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Meeting Mommy's "friend", HOW??


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I'm a mother to a great 3 yr old lil boy!!! i havent been with his father in a lil over a year, and in that time i've been dating this great guy.

we've known ea for 2 years became friends and now much more.

 

we'vve had the future talks and he mentioned that he wants to finally meet my son. he had a few suggestions like we go out for a movie or take my son to chucke cheese. he said whatever he likes we can go make a day of it... i'm so thrilled that we can take this huge step!!

 

but on the other hand, i'm nervous. for my son i dont know how he'll react or even act if we go out with just us three. this has been on my mind for the past 2 weeks and i just dont know how exactly to go about intoducing them??

ANY SUGGESTIONS WILL HELP.

thanks, LadyD06

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We met up at a coffee shop and took things from there. We agreed beforehand that If my children reacted negatively, or my now Hubby's children, we would end the meeting.

 

So coffee shop, look around toy shops, then get something to eat I say.

 

Just be natural.

 

Soon to be Hubby was quite forward and held my hand during the day, giving the kids signals that he wanted to be with me .. which my children thought scandalous at the time because they had come to see me as just their Mummy from my being single for a while.

 

Prior to this I talked to them about him a bit and said that we were all going to go out at some point. My girls had also spoken to him and his boys on the phone before the big day.

 

Excited for you.. :D

 

Take care,

Eve x

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Thanks you very much this helps alot..

but he doesnt have children of his own so i'd the the only on contributing any kids to this relationship. and i 'm worried cause i've nevver seen him interact with any kids younger than 13!!! and my son is 4 :/

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Thanks you very much this helps alot..

but he doesnt have children of his own so i'd the the only on contributing any kids to this relationship. and i 'm worried cause i've nevver seen him interact with any kids younger than 13!!! and my son is 4 :/

 

Yeah, I picked up on that. I suppose the only way you will know how it is going to work out is to try a day out. My youngest daughter was three, nearly four on our first meeting and did not take well at first to our hand holding. My soon to be Hubby backed off and let her hold my hand. By the end of the day she didn't mind though.

 

All in all, at such a young age your son may become jealous, so be prepared for that I would say. Concentrate on him and his reactions and let him know that he comes first still.

 

Has this guy shown an interest in your son? Is he an Uncle? He must be open to meeting your child otherwise he would not be willing to meet him... or would put it off. Has he tried to put off the meeting?

 

My daughter spending a few minutes on the phone talking to my now Husband helped the most I think. My youngest just used to talk about teddy bears and stuff and say goodbye but I think hearing his voice helped her a lot prior to the meeting.

 

See how the day goes.

 

At least you haven't just moved this guy in. Many actually do that!

 

What worries you the most?

 

Take care,

Eve x

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i think we both 'put it off' in the beginning but we've talked about it a couple of times and i think we're all ready.

i've seen him with a mutual friend of ours daughter and he seemed very happy and outgoing with the kid.

i'm just nervous cause my bf has showed so much anger towards me having a friend relationship with my son's father... and idk i'm glad we're at this point in out relationship i'm just scared he's going to think it's too much to handle being a stepfather and all.

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whichwayisup

Your boyfriend has to accept the fact that your ex IS going to be around in your life because of the child you share with your ex. Somehow your bf has to adjust and not let anger/jealously take over.

 

Put your kid first, always. If the bf thing becomes weird/messy and he's jealous of any interaction, then explain to him that it is best for your son that you and your child's father remain friendly to another, civil and respectful. If your bf cannot understand that, then end it.

 

I will say, that maybe your bf thinks that one day you will go back to your ex. Are you two separated/divorced? or was it a relationship that ended? Maybe your guy just needs some reassurance that there's no chance of you and your ex falling for your ex or wanting him back one day.

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I don't know, I don't go for always being civil towards an ex.. :laugh:

 

I mean, why hasn't he seen his son in over a year? That is a long time for a child!

 

Does your bf worry that you are keeping the peace when there is no peace to be kept with the ex? There wasn't any violence was there?

 

I hope these questions help you to come to a solution rather than force you to answer things you don't want to talk about.

 

All in all, it is a big thing to introduce another parent figure into a child's life and so I admire your caution.

 

Take care,

Eve x

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LialmelaLew

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WorldIsYours
Were you seeing him while you were married?

 

Yea that's the question of the day.

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that did sound crazy.

no i met him thru a friend and we were just THAT friends. for two yrs not close friends then after my son's father he we lost touch and he then pursued me after he knew i was single.

 

and i am concerned about the whole process i dont want my son to get attached to the new guy, i dont wish bad on our relationship but what if it goes south??

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I have a son who is nearly 2. I split with his dad just under a year ago. I recently met a great guy and am still in the early stages. He is aware that I have a child and says he is fine with it. I am not planning on him meeting my son anytime soon as I have only just met him and don't know how things will pan out. He has said he would like a relationship with me first and then let things develop with my son. I'm happy with this.

He has no children also. I have said that he is perfectly fine with his own dad and I do not expect him to play 'dad'. He's more just a 'pal' to my son.

If he was to ever meet him I would probably take my son to a playarea where he feels comfortable and bf can engage with him in a setting that is easy for my son. Then go for some food. You need to remember, bf doesn't have children and will probably be just as nervous as you. The only person who will be at ease will probably be your son!

If I was to tell my son about bf I would simply say to start that he is mummy's friend and then, as he gets older, explain that he is mummy's special friends and he loves mummy and cares about mummy and cares and love him (my son). Its complicated for little ones to understand so you just have to keep it simple and no big deal.

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Put your child's needs before your own. That means being nice to the ex, at least in front of the child, or within his earshot, and not speaking ill of the ex.

 

I would not introduce a BF to a young child, unless there was an engagement and a wedding date. But that is just me.

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