Jump to content

Bit of a FAUX PAS


Recommended Posts

I have to be vague and general here, so please read between the lines.

 

We live in an "enclave" - small pond full of big fish. H and I try to keep a low profile.

 

Daughter in Middle School has always had a problem with a local boy a year or so older than herself.(14 - 15) Stupid things, verbal bullying. I thought it had come to pass, as she hasnt mentioned him for at least a year.

 

Last week, I'm driving home the same time she walking home from school.

I see her, walking with a few people, I'm driving up from behind thinking to offer her a lift. I slow down when I see there seems to be an argument between her and one of the boys. I see my daughter, her friend and a group of 4 boys including the one I mentioned, whom she is having words with.

 

As a approach the curb, still some distance from them...he slaps her. Across the face. I get out of the car and start walking toward them.She pushes him, he pushes her back, hard. She falls to the ground.

 

Today, right now, I still dont know what came over me. I was in a rage.

I came up behind him , grabbed his arm, pulled it behind him and up. It hurt and he went to his knees. 2 of the boys ran off.

 

My daughter got up and stood wide eyes, nobody said anything. I told the boy he had 2 options. I call the police or I kick him in the testicles as hard as I f'g could. In the seconds when he said nothing , I realized that what I wanted to do was kill him - so I called 911.

 

Mind you, this kid was scared. He is bigger than either my daughter or myself but still just a kid. While waiting for the police, I told his friend to go, which he did. I kept his arm behind him and asked him who taught him to hit girls? I asked him if he was embarrassed to be seen on his knees in front of his friends.

 

The police came , ultimately took him. My daughter feels I humiliated her and in turn I am a bit angry with her, with the thought that she would have preferred the alternative - to be hit and take it??

 

My H, today, has been called by the parents and apparently they and he feel there may be good reason to not pursue this as in pressing charges.

 

I fear I have shown a side of myself , once again, that does not put my family in a good light. I fear I have pushed issues of my own, from my own past, onto a child.

 

If this was your son, how would you feel?

Link to post
Share on other sites
donnamaybe

For starters, I feel like he wouldn't see the outside of the four walls of his room for at least a month, outside of attending school. :mad:

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I feel like "my slip is showing" and I have embarrassed my family with my less than classy behavior.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Art_Critic

I fail to see what you did as wrong behavior...

 

You didn't take things into your own hands.. you called the police and the effing jerk was slapping a girl.. WTF ?

 

If he was my son he would have to remove my shoe from his ass...

Link to post
Share on other sites
donnamaybe

This kid has been an ogoing problem for your daughter for far too long. And now he's assaulting her. Yes, slapping your daughter and shoving her down is assault 5th degree in my state. He's lucky he isn't in juvenile detention!

Link to post
Share on other sites
BlueEyedDevil

wow!

 

i cannot say i blame you, but your physical reaction to the boy was a bit much- jerking his arm like that.

 

it was good that you called the cops, and they had to take the boy home and he had to explain himself... hopefully it will teach him not to be abusive.... at least not in public.

 

and no, i do not think charges should be brought against the boy, i think he has learned his lesson-

 

you, however, should be concerned for yourself and how you reacted to this- harming a child- who is not your own, for hitting your child. As an adult you should be able to control your temper better, especially losing it to a child.... what if the parents came back and press charges against you?

Link to post
Share on other sites
Trialbyfire

I'm glad you did what you did.

 

I would have ripped your husband a new one, for not being protective of his daughter, putting his own "reputation", before family. Where are his balls?

 

As for the other family, this boy would have his attitude from somewhere, more than likely his own home. There's nothing you can do about this, unless you press charges. The difficulty with pressing charges, is that she pushed him back, although this could probably be construed as self-defense, since he slapped her first. I would get a lawyer and ask for his opinion.

 

Edit - just saw BED's response and I wonder about it. Couldn't this be construed as a citizen's arrest? Once again, get a lawyer's opinion.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

My H isnt saying I was wrong , just rightly thinking that I may have gone too far. He admitted that he would have probably done the same.

 

And you know, I realize I went too far. I understand that big as he is, he is just a kid. But I'm still angry, really angry, that he hit MY kid. My daughter.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I know I dont need a lawyer. The boys parents are coming to my H's office this evening for a meeting with he and myself.

 

I'm betting the kid has previous problems with the police. Like everyone in this neighborhood, the parents are probably trying hard to "make this go away" - maybe more for themselves than anything else.

 

I dont care about maintaining a low profile, I dont want to give this kid a break. I dont want my daughter to ever be hit by a male and think it is in anyway - to be overlooked. Ever.

Link to post
Share on other sites

2sure, You acted is a completely appropriate manner. You were protecting your daughter from assault, which is the same as self-defense. I talked to my oldest son (state police) and he says that you did nothing criminal. You did not strike the boy, you restrained him from attacking your daughter.The boy did, and at 15, would likely be tried as an adult, meaning felony charges. The boys parents could file suit, but that would leave their son open to the assault charges, should you wish to pursue................. I was raised by my father and grandfather that there is NO excuse for striking a woman, not even self-defense is acceptable. We had 5 rules in our household, that would get corporal punishment, hitting a girl was one of them. My three sons would rather kiss a rattler than hit a girl. This "boy", obviously has had a poor upbringing. If his parents are not capable of teaching him a lesson, maybe this incident will. Your "embarassment", of your daughter, is a small price to pay for her safety. I disagree completely with Donna, this isn't a pre-schooler, but a young adult. You did what you needed to do. Your Husband's attitude is perplexing, I also have a daughter and I would have demanded retribution for the little creep, or instructed one of my sons to make him understand the error of his ways.

Link to post
Share on other sites

insist he gets counseling for bullying and abusive behavior. Because even if they were kidding around, striking someone else is not cool. Or smart.

 

you might have stepped over the line by holding him in place with his arm behind his back, but then again, you might have been restraining him from inflicting further violence, and keeping things cool til the cops came.

 

as humiliated as your daughter claims to be, it's a lesson to her that there are certain things people do not tolerate, and violence is one of them. It also lets her see that there are steps to be taken in handling these things, and having the cops deal with it is the way to do it.

 

my thought is that you may have given this child some food for thought about how he treats others. Hopefully, his parents aren't going to play the blame game, but will help find a resolution that will let the kids learn something constructive from the incident.

Link to post
Share on other sites
donnamaybe
2sure, You acted is a completely appropriate manner. You were protecting your daughter from assault, which is the same as self-defense. I talked to my oldest son (state police) and he says that you did nothing criminal. You did not strike the boy, you restrained him from attacking your daughter.The boy did, and at 15, would likely be tried as an adult, meaning felony charges. The boys parents could file suit, but that would leave their son open to the assault charges, should you wish to pursue................. I was raised by my father and grandfather that there is NO excuse for striking a woman, not even self-defense is acceptable. We had 5 rules in our household, that would get corporal punishment, hitting a girl was one of them. My three sons would rather kiss a rattler than hit a girl. This "boy", obviously has had a poor upbringing. If his parents are not capable of teaching him a lesson, maybe this incident will. Your "embarassment", of your daughter, is a small price to pay for her safety. I disagree completely with Donna, this isn't a pre-schooler, but a young adult.

 

I told her he had committed assault. What did I say that you disagree with?

Link to post
Share on other sites
Trialbyfire

Based on what you've posted on LS, 2sure, you can well afford a lawyer. I wouldn't trust these people. They have a number of years to turn this around on you, in an attempt to solicit money or retribution for you and your daughter's assault on their son.

 

Get a legal opinion and if at all possible, some form of indemnity or legal agreement, for both you and your daughter, if you're not pressing charges.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Donna, I was looking at the wrong AVatar, itr was BEG's comment, refering to 2sure's losing her temper and this boy being just a child, that I objected to. Many apologies.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Get a legal opinion and if at all possible, some form of indemnity or legal agreement, for both you and your daughter, if you're not pressing charges.

 

You know what, you're right. And I'm taking this advice.

 

Truly, I cannot believe that at this point in my life I have to consult an attorney regarding my being involved in such a thing.

 

Whats really funny - I was wearing fierce pumps and a pencil skirt. Thank goodness I didnt have to chase him.

Link to post
Share on other sites
BlueEyedDevil
Based on what you've posted on LS, 2sure, you can well afford a lawyer. I wouldn't trust these people. They have a number of years to turn this around on you, in an attempt to solicit money or retribution for you and your daughter's assault on their son.

 

Get a legal opinion and if at all possible, some form of indemnity or legal agreement, for both you and your daughter, if you're not pressing charges.

 

i do not think you will need to do all that. a simple signed and dated agreement "never to touch your daughter again or i will sue your arses'" would suffice.

 

and if need be you could always get a peace order against the entire family.

Link to post
Share on other sites

TBF, is right on the money. Alert your lawyer to this incident. If, during your meeting with the boys parents, they try to accuse you or your daughter of any wrongdoing, terminate the meeting and take legal action.

Link to post
Share on other sites
BlueEyedDevil

well if i was the other parents i would be totally pissed that you hurt my kid.... that was all i was saying.

 

and no he isn't preschool aged, but she is an adult woman and technically he is still a child.

Link to post
Share on other sites
donnamaybe
Donna, I was looking at the wrong AVatar, itr was BEG's comment, refering to 2sure's losing her temper and this boy being just a child, that I objected to. Many apologies.

 

No need for many apologies. :):bunny:

 

I thought it was because I said for starters, he'd be in his room for a month, thinking that was all the punishment I thought he deserved. Just checkin'!

 

I sure wish I had a video clip of 2sure in her "fierce pumps and pencil skirt" puttin' the slapdown on that little thug! :laugh:

Link to post
Share on other sites
donnamaybe
well if i was the other parents i would be totally pissed that you hurt my kid.... that was all i was saying.

 

and no he isn't preschool aged, but she is an adult woman and technically he is still a child.

 

This is what is wrong with many of today's kids. Not that we should allow people to smack our kids around (which is NOT at all what happened here), but rather than find out what the kid is doing harassing this girl for all this time and THEN laying hands on her, the parent would go on the offensive toward the parent whose child got slapped by their kid?! :confused: Wow.

Link to post
Share on other sites
TaraMaiden

2sure, as you might have gathered by now, I am Buddhist.

Buddhists do not condone violence. The first precept clearly advocates and requires us to make every effort to refrain from killing or doing harm, and there is no excuse for inflicting pain and suffering on anyone at all.

 

Except in self-defence.

 

In your shoes, seeing my child assaulted like that in public?

I'm surprised if I would have been so restrained!

And had you done nothing, could you guarantee he would not have kicked her while she was down?

No.

In my opinion, you did exactly the right thing.

A mother is like a tiger defending her cubs. Really, when a mother loves her children more than life itself, people must know she will stop at nothing to protect her children.

I can see why you might feel bad for having reacted the way you did.

Your husband says that he would have done the same.

 

And TrialbyFire's advice is perfect.

 

I realise your daughter may feel somewhat compromised, and concerned she may have to face repercussions at school.

This too, shall pass.

But tell her that there is no way you could have stood by and done any less.

And that given the opportunity, you would do the same again.

Never be ashamed or concerned about protecting those who are in need.

 

I tell you, had I been walking along the pavement, I would have said something, even though I am completely unconnected.

 

_/l\_

Link to post
Share on other sites

2sure,

I think you did the right thing. I would probably do the exact same thing.

 

Also his parents are probably pissed but so what. Most likely he learned that behavior at his own home. Also today there are so many parents who defend their kids. my husband works at a high school and you wouldn't belive the parents behavior. defending their kids when they are looking at pron getting expelled etc..

 

also I think you are brave because frankly 14 year old boys can be huge. I am smaller than 98% percent of them.

 

your daughter is embaressed now but she'll get over it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, I would pay money to see 2sure running after the little brat, in a pencil skirt. But we live in the country and are starved for entertainment.:D

Link to post
Share on other sites
donnamaybe
Yes, I would pay money to see 2sure running after the little brat, in a pencil skirt. But we live in the country and are starved for entertainment.:D

 

True that!!! :p

Link to post
Share on other sites
BlueEyedDevil
This is what is wrong with many of today's kids. Not that we should allow people to smack our kids around (which is NOT at all what happened here), but rather than find out what the kid is doing harassing this girl for all this time and THEN laying hands on her, the parent would go on the offensive toward the parent whose child got slapped by their kid?! :confused: Wow.

 

i am only trying to look at the other side. it may help preface the meeting with these folks.

 

2sure, i know in my county we can access the district court cases and look up names, it might behoove you to do that with these parents. if they do or their kid gets in trouble a lot they may know how to work the system so to speak.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...