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What I think about hitting children.


Geishawhelk

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It is completely and utterly unjustified and indefensible.

 

This Thread is not aimed at anyone. This thread is not to criticise anyone, but it criticises physical discipline.

I'm not talking about the kind of hitting that social services or the Authorities should be aware of, that leaves a child seriously hurt, battered and bruised.

I'm talking about familial 'habitual' smacking and discipline.

And I still deplore it.

 

To my mind, and in my opinion, any type of violence towards a young child is a loss of personal control, and an inability of the adult to control their own reflexes and anger.

Basically, what an adult is doing when they hit a child, is admitting that their logic, reason and temperament are not sufficiently controlled to be able to deal with a situation with words and other forms of discipline, so they resort to violence.

Hitting a child.

Who cannot defend themselves, or hit back.

If the same level of 'violence' were to be used against another adult, they'd be entitled to press charges.

But nobody either defends the child, or stops the impact, because it's called parenting, right?

 

It's discipline.

It's natural. Every parent does it. heck, "my parents did it to me, and it never damaged me none!"

 

Well if it never damaged "you" why are "you" also hitting "your" children in this day and age? Now more than ever, communication is in full swing. We can get training and counselling in ways our parents never could or did.

 

Hitting a child is inexcusable and there is no justification.

My children are 25 and 17 respectively. I hit the eldest one once, and the youngest one twice.

Horrible.

Stupid and senseless.

I apologised to them.

I was genuinely sorry for having laid my hands on them.

What they had done required discipline, and I made no apology for that. my 'crime' was to have communicated my anger through slapping.

What they did was wrong.

But so was my reaction.

 

 

Thoughts?

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Dexter Morgan

I don't "hit" my boys. Once in a blue moon when all else fails, a little swat on the tush gets the point across.

 

I was spanked as a kid. never "hit". And I learned to respect what my parents said. I see too many disrespectful kids that do whatever they want nowadays because the parents are afraid of them.

 

and the rest of us have to put up with their behavior in public.

 

And the saying, "this is going to hurt me worse than you" is TRUE.

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Well you aren't supposed to control your children any more ..... that way when the grow up the cops can tazer them instead.

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We were raised without domestic violence of any kind, including emotional or verbal abuse. Voices were never even raised. It's not necessary if handled properly. Reward and enable positive functional behaviours and create clear consequences for negative behaviours.

 

My parents were strict in many ways but very cool in others. They encouraged free thinking while providing us with strong foundations for morality and let us know they would always love us no matter what, were proud and respected us/our accomplishments. All four kids grew up far from perfect but not bad either. We're all overachievers and tend to be perfectionists, which for some, is considered dysfunctional. On the otherhand, what else do you do with four high-energy, stubborn and opinionated kids? I guess some would flatten high spirits with abuse, whether it be physical/emotional/verbal or any combination of the above.

 

I really do despise abusive parents. Children should be treated like gifts, to be treasured and treated with respect and love. Age appropriate parenting with strong boundaries and a lot of love and security, to me, is the best parenting style. Others might and probably will disagree.

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Pro 13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his children: but he that loveth them chasteneth them quickly.
Please.....never do this with anger!

 

Being beaten as a youngster I've had to train myself on discplining my children. For the first decade of our marriage, I would leave this up to Mrs. Moose.

 

But then, (As I got further into God's Word) I found it's my job.

 

So I calmly set them down and explain to them why they are about to be punished, I then ask them to repeat to me the reasoning why this has to take place.

 

Then I beat the livin' crap out of em'.......(Just Joking)

 

99% of the time, they'll come to me later the same day/evening and apologize, tell me they love me, and they are sorry for hurting me.

 

Spanking - OK

Beatings - NEVER!

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Wooden spoon thread lives again!
How'd you know I (use to) use wooden spoons??? (There was a strange, "security" crew at the house the other day......hmmmm)

 

I had to switch to plastic ones though.......lol

 

It's funny this thread was brought up......my 20 year old just told me the other day that,

So I calmly set them down and explain to them why they are about to be punished, I then ask them to repeat to me the reasoning why this has to take place.
This part was what was the most painful to him......:lmao:
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How'd you know I (use to) use wooden spoons??? (There was a strange, "security" crew at the house the other day......hmmmm)

 

I had to switch to plastic ones though.......lol

 

It's funny this thread was brought up......my 20 year old just told me the other day that,This part was what was the most painful to him......:lmao:

 

Rubber hoses don't leave marks.

 

I wonder if spooning (spanking not cuddling) works on a spouse too?

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To my mind, and in my opinion, any type of violence towards a young child is a loss of personal control, and an inability of the adult to control their own reflexes and anger.

Basically, what an adult is doing when they hit a child, is admitting that their logic, reason and temperament are not sufficiently controlled to be able to deal with a situation with words and other forms of discipline, so they resort to violence.

Hitting a child.

Who cannot defend themselves, or hit back.

If the same level of 'violence' were to be used against another adult, they'd be entitled to press charges.

But nobody either defends the child, or stops the impact, because it's called parenting, right?

 

To leverage off these comments, why do people allow their anger to manifest in physical violence towards children? When young, children are tiny compared to you, intellectually, emotionally or physically. They rely on you for everything. How can you hurt them for no reason beyond your own inability to control your own emotions sufficiently that you're able to rationally affect their behaviours?

 

Are you so stupid that you're incapable of thinking faster than a 2 year old? If a 16 year old provides you with a rational argument, are you so low in self-esteem that you can't admit that they could be right?

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I'm talking about familial 'habitual' smacking and discipline.

And I still deplore it.

 

 

I spanked my children until they were about 3 - 4 years old. I invited them to smack my hand at around this age so that they could see what it was like for themselves.. this seemed to teach them something as I never had to smack them again after that end lesson. I also raised them with a strict no hitting each other rule, which may seem hypocritical because I smacked them but they understood .. and it all worked out alright in the end.

 

Below three or four years old I dont think children comprehend dangers and bad behaviours very well and a smack on the bottom or hand in extreme situations worked.

 

I agree that one should never beat their child in anger, nor overly chastise them for stupid ****.. but sometimes kids are quite simply bad and if the behaviour isnt stopped, they will take over your house and mind.

 

When I met my Hubby his boys were 4 and 7 years old and he was still smacking them. I made him stop doing this because I didnt like it. A mans smack can be too hard - especially when he is very angry!! Anyhow, his shouting voice seemed to do the deed and by the time they got the 'man smack' they were terrified. Anyhow, the boys would also hit each other at every opportunity and it was all quite uncivilised. I could not be doing with all THAT going off in the house so all of that had to stop!!!

 

Conversely, I would say that the whole talking through everything with ones children can be quite tiresome in itself .. but long-term it is the better thing to do once a child reaches a certain age as long as the Parent is not easily manipulated or fickle... this is just as disasterous long-term. I have heard some pretty stupid conversation between Parent and child where I have felt utter dispare at the Parents lack of consistency.

 

For example, I hate seeing Parents walking away from very young children in anger and speaking to them as though the child is their equal! I do not like seeing children being smacked in Public either..

 

Eve xx

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Watch some daytime talk shows and you'll see a number of kids who deserve a good beating.

I can see your point. We have those shows here too.

 

But is it their fault - or the fault of parents who have no business being parents in the first place?

occasionally, you see the kids' behaviour, and blanch at the attitude and language.

But then, out come the parents.... and you know where they got it from.

The parents come out all guns firing, with foul language, defensiveness, attitude and defiance.

 

Everybody likes to criticise society today, and the standards... well guess what?

We're all 'Society'. And these games and dvds kids play for hours and hours on end.... shoot, don't tell me some kids don't get affected, or have ideas put into their heads.

The TV has become the world's best babysitter, and something is horribly horribly wrong.

It begins in the home.

Like I said, this isn't a blame anyone thread. it's a thread primarily about chastisement of children without hitting them. And Moose knows I luv him to bits, and respect both him and his faith completely.

But I take issue with feeling one has the right to apply physical punishment because of a passage in the Bible apparently making it OK to do so.

Jesus was a gentle Soul, and exorted those who would follow his footsteps to be like children. (Suffer the little Children to come unto me....") In my experience as a Roman Catholic School Parent Governor, we consistently condemned and worked against any form of physical disciplinary tendencies in all parents who brought their children to our school.

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Below three or four years old I dont think children comprehend dangers and bad behaviours very well and a smack on the bottom or hand in extreme situations worked.

 

Here's a SIL/brother's story. My oldest nephew, as a two year-old, had a fascination for electrical outlets. At home, they had those plastic outlet plugs so it was never an issue. They had a wedding to go to out-of-town so they ended up staying at a hotel that didn't have the plugs and they also forgot to pack any.

 

So, of course, my little nephew, who was raised without ever being hit, kept wandering close to the outlets, wanting to touch them. Finally, my brother, exasperated, smacked him across the bottom. My nephew cried, then immediately went back to the outlet. It did absolutely nothing to him. My SIL then explained to my nephew in no uncertain and age appropriate terms, the consequences for touching the outlet, which included death as a consequence by referring to storybook characters. My nephew never touched another electrical outlet again.

 

My brother never spanked or hit my nephew again or his little brother. It doesn't do any good, unless you really hurt them. The horrific part of this is that fear of violence or fear of a parent(s) is no way to raise a child.

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I will also add that both my nephews are A students, athletic and have many friends. They're both confident and caring boys with social consciences. They're not perfect, like their parents aren't perfect, but most certainly boys to proud of. :love:

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I spanked my children until they were about 3 - 4 years old. I invited them to smack my hand at around this age so that they could see what it was like for themselves.. this seemed to teach them something as I never had to smack them again after that end lesson. I also raised them with a strict no hitting each other rule, which may seem hypocritical because I smacked them but they understood .. and it all worked out alright in the end.

This to me, is sending mixed messages. I really don't understand how putting a child in a safe room as a punishment, for 5 minutes is not as effective - if more so - than using physical strength and power to demonstrate how much more authoritative a bigger person is.

 

Below three or four years old I dont think children comprehend dangers and bad behaviours very well and a smack on the bottom or hand in extreme situations worked.

 

So does a good strong 'NO!' and lifting them away from the situation. What would you describe as extreme situations?

Those where you absolutely simply could not control your anger?

 

 

I agree that one should never beat their child in anger, nor overly chastise them for stupid ****.. but sometimes kids are quite simply bad and if the behaviour isnt stopped, they will take over your house and mind.

Then you have a weaker mind - as an adult - than they have as a child....:confused:

You're contradicitng yourself fairly consistently, Eve. On the one hand, you say one shouldn't beat a child in anger (so when other times does a parent who advocates smacking, hit their child?) But it's ok to hit them with bad behaviour?

 

I'm not getting you.

Really, I'm not.

 

And I'm only trying to make you see how an physical impact upon a child, for whatever reason, under whatever circumstance, is unjustifiable.

 

When I met my Hubby his boys were 4 and 7 years old and he was still smacking them. I made him stop doing this because I didnt like it. A mans smack can be too hard - especially when he is very angry!! Anyhow, his shouting voice seemed to do the deed and by the time they got the 'man smack' they were terrified. Anyhow, the boys would also hit each other at every opportunity and it was all quite uncivilised. I could not be doing with all THAT going off in the house so all of that had to stop!!!

Unbelievable.

I don't know where to start....

 

Conversely, I would say that the whole talking through everything with ones children can be quite tiresome in itself ..

Tough. It's all part parcel and package of having children. I'm afraid I'm of the "get over it" brigade.

 

but long-term it is the better thing to do once a child reaches a certain age as long as the Parent is not easily manipulated or fickle...
If a parent is capable of doing this, I hardly think they're easily manipulated or fickle. On the contrary. They would seem to have full control of their faculties....

 

this is just as disasterous long-term. I have heard some pretty stupid conversation between Parent and child where I have felt utter dispare at the Parents lack of consistency.

 

Er..... Eve..... ?

 

 

For example, I hate seeing Parents ......speaking to them as though the child is their equal!

In what way are your children not your equals, other than in age?

 

I do not like seeing children being smacked in Public either.

 

You prefer to see it confined behind closed doors - ?!

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laRubiaBonita

i am pro hitting as punishment... if it's necessary.

especially when kids are younger like between the ages of 2 and 4 or so.

but it would solely depend on the reason for the punishment, and at that age it is usually potty talk and the like......a quick slap on the hand or leg is easily understood as "NO".

 

after the kids get older, 4-9 or 10, then they get to stand in the corner, with their nose in the corner and standing straight the whole time or you get to stay in your room with no lights no radio no books to read.

 

after that they get grounded and get to partake in aweful chores around the house, such as picking up all the rotten apples in the back yard or painting the house.

 

one of the worst punishments i got as a kid was having to clean the red clay mud/ dirt off the side of our wood paneled home with baking soda and a toothbrush.

 

i learned very quickly how easily the dirt stains and yes it is very fun to throw mud a the house, but cleaning it is no fun at all.

 

 

Additionally, i was paddled in school growing up, and this was a private christian school, AND i was innocent anyways!

Actually the public schools paddled too.......

 

i did grow up fine despite being hit with many common household items.... wire hangers, fly swatters, switches that we had to pick ourselves, wooden spoons, spatula's...... and my mother was somewhat verbally and emotionally abusive( which is how she was raised)

i do not blame my parents or think that they "beat" me.

i am a very nonviolent person, i hate violence in real life, on TV or in movies.... i will either have to change to channel or close my eyes, i was the person that ran the other way when there was a fight in school- not a a spectator.

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yet, inspite of your having 'grown up ok', you still think it acceptable to inflict pain upon a child BETWEEN the ages of 2 and 4....?

 

You still think it's OK to harm them physically, and exert your authority upon them in a way it is illegal to do to an adult?

 

I don't understand those who hit their children and try to justify it.

I wish I could. but I just can't see it.

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I saw a bit of this in action yesterday and was heartened to see two young white collar professionals (the father is a doctor and the mother administrates a child care facility) using appropriate non-violent physical means to get their children's attention about dangerous and inappropriate behavior and then calmly (in both body language and speech) communicating the lessons. The key here is intent. There was no anger involved, merely the thought process of "I see you're not responding to appropriate communication cues so I will get your attention with this infrequent method of action and then, once your attention is focused on me, I will teach".

 

In my case, my parents were able to teach with words and body language, but I was sensitive to such things (words or physical displays of disapproval); many children are not, and stronger measures are required. IME, the key is how the discipline is delivered and the signals the parent sends out when disciplining the child. On the rare occasion (maybe two hands worth over my entire childhood) I was spanked, I deserved every bit of it and knew it. I was the kind of child most parents would not want to have two of :D

 

The beauty of reproductive choice is the freedom it embues. Of course, with freedom comes responsibility. I'm a firm believer in community parenting so am always willing to step in and lend a hand (no pun intended) when appropriate and requested. Children are special gifts. :)

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I'm a firm believer in community parenting so am always willing to step in and lend a hand (no pun intended) when appropriate and requested. Children are special gifts. :)

Hear, hear! Most of my close friends have children. They call me the Safety Patrol! :laugh:

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Hear, hear! Most of my close friends have children. They call me the Safety Patrol! :laugh:

Using the example I shared above, my job as a community parent (the people are members of my wife's family) was to acknowledge the children when they look to me for comfort, but still validate their parent's lesson. I looked at him, nodded to his father and said "listen to dada" (he's still real young) and held his gaze. Then we all went back to eating and having a good time.

 

I know, when I was a child, I not only answered to my parents but all the neighborhood parents, as well as to those demon spawn, the nuns at school :D

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Dexter Morgan
To leverage off these comments, why do people allow their anger to manifest in physical violence towards children?

 

Spanking them on the butt is hardly violence. I would have serious problems with anyone "hitting" a child such as punching, smacking them in the face, etc.

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laRubiaBonita
yet, inspite of your having 'grown up ok', you still think it acceptable to inflict pain upon a child BETWEEN the ages of 2 and 4....?

 

You still think it's OK to harm them physically, and exert your authority upon them in a way it is illegal to do to an adult?

 

I don't understand those who hit their children and try to justify it.

I wish I could. but I just can't see it.

 

yes, i do think it is ok.

no i am not going to start whailing on my baby, but my punishment can also be less severe than what ever antict they are trying.

 

should i let the child, after a repeated warning, go in the street just to spite what i have said not to do and get hit by a car?

no, i will pop her leg though and she knows i mean business.

 

i do not have to justify parenting to you, just as you do not to me.

 

there are definite lines that should never be crossed, but to flat out say any strike on a child is abuse and illegal is retarded and shortsighted. and the only need for justification is with you, i do not have to justify my actions to myself, i know i am awesome.

 

i don't, however, condone hitting animals- that is abuse....

 

so figure my logic out on that one...

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Spanking them on the butt is hardly violence. I would have serious problems with anyone "hitting" a child such as punching, smacking them in the face, etc.

Refer to the true story that I posted a few posts ago. Spanking does less good than an age appropriate explanation. Even though children are too young to properly communicate, they're surprisingly rational.

 

Take note of how children make grammatical errors. More times than not, their grammatical errors follow a logical sequence. The problem lies more in the English language and its inconsistencies, rather than the child's ability to be logical. Case in point, mouses v. mice.

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laRubiaBonita
Even though children are too young to properly communicate, they're surprisingly rational.

 

 

they are quite irrational as well.

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