing. It’s having one child that people think is sinister or bad.

 

.

When my eldest was on her own before her sister came along she would follow me everywhere and was lonely.

 

My cousin is a girl and has 1 sister and 4 brothers and she follows her mother everywhere as well, so a child can still follow you everywhere and be lonely with siblings.

 

. As for hating siblings, don't know, I suppose you can't choose your family. The child could probably end up disliking Cousin Joe instead of a sibling though...

 

True, but people seem to assume people won’t be close to cousins. However, people act like siblings will always get along and be close to each other, when that’s simply not true. That’s why some people point out that siblings might dislike each other. Because a lot of people claim that sibling relationships are perfect and always loving.

Edited by Micki
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Well, I see what you mean OP but I don't think one can evaluate having a child and having a sibling in the same breath. Two different experiences. As I said, parents have more than one child often to have another of the opposite sex or to provide a sibling as part of their vision for their family. Most want their child to have the experience of having a sibling, even if their situation was not great.

 

Hence, I would consider that the parent is damaged in some way by their own childhood experiences if they did not have another child to avoid something such as sibling rivalry. I don't mean pyscho damaged. Just skewed.

 

Therefore, I cannot relate to your very generalised statements that people think that siblings are supposed to love each other etc.. this is not the case. Often closeness comes later in life for some siblings, sometimes not at all. That is usually something to do with family dynamics, or clash of personalities. Sometimes there is no casue for concern and they get on fine. But it still comes back to the parents living out their vision of what they feel is right for them.

 

So, yeah, have a single child if you want but it is not a superior decision based on the reasons outlined if it is simply an avoidance strategy. The power of bias is a very strong thing. As such I can only conclude that those who were single children will be more likely to continue with such a pattern as it is part of their world view. The reverse is more than likely true also.

 

What matters is that children are well cared for and can learn to manage conflict within themslves and in the home, single child or not.

 

Take care,

Eve x

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