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overcontrolling/anxious parents


bsnow289

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My parents are driving me crazy!!! My parents are divorced but I live with my mother. My mom drives me nuts because im 18 almost 19 and I listen to hardcore punk music and my mom flipped a sh*t last year and took all my hc shirts and cd's away. She tells me she wants me to listen to happy music where they dont scream and mosh. Also last fall I was at my friends band practice and my mom called...flipped out because she found out the drummer smokes cigarettes and demanded me to be home immediately and threatened to ground me. Also my mom flips out when I watch tv shows like the office, family guy, tosh.0, its always sunny in philadelphia because "they discuss sex and make fun of each other". My mom also flips if im watching mythbusters or documentaries about war, any nature shows that involve graphic footage of animals getting killed and stuff like that because its"negative". She never let me go to the movies in high school because she says theyre all garbage. My dad is not like that but he also drives me a little crazy. He calls on the weekends and stuff and wants me to study at the library on the weekends instead of hanging out with friends and keeps on trying to get me to be an engineer like him and tries to force me to do all these activities I dont want to do. He also tells me to look out for cars when im crossing the street like im 4 years old. I have really bad paranoia, anxiety, zero self esteem/self confidence and I have huge problems socializing. Ive yelled at my parents hundreds of times to leave me alone and they still dont get it. How do I explain to them that they are overcontrolling/anxious parents without really hurting their feelings and hating me for the rest of my life?

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Your parents won't hate you for the rest of your life for yelling at them bsnow289.

 

Maybe I can give you a different angle on this. I don't know how long your parents have been divorced or anything but i do know that divorced parents are quite a challenge to their grown up kids. It seems your problem is that they haven't accepted that you are grown up now. You need to show them that you are. Yelling at them won't show this. Your parents are probably scared to death that you will turn out to be one of those statistics that people go on about, you know most prison inmates come from broken homes kind of stuff. They are over compensating and acting this way because they don't want to let go yet.

 

Yes your mom sounds like the mom from hell, and your dad is playing the stereotypical 'be like me' dad. They do only have your best interests at heart, honestly they do. They are just not so good at showing it.

 

So here's my bit of advice, don't yell at them. Do talk to them, calmly. Assure them that you are ok and happy. (Well, not happy about being treated like a child) Do stuff that will build their confidence in you, study a little like your dad asks, negotiate an acceptable amount time, and stick to your agreement. Your mom's views on TV seem to point to her being a little 'sensitive' toward sex. Some people are, as silly as it seems, but try again to negotiate around this. Maybe you can watch what you want a few times a week.

 

I know I am expecting you to be the adult here, but hey, someone has to be, right? Why not you?

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