itsac-cret Posted September 21, 2003 Share Posted September 21, 2003 forgive me for it is kind of a long story....., right out of high school I got engaged and pregnant, but never married the guy. he said he wanted our child but then after she was born had nothing to do with her, he also became a monster. he wouldn't hold a job or even watch her for me to go to college or work. he became abusive in every way. emotionally and mentally first, then one day physically. he cheated on me with everyone in our small town. we broke for the obvious.... ok fine. our daughter was 1 year then and he still wasn't interested in her that was two years ago... the past two years he has been in and out of her life, never did hold a job so no child support. last year for her birthday he did manage to buy her a present. but now a lot has changed it seems.. he knocked up one of girls that he used to cheat with. her family has money and is willing to support both of them, the new baby and the child she already has. plus help keep him out of jail (it's becoming a second home for him according to the papers) well now he and this girl are getting married. what bothers me is he called the other day and wanted to see our child. i told him no and asked why the sudden interest, he says he's grown up now and wants to be in her life. i said to bad. i don't think it would fair to my daughter. she doesn't even call him dad anymore and when she does talk about him it memories of the last time he saw her (she was 2 and he acted pretty violent toward me) for now a judge took his right to see her away. but that is not permanent. he saidhe would call back in a few days, and he never did. even though i said no to me it's one more way to show he doesn't care. he seems willing to take no for an answer. but i know it will keepcoming up until something permanent is done. another thing that bugs me is i don't know this other girl that will be my daughter's legal stepmom. what i have heard about her and her parenting skills have not been good. we all live in small community and rumors fly though. i don't really want my daughter to be around her dad or his soon to be wife. he is violent and i think no good for her. plus i don't think he and this girl will have any kind of healthy realtionship. when he called last he also had to throw in how he wishes things would have been different with us, and i know he talks bad about her behind her back and doing the same things to her as he did to me. i'm glad things turned out like they did! i love my child and would go through hell again to have her, i have moved on with my life and have a serious b/f who is great. (who my ex threathen to kill when we first hooked up) but i know whatever i do i have to explian to her someday. she will have a sibling entering this world soon, and like i said it is a small area. i registered her for school with my last name instead of his (her legal name) and have pondered changing it permanatly. i want to do what is best for her, me and everyone else involved, and what is morallly right.... i want her have a good life.. it has taken a long time to undo some of the damage i let him cause in our lives i can't risk letting him do anymore. any advice? please don't say get an attorney, already done. but he only knows the law notwaht is best for her and us... i'm confused Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted September 21, 2003 Share Posted September 21, 2003 I think you need to do whatever you have to do to keep the father of your child out of your lives, PERIOD! He's a real jerk who may grow up in time but that's very sad. These things happen and you have to deal with them. The best way to deal with someone whose brought a lot of pain into your life is to cease all contact. Your daughter may want to contact him long into the future to see if he's still an a**h***. Meanwhile, I hope the guy you're dating now can fill a tiny part of the father role and that you eventually find someone you can have a healthy relationship with a provide a good family environment for your child. Unpredictable visits by her real father serve no purpose but to create chaos in your daughter's life. Stick to your guns. It's over for dada!!! Link to post Share on other sites
serenity Posted September 26, 2003 Share Posted September 26, 2003 ok i think that i know hoe u feel -- my daughters dad is terrible at keeping in touch with her, he takes drugs - been in relationships where i have had to ban our daughter from being at the hosue cos he 'recent' gf hates her (or maybe is jus jelous) - but i always allowed him resonable access cos i felt i should not stop this due to the fact that he is her dad -- he could see her at his parents and when the times were good and he was with nice g/fs then he used to see her often .....recently he decided to play the brilliant doting dad - why cos they pulled him for child maintenance - he tried to say he had her 4 nites a week -- i denied that claim cos it simply wasnt true -- he took her one nite after weeks of no contact and i called him at 10 pm and said she had to behome now -- he said i will bring her tomorow -- is aid no u bring her now -- we argued and he called me many names -- i told him wait i will acll the police cos u have snatched her from me.....result he brought her home by taxi .....now he dont see her again -- she is 11 years old and she sees now what he is like --- i gave him the benefit of proving himself to her - he failed -- i am not the bad one here and she no longer wishes to see him -- she knows he is weak and prefers drugs and his numerous g/f's its sad that u have to allow kids to see that but they grow up respecting u as a mother to see that u gave them all the chances in the world for a normal loving father - its the man that has to realsise he is scum on earth in these cases (sorry if that went off topic ) Link to post Share on other sites
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