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"Threatening" to sue for child support?


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Old 22nd October 2009, 11:22 PM   #16
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Enema, by the weay, here's some basic biology: women can only produce an average of one child every nine months; men can impregnate several women in a single day. Men can indeed knock up as many women as they want, or at least a lot of them.

And here's some basic legal information: there is no legal right not to become a father.

It amazes me how you think forcing men to pay for the kids they fathered is out of line, while you have no problem forcing women into unwanted surgical procedures (abortions) and/or financial duress. You must really hate women.
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Old 22nd October 2009, 11:40 PM   #17
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As a man who believes in full equality, had we been so blessed to have children, I would be suing for custody and child support right now, since my stbx makes more money than I do. I wonder how the state would choke on that. Effing government

Also, for every man who impregnates a woman, there's a woman (absent rape) who willingly spread her legs for that man. More evidence of equality in choice and responsibility. I know a number of men personally who pay more a month in child support than I earn (which isn't insignificant). Does a child really need that kind of lifestyle to become a productive member of society, or is it just another form of wealth transfer and welfare?

Point your finger at your elected representatives. They did it.
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Old 22nd October 2009, 11:49 PM   #18
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carhill, did you know that over 60% of men who owe child support never pay at all?
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Old 22nd October 2009, 11:59 PM   #19
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TBH, I really don't care. I know my friends do, and work their butts off to do it. For every 'jerk' deadbeat man out there, there's a gold-digger ex who sucks the life out of a man in the name of children, with the state's blessing, and makes his life as a father miserable. I know my father never saw his children after his wife left him for another man while he was fighting the Germans during WW2. I found all his letters and child support checks (this was in the 40's and 50's) when cleaning out his effects a few years ago.

Interesting how I can have that viewpoint coming from an intact home where my parents lived out their lives together, from which I benefited. Doing 'without' has never impacted me. I just hate injustice. Right now, a good friend has spent over 50K in legal fees just to see his child and establish custody, and his ex gets free legal help and child support from him through the state. That after nine failed drug tests (by her). Nine. Incredulous, I am.

You know, I used to hate deadbeat fathers but, after enough women beat me with that stick (their ex's were deadbeats and they took their anger out on me), I say f*ck 'em. Let them eat dirt. Sometimes I think it's a grave injustice who does and doesn't get to be a parent. But, hey, we all have our issues.
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Old 23rd October 2009, 12:24 AM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sally4sara View Post
I think the easier way, and the only way for men to truely take control of their own reproductive rights, is to bank their sperm and then SNIP, Vasectomy City.

Then we wouldn't have any of this horse **** of men saying "wahhh, I didn't want to be a father even though I know sex can lead to pregnancy wahhhh! SHE should have her womb scraped out cuz I don't wanna think about anything but getting laid! Wahhhh!"

But none of you will put in that commitment.
Doctors here will not give me a vasectomy because I'm under 30 and haven't had any children.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
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Old 23rd October 2009, 12:31 AM   #21
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Originally Posted by ADF View Post
Enema, by the weay, here's some basic biology: women can only produce an average of one child every nine months; men can impregnate several women in a single day. Men can indeed knock up as many women as they want, or at least a lot of them.
Yeah, if the woman doesn't take care of her own contraception....

but that's the guys fault is it? He should pay if she gets pregnant even if she doesn't use:

- basic contraception
- the morning after pill
- abortion
- adoption

That's 1, 2, 3, 4 ways a woman can get out of an unwanted pregnancy scott free.

No prizes for guessing how many ways a guy can get out of an unwanted pregnancy. ZERO.
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Old 23rd October 2009, 12:32 AM   #22
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Does that mean your national health care won't pay for it or you literally cannot purchase a vasectomy? I know my Oz friends love their national health care, for the most part, so am curious.

If you are literally prevented from sterilizing yourself, that's deplorable, IMO.
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Old 23rd October 2009, 1:52 AM   #23
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Originally Posted by Enema View Post
Doctors here will not give me a vasectomy because I'm under 30 and haven't had any children.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
My uncle got his at age 26 in the 80s after two doctors turned him down. Just because one won't doesn't mean none will.
So I'm not buying your excuse, thx.

And the condom I insisted on was sabotaged by my ex husband. He could've been lying and saying it just to be ugly, but that is his claim.
P.S. he doesn't pay child support.
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Old 23rd October 2009, 8:39 PM   #24
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Enema, what planet are you living on? There are ways for men to avoid an unwanted pregnancy. They can wear condoms. They can get a vestectomy. Why are those not acceptable?
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Old 23rd October 2009, 8:41 PM   #25
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Carhill, "I don't care" is not an answer. And what the heck do your hard-working friends and grandparents have to do with this discussion? Christ, I swear. Do some people have no critical think skills at all?
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Old 23rd October 2009, 10:30 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by Enema View Post
You're being purposefully dense I think.

Women have a multitude of ways to stop getting pregnant, both before and after the deed. Men can't "knock up as many women as they want" - get real.

The piece of paper gives men their rights back. The right not to have a child.




So, their only two options are to have an abortion, or raise a child alone?

Don't be thick:

Women:
Female condom
Diaphragm
IUD
The Pill
Vag Rings
Implants (implanon etc)
Injections (depo provera etc)

Last resort: abortion

If you refuse the plethora of options available to you as a woman and the man has signed to say he's not going to provide for the kid: don't have sex.

That's fair.
What an incredibly rude and condescending post.

How about he get snipped if he doesn't want to have kids.
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Old 24th October 2009, 10:34 AM   #27
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I think that the child support system is often misunderstood by both parties. I also work for a government agency that as one task collects and enforces the collection of child support. I have female clients that have told me..."I am going to take the kids away from their father so that he cannot see them and he will have to give me more child support." I ask for the motivation there, if it is because the father is an unfit parent and a response I have heard.."he is dating some new hoe and I want to hurt him by making him pay." Seen in this light it is definitely a threat.

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure the majority of men you are talking about are deadbeats, but often both parents are putting their needs above the needs of the child in this war to screw the other.
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Old 24th October 2009, 10:44 AM   #28
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Adf- Thanks for your view point and commentary. Its respectable and worthy of consideration.

"Fooled Once"- Thank you for validating that most custodial parents want the money as a form of punishment. Cripple them financially. Never have to use the money to support the dental , health or clothing. What a fine example! Hope the wallpaper is worth it!

Sorry that I am not bitter about my x spouse or that I did support my kids and raise them as best I could. They did not go without. Well they did go without toothpaste once, but we used baking soda til I could get to the store Ohh and there was the time the storm came and we went without electric for 2 days! But so did the neighbors house,and they were married and had kids! Sure hope child welfare doesnt arrest them 17 years later for not providing electricity for their kids!
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Old 24th October 2009, 9:11 PM   #29
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Adf- Thanks for your view point and commentary. Its respectable and worthy of consideration.

"Fooled Once"- Thank you for validating that most custodial parents want the money as a form of punishment. Cripple them financially. Never have to use the money to support the dental , health or clothing. What a fine example! Hope the wallpaper is worth it!

Sorry that I am not bitter about my x spouse or that I did support my kids and raise them as best I could. They did not go without. Well they did go without toothpaste once, but we used baking soda til I could get to the store Ohh and there was the time the storm came and we went without electric for 2 days! But so did the neighbors house,and they were married and had kids! Sure hope child welfare doesnt arrest them 17 years later for not providing electricity for their kids!
For heaven's sake.....

I was a custodial parent who got a measly $300 a month for 12+ years from my ex. *I* paid ALL medical, dental vision insurance for my son's entire life as a minor. I paid ALL of it -- extracurriculars, medical expenses, tuition, daycare, etc etc etc.

My ex paid $300 a month - PERIOD. And it was LATE every single month. EVERY SINGLE MONTH. I had to hunt him down and repeatedly ask for the money.

He rarely took his visitation, he never took our son on vacation, he never called our son during the week, etc.

He was a crappy father and I SHOULD HAVE taken all I could get from him. His support, per the state guidelines, would have been $630 at a minimum, not including that I could have had it recalculated every 2 years. I didn't. I also took ALL the debt from the marriage. I agreed to all of it just so I could get him to sign the divorce papers.

So don't you dare criticize me if I chose to wall paper my bathroom with his piddly $300 a month. That didn't cover squat. I went without for many years because I couldn't afford to do things FOR ME. I made sure my son had ALL that he needed, that he played sports, that he had clothes that fit, teeth that were taken care of, lunch money, etc. Many weeks, I only ate 1 meal a day because I couldn't afford to feed both of us.

So back off. It wasn't until I after I remarried that I was more financially secure. It wasn't until after I remarried that I could finally pay off all the debts my ex and I BOTH accumulated. My H was a much better father to my son than his father any day of the week. My ex was more interested in beer than his child.

My h was a noncustodial father to his kids and he paid c/s. He paid it on time every single month - directly to his ex. She definitely made sure if she could get it reevaluated, she took advantage of it. So I know what it is like from both ends of it.

My ex was treated very well by me after the divorce, and he sure as heck didn't deserve it.
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Old 25th October 2009, 11:35 AM   #30
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I think it is getting to the point where a contract needs to be introduced before the first sexual interaction, in which the couple agrees ahead of time what the plan of action is and gets the contract signed, notarized and legal. A 'pre-intercourse' contract, so to speak.

If a man wants to protect himself, he needs to state in the contract that he does not want children, and that he and his partner will protect against pregnancy to the best of their abilities. If a man protects (and I mean really protects - does everything in his power to prevent pregnancy), and a woman protects adequately herself (following directions for birth control to the maximum), there is a near zero chance of pregnancy and both parties should be ok. However...

There needs to be a clause in there that in the event of an unwanted pregnancy, the man will pay to the woman half of the medical costs of having an abortion. If the woman chooses to not have the abortion, then she can keep the money but waives her rights to child support, since she chose to have the child against the pre-determined and clear wishes of of the male partner.

If the woman does not agree with any part of the contract, then they should part ways, period before even having that first sex. If a man does not want children, and a woman knows this from the beginning then she should probably not be with that person if she knows this and knows that she would not be able to go through with an abortion, or at the very least should shoulder the cost if she is going through with the pregnancy against his wishes.

In both of my pregnancies, I gave my partner(s) the option to walk free with absolutely no financial or familial obligations, and I meant it. I chose the pregnancy, so I was willing to be 100% responsible for it. One of my babies lived and her father chose to stay and it worked out great. The other wanted no part of it, so I was perfectly happy letting him carry his happy ass off into the sunset while I raised the child I wanted without his money or help. The pregnancy did not go forward though, but I still would have stuck to my guns if it had.

I guess that the bottom line is that the man needs choices too. Wish there were something like an IUD for men that would prevent conception, but would be easily reversed when and if he decided he wanted children. I'm not a big advocate of hormone based birth controls - they interfere too much with how our bodies are supposed to run - but a safe and reliable internally based barrier method for men? I'm all for it if it is possible.
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Last edited by LucreziaBorgia; 25th October 2009 at 11:37 AM..
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