Firefly Posted November 17, 2003 Share Posted November 17, 2003 I am a divorced mother of 2 (5 yrs & 7 months). I defiantly want to do what's best for my kids...My daughter "acts up" around my new boyfriend and acts very jealous of our relationship. which is understandable...in just not sure to to go about things so she doesn't feel this way. I want her to feel secure and not have any problems with us being a couple. Any suggestions would be much appreciated...thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted November 17, 2003 Share Posted November 17, 2003 My kids are 11 and 14. When not making an A$$ out of themselves by amusing themselves at some guy's expense.....they too act out. I think it's normal for a kid to be afraid they will lose you if you fall in love with someone else. It's obvious there is an amount of time they will lose when you are with someone else...but they have to learn to accept it and realize it's the quality of the time you spend with them that counts....as opposed to the quantity. All you can do is ASSURE them....and go on about your life. Will everything change and your daughter will become a "wonderful" child when you are with another guy??? Probably not. However, you can talk to her and hope eventually she will realize you are in a better mood when you aren't lonely as the adult in the household. She will accept the fact in time that she can't control you by misbehaving. This probably isn't NEAR the probs you'll go thru once the 7 month old begins to be competition.....HAHA! Link to post Share on other sites
PurpleAngel Posted November 18, 2003 Share Posted November 18, 2003 When I was growing up, my parents slipt, and my mother was a bit of a looker and I remember men would come to our door to ask her out… I would do everything in my power to make her say no to dates… and she always did. The one time she said yes I was an absolute spoilt brat and was terrible to both him and my mother. I made my mother feel so terrible, that she stopped seeing men. I look back now and see how silly it all was, I would never have lost my mother, I was her number one. Its normal I suppose to have that reaction. BUT if I can give you one piece of advice is, persistence. Don’t let your daughter ‘win’. Its important you are able to find a nice man in your life too. Don’t make too much out of it, but make sure that you and he make her feel special, that he is her friend as much as he is yours… does this make sense??? Patience!!! I know its hard in the beginning but kids get sick of doing things that are not getting (a) any results and (b) any attention. SO don’t make too much out of what she are doing. Love them, spend time with them when he is around, in fact spend time all together, as a big group when he is around… you will see, soon things will start to shift. She will get to know him and she will get used to him being around and part of YOUR lives. Link to post Share on other sites
genie Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 When I became a single mom, my daughters were 18 months and 8 years old. It is now 10 years later and I am still single. It is very hard to find a man that will want the responsibility of a readi-made family. But that's beside the point, what I feel is best for the girls is you to show them a healthy relationship. The man in your life also must treat you with upmost respect and treat your daughters the same. I have not brought but maybe 2 men in their life that I was involved with. I only wanted the right guy for me to be in their life. Well 10 years later, I'm still single. The reason I feel this is: due to therapy, my counselor told me "you have taught them how to be a mother, you have taught them how to be an employee. You have taught them how to keep house. You have not taught them one responsibility that you should. They do not know how to date, how to be a girlfriend, and how will they know how to be a wife." Children learn from their parents and what we teach them is exactly what they will end up with. Be patient with her, talk to her about your problem. Talk to your boyfriend and tell him that all of you need to work on this issue and do it with her in mind. For example: if he ignores her to try to keep peace and this relationship continues and the ignoring continues. She will probably fall head over heals over a guy that just ignores her. If you want, read a book called "Women Who Love Too Much". It really opened my eyes on how my life and my experiences sets the pace for my daughters. Good luck with all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Firefly Posted November 21, 2003 Author Share Posted November 21, 2003 Thanks for all your suggestions! I am lucky enough to have found a great guy what absolutely adores my kids as well as me. He loves kids and my daughter really likes him, she has even said "i love you" to him and always gives him a hug when he sees her. We spend most of out time together with the kids. I had a heart to heart with her and she seems to be a lot better. She is minding and being the sweet polite little girl i know she is. In the future if it happens again I'm hoping all it will take is another talk...and to give her some one on one attention from me. Thanks again, you guys are great. Link to post Share on other sites
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