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"Threatening" to sue for child support?


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Old 18th November 2009, 7:36 PM   #61
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Originally Posted by Dexter Morgan View Post
really? they grow 5 inches a month and throw away their clothes after maybe 3 times wearing them? ok...makes sense

they are in CONSTANT need of clothes? so the clothes you buy them for a season last them 2 months? uh...hmmmm....er...ok

and I'm not aware of what she buys? uh...its simple, same clothes for 8 months, then new ones.
My kids are little yet, so yes they grow pretty fast. And if they aren't outgrowing something then they are staining it or leaving it at their dads (which forces me to buy more). I swear I buy the kids 3 sets of clothes every season. It's wildly expensive.

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well here is something to ponder. she has a house, only a 3 bedroom, nothing big. If she didn't have the kids, she'd have to sell the house. What does that tell you? She can afford her house with the kids and my money, but if she didn't have them and didn't have THEIR expenses to pay for, which I offered to take custody and didn't want a dime from her, she wouldn't be able to afford the house.

So if their expenses are so much, and my money doesn't cover them AND HER expenses...why would she not be able to afford the house if those expenses went away along with CS?
ok, fair enough, but the upside is that she's maintaining them in the familar family home. There is something to be said for stability. If you care, I could afford my house just fine without CS if I didn't have the kids' expenses.
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Old 19th November 2009, 12:05 PM   #62
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Originally Posted by HarmonyHope View Post
My kids are little yet, so yes they grow pretty fast. And if they aren't outgrowing something then they are staining it or leaving it at their dads (which forces me to buy more). I swear I buy the kids 3 sets of clothes every season. It's wildly expensive.
my kids are little too, my youngest just turned 5 and growing like a weed. yet they only need new clothes about once every 8 months.

3 sets of clothes every season? wildly expensive? ya, maybe if you are buying little tykes clothes at the most expensive places you can find.

I bought clothes for my kids to wear when with me because my X sends them in crap. 3 sets of clothes each season for BOTH of them cost me no more than $300. And we aren't talking Walmart either. I'm frugal, but I'll die before buying that crap.

So she shut up about child support when I asked her where all the money is going if they are only getting about $200 worth of clothes every 8 months. If I was to ask her for accountability, she'd freak...cuz she couldn't justify it.

Quote:
ok, fair enough, but the upside is that she's maintaining them in the familar family home. There is something to be said for stability.
sure there is, I just don't see why that translates into dollars. Sorry, but there is a reason she doesn't want to agree to 50/50 custody.......she wants money to help her with HER expenses that she would bear even if she didn't have the kids.

was 50/50 custody ever discussed in your divorce? I realize some people can't do 50/50 because of schedules and whatnot. but was it discussed in your case? And if your X wanted 50/50, would you have been agreeable to it...why or why not?
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Old 19th November 2009, 8:54 PM   #63
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Originally Posted by Dexter Morgan View Post
my kids are little too, my youngest just turned 5 and growing like a weed. yet they only need new clothes about once every 8 months.

3 sets of clothes every season? wildly expensive? ya, maybe if you are buying little tykes clothes at the most expensive places you can find.
I didn't mean 3 outfits. I meant 3 sets of maybe 10 outfits. So that's 30 outfits every season. One for me, one for their Dad (he won't buy ANYTHING himself), and one for my in-laws (who do daycare). I usually go with old navy, children's place clearance or target. But still.

Quote:
So she shut up about child support when I asked her where all the money is going if they are only getting about $200 worth of clothes every 8 months. If I was to ask her for accountability, she'd freak...cuz she couldn't justify it.
Not that I need to, but I keep all the kids child support in a seperate account. It would take me all of 2 minutes to print out a history if he ever questioned it. But my x knows better.

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was 50/50 custody ever discussed in your divorce? I realize some people can't do 50/50 because of schedules and whatnot. but was it discussed in your case? And if your X wanted 50/50, would you have been agreeable to it...why or why not?
Yes it was discussed, but I was totally against it. At the time we D, he did not participate in childcare at ALL. In 5 years, he gave my kids 1 bath. When I'd run to the store he'd be calling me asking me what to feed them. He said he felt like he was babysitting someone else's kids. He doesn't give my son his medications, doesn't remember anything about allergies, hospitalization etc. NO way was I going to trust him with 50/50. However, he gets to see them almost every day because he gets home from work 3 hours before I do, so he picks them up from his parents and I pick them up there. In addition he gets one overnight a week and an extra overnight on the weekend that he doesn't have them. I even send over food. So, he's got a sweet deal. I am happy to report that his parenting skills have improved out of neccessity, but I still wouldn't be comfortable with 50/50 for him.
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Old 3rd December 2009, 10:09 AM   #64
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I finally stopped calling and hen pecking about no payment of child support and filed against him last spring.

Call and find out status: nothing
Call and find out status: nothing
Call and find out status: nothing

I am told I can take the time and money to take him to court again if I want to speed the process up. Yeah thanks for that. If I had been receiving child support I might be able to afford that extra project, but then I wouldn't have a reason to do so.
I get a letter in Oct. telling me they have contacted him but no info as to what will happen or when. He calls me to tell me he understands why I took action. Then why have you not been paying child support for over a year if you understand?

He comes into town to visit his son two weeks ago because his GF dumped him and he has nothing better to do. This is after a year of missed visitations. He buys our son an ipod. No clothes, no fees for science class or the John Hopkins program he tested well enough to be admitted to. This isn't some stupid extracurricular thing either. The program will groom him for advanced classes he can start next year some of which will count as college credit even though he is in middle school. Is that important? NO, but an ipod is!
I call today to find out what is going on with child support. Oh, I have a check for $185 coming to me out of an arrears balance of - wait for it- $800! He is over $6000 behind!

I am told if I want to see any of that I will have to lawyer up again and take him to court AGAIN. Child enforcement is only concerned with what has become in arrears since they got involved. Despite the fact I took this action last spring, their meter didn't start running till 2 months ago!

Oh yeah, this is ALLLLL fashioned in favor of the wives for sure!

Custodial parents,

Let this be a warning to you. If the other parent isn't keeping up with support payments, don't even bother with threats. Don't waste your time or think if you just be patient it will get sorted out. It won't. Your child will just loose out on opportunities. File non compliance immediately.
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Old 4th December 2009, 6:28 AM   #65
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This is what passes for competence in many child support protection agencies.

http://www.fa-ir.org/alabama/cs/no_baby.htm
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Old 8th December 2009, 4:27 PM   #66
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*Rant alert*

Now, I have mentioned before that I am a big supporter of 50-50 arrangements but the truth of the matter is that parents often want to move on with other relationships and 50-50 gets in the way of that. In the UK the parent who the child resides with 'officially' in terms of a Child Benefit claim must state that there is a 50-50 agreement before it can be acted on by CS. So, if they are a liar, you are stuffed.

This was my story with my stepsons. We allowed them free access to our home because we didnt want them to be stuck with any stupid arrangement based on finances. Hubby was married to the ex with equal parental rights by the Court at divorce and yet she simply lied about the time the boys spent with us in order to put pressure on our relationship. She even lied about our eldest boy leaving education to try his hand at some work. That took about 6 months for them to sort out. I still dont even know why CS thought they had a place in our lives as the boys really were perfectly fine. Their presence gave her the power to intrude into our lives and she enjoyed every moment.

Now what did she do with the money.. she and her partner would go on regular holidays and never take the boys. They have marvelous motorbikes too. We still had to buy essential clothing and pay for holidays etc for the boys because she didnt.. stupid system.

.. but that was then. All is well now and the boys know they are loved beyond money. I can see that for some CS is the only resort but even then it should be based on the actual needs of the child and not the resident parent. This would take quite a lot of time to realistically assess but time spent with the non resident parent should be equally calculated in terms of cost to the non resident parent in every way; clubs he or she supports the child with.. food costs, the full works.

Like Tayla I didnt bother with CS for my girls. If he wasnt willing to give of his own volition I wasnt going to bother .. but I have always been able to provide a lovely home for my girls. I am not sure what I would have done if I had to pay for health costs though as you lot do in the US..

So, in my mind CS is just a scam and has ruined the livelihoods of too many people. By making the system child friendly a lot could be gained because unfortunately too many adults are unable to navigate a decent split without a sense that they should be entitled to intrude into the other persons life, via their income.

Take care,
Eve xx

*End of rant*

Last edited by Eve; 8th December 2009 at 4:31 PM..
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Old 19th December 2009, 3:12 PM   #67
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[QUOTE=Eve;2528695
Like Tayla I didnt bother with CS for my girls. If he wasnt willing to give of his own volition I wasnt going to bother .. but I have always been able to provide a lovely home for my girls. I am not sure what I would have done if I had to pay for health costs though as you lot do in the US..
[/QUOTE]

This is exactly the wrong attitude to have.

Granted, the UK is more civilized than the US when it comes to providing health care, and that is a major cost incured by parents in the US. However, you seem to be willing to risk letting your kids go without just to prove what a great mother you are. You're willing to risk their well-being just so you can say, "I raised them all on my own, and even though their father didn't help, they turned out great." You should never put your pride before your children's well-being.
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Old 19th December 2009, 3:33 PM   #68
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ADF View Post
This is exactly the wrong attitude to have.

Granted, the UK is more civilized than the US when it comes to providing health care, and that is a major cost incured by parents in the US. However, you seem to be willing to risk letting your kids go without just to prove what a great mother you are. You're willing to risk their well-being just so you can say, "I raised them all on my own, and even though their father didn't help, they turned out great." You should never put your pride before your children's well-being.
Yes, the UK is more civilised. The rest of the post wasnt applicable in my situation.

Take care,
Eve xx
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Old 14th January 2010, 10:29 AM   #69
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Originally Posted by Enema View Post
You're being purposefully dense I think.

Women have a multitude of ways to stop getting pregnant, both before and after the deed. Men can't "knock up as many women as they want" - get real.

The piece of paper gives men their rights back. The right not to have a child.




So, their only two options are to have an abortion, or raise a child alone?

Don't be thick:

Women:
Female condom
Diaphragm
IUD
The Pill
Vag Rings
Implants (implanon etc)
Injections (depo provera etc)

Last resort: abortion

If you refuse the plethora of options available to you as a woman and the man has signed to say he's not going to provide for the kid: don't have sex.

That's fair.
You forgot adoption.
I agree though, men should have more rights. How many women are intentionally getting knocked up just so they can collect child support?
I also agree with someone else who said "Why fight for custody if you can't afford to care for the child on your own?"
I know it's an older post and no one has responded to it in awhile. This is just something I have thought about quite a bit.
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Last edited by Kizzyfur; 14th January 2010 at 10:33 AM..
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