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I have posted on here before about my fiance's son's mother. My fiance has physical custody of his son. He has lived with him for about 7 of his 9 yrs. His son's mother recently (about 8 months ago) moved 2 hours away. She told my fiance she was moving about 2 days after she actually moved. Her mother still lives in our area though. She still comes down to this area to pick up her son for her every other weekend visitation. Her live in boyfriend will drop her and their daughter off at her mothers and she will spend the weekend with her son there or sometimes they will take him back to their place two hours away. My fiance still meets her at her mother's house even though he moved farther away (20 minutes) and the court order says SHE has to provide transportation for their son.

 

We now want to move about a half hour away (20 miles) from where he currently lives because we are getting married and there is no suitable housing where he currently lives. Also his son will now live in a two income household which will benefit him (his mother pays NO child support-she refuses to)

 

His son's mother does not provide ANYTHING for him. She does see him every other weekend but she has my fiance send clothes with him as she does not own anything that fits him and won't buy him anything. She also does not care about her son. She doesn't even call on his birthday and she emotionally abuses him- she told him recently that my fiance is not his real dad and that her ex husband is his real dad( it was proven by a paternity test when he was 2 that my fiance is his dad) and that my fiance never wanted anything to do with him!! (ha! even though he has taken care of him the last 9 years!!)

 

His mother has also moved 16 times in the last 5 years!! She may be moving again (but we can't prove this) because her boyfriend told us that she might be leaving him (for her ex husband who used to beat her up and he was charged with domestic violence) or with some guy she met off of myspace. She has a myspace page and is it public and has all this stuff about how she loves sex so much and right under it how her kids are most important to her!! And everything on her page is about sex and talks about how she makes personal porns and likes to show them off. She has also told her son not to tell her live in boyfriend about the guys she brings to the house when he's not around (she tells her two kids to stay in the other room while she "talks with them". She also tells her son that I am pregnant and the new baby will replace him and his dad won't love him anymore!! (I am NOT pregnant) She also tells her son ALL the time that he is BAD and that is why she never buys him anything. She will promise him if he lives with her that she will buy him all this stuff and they will do fun things every day. But for the last two years she has NEVER taken him anywhere!!

 

She also tells him that while he is away with her (every other weekend) that his dad will forget he exists. We found this out because he used to cry and scream (just last year when he was 8 yrs old) about going to his mom's and he would bawl and beg his dad "don't forget about me when I'm gone, please don't forget me!!!" Also since the custody order took affect (2 yrs ago) she is allowed to pick two weeks during the summer to spend with him (non consecutive) she has NEVER taken both of her weeks. She only takes one week (and it is ALWAYS the week of this fair that it was a tradition that my fiance take his son to. She does this deliberately so my fiance can't take his son anymore. And last year she gave her son back to my fiance in the middle of the week because she didnt' feel like watching him. She is supposed to notify my fiance of her choice two weeks for her visitation by may 1st. She didnt' do this this year. Instead last friday she sent my fiance a text message asking if she could take her week THIS WEEK. no notice or anything. My fiance let her because he wants to move and her not to cause problems. his son cried and cried when he found out he wasn't just going to his mom's for the weekend but for the whole week!! Also she FORBIDS their son to talk to his dad while he is at her house (when she has visitation)

 

I could go on and on but this is enough- anyway my fiance and I want to move out of state (only 20 miles away) and it has to be court approved. My fiance is worried that his son's mother will ask the court to give her their son for the summers. We do not want this to happen (because he is always upset by his mother's emotional abuse when he comes back from her house) and my fiance thinks that him staying with her for the whole summer will damage him. Also my fiance works a lot of long hours and is able to spend more time with his son in the summer and we like to take a lot of trips and do outdoor things that his son enjoys. He loves swimming and we have a pool but we can't set it up where he lives now because he rents but by next summer we plan to have our own house. Also his son will have to adjust to living with both of us (He loves the idea but right now we don't live together) so it is important that he lives with us during the summer months too. SHE is the one who chose to move away but she blames my fiance (she says HE should move closer to HER) and that is the reason she won't give her permission for us to move. My fiance already moved once to be closer to her (moved to where he is now which used to be five minutes from where she was living!) and literally before he even got his stuff unpacked she moved 25 minutes away and back to the state my fiance had been living in!!! She claims she HAS to move (doesn't pay her rent, trashes her apartments etc).

 

She refuses to work but constantly tries to cash in on her son. She tries EVERy year to claim him on her taxes even though my fiance has custody and one year she had only seen her son 3 times the whole year!! She tried to claim him for welfare benefits but was found out. (they didnt' do anything). She collected child support from her ex husband for my fiance's son and from my fiance at the same time (she was caught but they never made her pay any of the support back or charged her with anything) She used to schedule hearings (for child support, for custody revisions) when my fiance wouldn't kiss her a** just to make him have to miss work to attend a hearing and she wouldn't even show up and the court would reschedule the hearing 3 times (she would not show any time) and he'd have to miss three days of work and then the court would just dismiss the hearing and not do anything to his ex. She didn't even show up for the custody hearing that decided who got primary custody of their son!!!

 

Yet, we have a feeling she will show up at this relocation hearing and tell the judge it is a hardship that we want to move 20 minutes away because she lives 2 hours away (Her choice!!) and that she will ask for custody of their son during the summer months) my fiance's biggest fear is that a judge will grant this.

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she won't give her permission for us to move

 

lexi, I think this witch of an ex has got both you and your honey (and the boy) tied up in knots with the crap she pulls, but I honestly don't believe she has any legal position to grant you her "permission" to move. I'm sure the judge might take her needs into consideration, but you know what? All this stuff you've shared, about the myspace page, about the missed court dates, about the missed visitation, about the fact your SO has legal custody of the boy ... you can take documentation of all these things and present them to the court as to why her petition to keep you from moving into a suitable environment for your combined family is pure bullshxt. I don't imagine any officer of the court is going to look to kindly on the fact that a "good, loving, concerned" mama is hoochie enough to post on cyberspace her sex-life!

 

she only has the power you allow her to have, when in reality, she just doesn't have a leg to stand on. You might want to get the boy started with a psychologist for record of just how toxic the relationship is with his mother, thus giving you more solid evidence against her when she tries to pull crap.

 

just my two cents

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she won't give her permission for us to move

 

lexi, I think this witch of an ex has got both you and your honey (and the boy) tied up in knots with the crap she pulls, but I honestly don't believe she has any legal position to grant you her "permission" to move. I'm sure the judge might take her needs into consideration, but you know what? All this stuff you've shared, about the myspace page, about the missed court dates, about the missed visitation, about the fact your SO has legal custody of the boy ... you can take documentation of all these things and present them to the court as to why her petition to keep you from moving into a suitable environment for your combined family is pure bullshxt. I don't imagine any officer of the court is going to look to kindly on the fact that a "good, loving, concerned" mama is hoochie enough to post on cyberspace her sex-life!

 

she only has the power you allow her to have, when in reality, she just doesn't have a leg to stand on. You might want to get the boy started with a psychologist for record of just how toxic the relationship is with his mother, thus giving you more solid evidence against her when she tries to pull crap.

 

just my two cents

 

 

We are more worried that the judge will grant the move but will look at the mother's changed circumstances since the custody agreement was granted in 2006 (she moved 2 hours away about 8 months ago) and with the price of gas the judge might consider this a hardship and grant her what she wants. She asked my fiance to have her son for the entire summer. He offered one month but she wants what she wants when she wants it so she refused! He does not want her filling his son's head with lies and garbage (almost every weekend he comes back from his mother's we have to "repair" the damage or upset that she's caused.) So he's worried that the judge may say that it is too far for her to drive (same length of drive as she does now because my fiance will still meet her at the same place- at her mother's who lives in our area) and will grant her the summers.

 

The problem with him going to a psychologist is #1 he can't afford it- his son has no health insurance and won't until we get married. #2 sometimes his son (when he's mad at his dad because his dad won't buy him something or do something he wants- he will act like his mom is great and he hates his dad). for example two weekends ago his son's mother texted him and told him to send his son in good clothes because she was taking him bowling that weekend. (she had told him on their previous weekend that some guy (from my space) was taking them bowling the next time he was at her house but he couldnt' tell his mother's live in boyfriend about it). So my fiance's son was expecting to go bowling with his mom that weekend (she's never taken him before).

 

Well when he came home we asked how bowling was and he said they didnt' go and that his mom told him she was going next friday or sat (when son wouldn't be there) and that if she went (she lives 2 hours away she's not going to do this) that she would call him and pick him up to go. Well that next weekend came and he wants us to take him swimming. We say no and he says well his mom is going to take him bowling this weekend and we are mean and his mom is the only one who ever takes him anywhere!!

 

Well this made me MAD (because his mom never takes him anywhere!) and we do all kinds of things with him. So I said, no your mom doesn't always take you places, you didnt' get to go bowling did you (I know I shouldn't have done this) He told me that she promised they would go THIS weekend ( his weekend at home) and that she was going to call any time now and take him. Well of course she didn't but somehow it was his dad's fault his mom didn't call- he was convinced his mom had called but his dad wouldnt' let him go!! His dad has NEVER not let him go to his mom's. His mom just never wants him. Yet she will tell him its his dad's fault.

 

and when my fiance went for full custody two years ago he presented ALL of this evidence to the judge (well except for the myspace page because that is recent and her telling their son that my fiance isn't his real dad- that is recent too) and the judge only awarded him physical custody and threw out the request for supervised visitation (even though the mother lives with a guy she "claimed" beat her up- no physical evidence) and had him thrown in jail twice (when she was mad at him).

 

The court is in PA so they are pretty strict about keeping both parents equally in the child's life. I'm just worried.

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hmm ... do you think having Child Protective Services intervene on behalf of the boy would do anything? I mean keeping him in a situation where there's abuse – even if not directed at him – is not healthy.

 

other thoughts about counseling, check around to see if any local churches or even the city/county government help provide this for needs like your own. The school district might have one on staff you could work with, possibly even Parents Anonymous? I know there's help for you, esp. if it means keeping the boy in a stable environment even though his primary wish is to be with his mother.

 

:mad::mad::mad: you know, it just steams me when parents pull that kind of crap, making their kids pawns in a relationship, filling their little heads with all kinds of crap just so they (bad parent) can be the one in control ...

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hmm ... do you think having Child Protective Services intervene on behalf of the boy would do anything? I mean keeping him in a situation where there's abuse – even if not directed at him – is not healthy.

 

other thoughts about counseling, check around to see if any local churches or even the city/county government help provide this for needs like your own. The school district might have one on staff you could work with, possibly even Parents Anonymous? I know there's help for you, esp. if it means keeping the boy in a stable environment even though his primary wish is to be with his mother.

 

:mad::mad::mad: you know, it just steams me when parents pull that kind of crap, making their kids pawns in a relationship, filling their little heads with all kinds of crap just so they (bad parent) can be the one in control ...

 

 

Thanks I will check into the school district etc to see if they have any resources. Actually my fiance's son DOESN'T want to live with his mother. If he had his way I honestly think he would be happy with seeing her once every 6 months or so. He will just sometimes pull crap saying his mom takes him places etc because he's trying to get his dad to do something for him. Just like this week, his mom is exercising one of her weeks of visitation for the summer and my fiance's son just cried and cried when he found out he'd have to spend a whole week with his mom (and he even gets to see his sister there and has her to play with and he loves his sister but still hates going to his mom's.) He says she never does anything with him and either leaves him home alone or yells at him to watch his sister all the time and that they never go anywhere or do anything.

 

I don't know what child services could do- its all hearsay and I don't know if his son would repeat it to anyone else. I'm not sure what their living conditions are- I do know they live in a 2 bedroom trailer and that at some age limit- not sure what it is- even siblings who are opposite sex should not share a bedroom after a certain age (he is 9 she is 5).

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I'm pretty sure it's younger than the two kids are, because when my girlfriend moved from Minnesota to Texas, she was looking for a two-bed apartment. I thought one for her, one for the kids, but she said it was a room for each, because by law, they were no longer allowed to share a room because they were over a certain age.

 

school would be a great place to get information, esp. since they deal specifically with kids.

 

I feel for the child, because a lot of crap had to have happened to get to a point where a kid doesn't want to be with a parent ....

 

meanwhile, how are YOU holding up with this latest twist in the Saga of the Bitch Ex?

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me, well I get kind of burnt out at times dealing with this but I am more worried about my fiance's son. I'm an adult, I can deal with it, he's only 9, its hard on him. We thought long and hard about moving because my fiance's parents live in the same town he currently lives in and they watch his son after school (he gets out of school around 3pm and I work till 4:30 (and work a half hour away) and my fiance works until 5 or 6). We didn't think it would be a big deal (we tried to find a house in the town he lives in now but there are literally only 20 homes for sale in the entire school district (and we can only afford 6 of those and have looked at all six and 4 are two bedroom homes (we want 3 because we do plan to have another child and don't want to have to buy and sell in only a few years) and the 2 that are three bedroom- one needs a TON of work so we couldn't move in for several months anyway, and the other is just overpriced and has no yard at all for his son to play in.

 

The area we want to move to is the city I work in (another state) but literally only a 20 minute drive from where my fiance lives now. We thought it would be no problem with my fiance's ex because he is offering to drop their son off at the same place (her mother's) that he does now. Even though it will be a farther drive for him .He is asking her to do nothing different then she does now! But she is contesting the move, just to be difficult. Everyone who knows her describes her as someone who cares only about herself and if there isnt' something in it for her, she's not going to let it happen. Her own boyfriend (of 7 yrs and father of her daughter) says she is one person who should have never been a mother! She told him if he ever leaves her to take their daughter with him and she'll pack all their clothes for them. She doesnt' want her daughter either.

 

I know my fiance's son doesn't like to see his mom because its a different set of rules etc and she tells him things that upset him (that aren't true) and so when he comes home he believes his mom (he was taught to believe adults) and so we have to disprove everything she says and make him feel safe again. When he's with my fiance (which is all the time) he eats things like macaroni and cheese, hot dogs, chicken noodle soup and cereal. He's a picky eater and these are his favorite foods. He's very thin so my fiance encourages him to eat what he wants. He also likes chicken nuggets and he will eat apples every day if you let him. So most of what he eats is not healthy but he's skinny and he's getting calories so my fiance doesn't worry about it. Now his son's mother has decided that my fiance feeds him "junk" and she yells at him every time he comes to visit that he HAS to start eating healthy food and that he will eat healthy food at HER house and at my fiance's house and that if he doesn't eat healthy food at his dad's then she will take him away from his dad. So for two weeks he was terrified to eat anything that wasn't healthy and basically refused to eat anything and lost five lbs.

 

Now the kicker is that his mother NEVER eats anything healthy and doesn't normally feed him healthy food (gives him hot dogs, pork chops etc if she decides to make dinner) and she herself is 4ft 11 inches tall and weighs 210 lbs!!! I am 5ft tall and weigh 102 lbs and am considered "normal" not underweight for my height so that tells you how overweight she is (and its not a medical condition) His son hardly ever eats candy either- he gets a huge bag for halloween and might eat 3 or 4 pieces and never looks at it again.

 

So I am really scared that if she gets to keep him every summer she may do permanent damage to him. I even considered calling off the wedding so we don't have to make this request to move to another state (20 minutes away) so that she doesn't have a chance at changing the custody order. But she could always take my fiance to court on her own to request all-summer visitation if she wanted to. But she's more likely to do so if my fiance makes her mad (by moving without her "approval".)

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oh shxt, lexi, this mental abuse is a lot greater than I'd pictured, because when you start screwing with a little kid's eating habits (and you rarely hear of boys who have eating disorders along the lines of anorexia), it means it's pretty damned bad. Definitely talk to a school counselor to help get this child's self-perception straightened out, because it sounds more and more that the succubxtch is screwing with his little mind just because she can.

 

as for the move, tell your honey to let the court know that he will gladly make that extra 20-minute drive to ex's family home so that she is not inconvenienced any more than she is right now, hopefully the judge will see through all her BS if y'all give a rational and considerate proposal.

 

hell, here in texas there are safe house programs (don't know the proper word, but it's where custodial parents can leave a child for supervised visitation with the non-custodial parent) to help work out the kinds and make it fair on all parties. Of course, I'm sure SHE would take exception at being told what to do.

 

just keep a file/running list of everything she does, it'll be your best weapon/defense in the future, because at some point, she will be held culpable for all the crap she's pulled.

 

I'm glad this child has you in his corner!

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Actually, the mother does have some pull here depending on the full settlement of custody.

There is two types of custody: physical and legal.

You say your fiancee has physical custody. Does he also have full legal custody? Most of the time the legal custody is shared, but she may not have been aware of the two types. In my case I have both physical and legal custody. My son's father didn't know the difference and signed both over. Because of this, I can move anywhere I want and the only thing he could do is to try to prove that where I wanted to move was an endangerment to our son or that I didn't need to move and only wished to do so to get our son away from his dad. I already live 7 hours away from him.

My point is that I have both types of custody in full and he CAN still try to stop me. If your fiancee only has full physical custody and legal custody is shared, she has a bigger say in these things.

If your fiancee doesn't have full legal custody, the mom is more capable to intercede in the move. I still don't think its likely for her to be able to pull it off if you can prove that she purposely chose the distance of two hours on her own to begin with.

I'd get a lawyer and get organized in case she does try to stop this. Its best to prepare for the worst and be able to say "that wasn't so bad" than to bank on her not showing and get caught by surprise.

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I have posted on here before about my fiance's son's mother. My fiance has physical custody of his son. He has lived with him for about 7 of his 9 yrs. His son's mother recently (about 8 months ago) moved 2 hours away. She told my fiance she was moving about 2 days after she actually moved. Her mother still lives in our area though. She still comes down to this area to pick up her son for her every other weekend visitation. Her live in boyfriend will drop her and their daughter off at her mothers and she will spend the weekend with her son there or sometimes they will take him back to their place two hours away. My fiance still meets her at her mother's house even though he moved farther away (20 minutes) and the court order says SHE has to provide transportation for their son.

 

We now want to move about a half hour away (20 miles) from where he currently lives because we are getting married and there is no suitable housing where he currently lives. Also his son will now live in a two income household which will benefit him (his mother pays NO child support-she refuses to)

 

No one can refuse to pay child support if they're ordered to do so by the court. Is she not paying because she's not working, or is she not paying because it wasn't set up that way in the divorce decree? If she was ordered to pay and she isn't paying, she needs to be reported. The next time she gets a job, they'll garnish her wages before she knows what hit her.

 

His son's mother does not provide ANYTHING for him. She does see him every other weekend but she has my fiance send clothes with him as she does not own anything that fits him and won't buy him anything. She also does not care about her son. She doesn't even call on his birthday and she emotionally abuses him- she told him recently that my fiance is not his real dad and that her ex husband is his real dad( it was proven by a paternity test when he was 2 that my fiance is his dad) and that my fiance never wanted anything to do with him!! (ha! even though he has taken care of him the last 9 years!!)

 

Laws vary in different states but this is a loose description of how to change things. Document everything she is doing, have her and your fiance meet with a court-approved pshychologist who will put them through numerous tests and will also watch each parent interact with the child. Then go back to court and, if you can prove that she abuses the child, request that she lose all rights to see her son, or that she only be allowed supervised visitation with him. This is costly but if he's being abused and you can afford it, I would do it.

 

His mother has also moved 16 times in the last 5 years!! She may be moving again (but we can't prove this) because her boyfriend told us that she might be leaving him (for her ex husband who used to beat her up and he was charged with domestic violence) or with some guy she met off of myspace. She has a myspace page and is it public and has all this stuff about how she loves sex so much and right under it how her kids are most important to her!! And everything on her page is about sex and talks about how she makes personal porns and likes to show them off. She has also told her son not to tell her live in boyfriend about the guys she brings to the house when he's not around (she tells her two kids to stay in the other room while she "talks with them". She also tells her son that I am pregnant and the new baby will replace him and his dad won't love him anymore!! (I am NOT pregnant) She also tells her son ALL the time that he is BAD and that is why she never buys him anything. She will promise him if he lives with her that she will buy him all this stuff and they will do fun things every day. But for the last two years she has NEVER taken him anywhere!!

 

The fact that she moved 16 times in the last 5 years is probably the only information that is factual enough for the court. But, it's incriminating because the court totally against children being uprooted and living in instability. Again, document this. It's a fact that the court can use. The other stuff will have to be backed up by testimony - even the son. I'm usually not in favor of involving a child but in this kind of situation, it may be necessary.

 

She also tells him that while he is away with her (every other weekend) that his dad will forget he exists. We found this out because he used to cry and scream (just last year when he was 8 yrs old) about going to his mom's and he would bawl and beg his dad "don't forget about me when I'm gone, please don't forget me!!!" Also since the custody order took affect (2 yrs ago) she is allowed to pick two weeks during the summer to spend with him (non consecutive) she has NEVER taken both of her weeks. She only takes one week (and it is ALWAYS the week of this fair that it was a tradition that my fiance take his son to. She does this deliberately so my fiance can't take his son anymore. And last year she gave her son back to my fiance in the middle of the week because she didnt' feel like watching him. She is supposed to notify my fiance of her choice two weeks for her visitation by may 1st. She didnt' do this this year. Instead last friday she sent my fiance a text message asking if she could take her week THIS WEEK. no notice or anything. My fiance let her because he wants to move and her not to cause problems. his son cried and cried when he found out he wasn't just going to his mom's for the weekend but for the whole week!! Also she FORBIDS their son to talk to his dad while he is at her house (when she has visitation)

 

The things she says to her son are incorrigable but, again, the son will probably have to testify in order for this to have any impact. Document the fact that she has never taken advantage of her summer visitation.

 

I'm curious about who your husband's attorney was and why the divorce decree was set up the way it was for summer visitation. If you end up in court again and can't get supervised visitation for her, then at least change the decree to state the exact dates of her visitation - then there will never be any confusion. For example, from Jun 1 - Jun 14. If she takes him during that time, great. If she doesn't, she misses the boat.

 

Most divorce decrees state that both parents have a right to be able to talk to their child while they're at the other parents' home. Enforcing it is difficult but it's one more strike against her - whether it's stated or not. Document it.

 

I could go on and on but this is enough- anyway my fiance and I want to move out of state (only 20 miles away) and it has to be court approved. My fiance is worried that his son's mother will ask the court to give her their son for the summers. We do not want this to happen (because he is always upset by his mother's emotional abuse when he comes back from her house) and my fiance thinks that him staying with her for the whole summer will damage him. Also my fiance works a lot of long hours and is able to spend more time with his son in the summer and we like to take a lot of trips and do outdoor things that his son enjoys. He loves swimming and we have a pool but we can't set it up where he lives now because he rents but by next summer we plan to have our own house. Also his son will have to adjust to living with both of us (He loves the idea but right now we don't live together) so it is important that he lives with us during the summer months too. SHE is the one who chose to move away but she blames my fiance (she says HE should move closer to HER) and that is the reason she won't give her permission for us to move. My fiance already moved once to be closer to her (moved to where he is now which used to be five minutes from where she was living!) and literally before he even got his stuff unpacked she moved 25 minutes away and back to the state my fiance had been living in!!! She claims she HAS to move (doesn't pay her rent, trashes her apartments etc).

 

What your attorney will probably do is request that the boundaries of where the dad can move be changed. But this will also probably include both parents, not just the dad. I would be curious that if he can take the son away from the mom completely, those boundaries could be removed. Something to ask about.

 

She refuses to work but constantly tries to cash in on her son. She tries EVERy year to claim him on her taxes even though my fiance has custody and one year she had only seen her son 3 times the whole year!! She tried to claim him for welfare benefits but was found out. (they didnt' do anything). She collected child support from her ex husband for my fiance's son and from my fiance at the same time (she was caught but they never made her pay any of the support back or charged her with anything) She used to schedule hearings (for child support, for custody revisions) when my fiance wouldn't kiss her a** just to make him have to miss work to attend a hearing and she wouldn't even show up and the court would reschedule the hearing 3 times (she would not show any time) and he'd have to miss three days of work and then the court would just dismiss the hearing and not do anything to his ex. She didn't even show up for the custody hearing that decided who got primary custody of their son!!!

 

Yet, we have a feeling she will show up at this relocation hearing and tell the judge it is a hardship that we want to move 20 minutes away because she lives 2 hours away (Her choice!!) and that she will ask for custody of their son during the summer months) my fiance's biggest fear is that a judge will grant this.

 

I have never heard of any parent getting the entire summer with a child, unless both parents agree to it. Your fiance's primary focus needs to be to get this child away from his mother completely. If he can't do that, then go for supervised visitation. If he can't get that, then the divorce decree needs to be changed so that the boundaries are very clear with specific guidelines and dates. He's in the perfect position because he already has custody and provides stability for his son.

 

The two of you need to talk to an attorney and find out what you need to be doing and what your options are. I would say that, based on how things are now, the courts are very unlikely to award more time to her. Your fiance needs to take back control of this situation and stop this insane dance he and his ex are doing.

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No one can refuse to pay child support if they're ordered to do so by the court. Is she not paying because she's not working, or is she not paying because it wasn't set up that way in the divorce decree? If she was ordered to pay and she isn't paying, she needs to be reported. The next time she gets a job, they'll garnish her wages before she knows what hit her.

 

Actually, yes she does refuse to pay child support. And evidently there are ways to get around it. My fiance (since his son was two years old) had a child support order that she was supposed to pay $100 a month. She NEVER paid it. They garnished her $500 tax refund and gave that to him one year.She never paid a penny after that. She was over $3,000 in arrears and refused to work. The judge in the last custody case (2006) dismissed her arrears. When he tried to get child support recently, the courts told him he has to provide the information about where she is working for them to garnish her wages. Well he has no idea because #1 she harldy ever works and if she does she might work somewhere for a few weeks or so and quit. She now lives 2 hours away and unless my fiance wants to drive there and follow her around.(basically) he has no way of knowing where she is working. She won't tell him. This is a woman who wouldn't even tell him her address. I honestly don't think she has worked at all in the last 2 years at least. Her daughter is 5 and she uses that as an excuse as to why she can't work.

 

 

Laws vary in different states but this is a loose description of how to change things. Document everything she is doing, have her and your fiance meet with a court-approved pshychologist who will put them through numerous tests and will also watch each parent interact with the child. Then go back to court and, if you can prove that she abuses the child, request that she lose all rights to see her son, or that she only be allowed supervised visitation with him. This is costly but if he's being abused and you can afford it, I would do it.

This is a good idea, but I doubt my fiance's son's motehr would show up. She doesn't show up for anything else, even when threatened with jail, fines etc. It's because they never follow through and punish her for ANYTHING.

 

The fact that she moved 16 times in the last 5 years is probably the only information that is factual enough for the court. But, it's incriminating because the court totally against children being uprooted and living in instability. Again, document this. It's a fact that the court can use. The other stuff will have to be backed up by testimony - even the son. I'm usually not in favor of involving a child but in this kind of situation, it may be necessary.

 

Actually this information was provided at both of his custody cases (first one he was awarded shared physical custody and 2nd (2006) he was awarded primary physical custody and they share legal custody. in 2006 she had moved about 12 times in the last 4 years and she abandoned her son-didn't seem him but twice in the last 12 months, my fiance didnt' even know where she was living (in another state) and yet the judge still threw out his request for full custody with supervised visitation. now she sees her son all the time as ordered in the custody agreement (every other weekend) so that makes her look like she is trying.

 

I'm curious about who your husband's attorney was and why the divorce decree was set up the way it was for summer visitation. If you end up in court again and can't get supervised visitation for her, then at least change the decree to state the exact dates of her visitation - then there will never be any confusion. For example, from Jun 1 - Jun 14. If she takes him during that time, great. If she doesn't, she misses the boat.

 

Most divorce decrees state that both parents have a right to be able to talk to their child while they're at the other parents' home. Enforcing it is difficult but it's one more strike against her - whether it's stated or not. Document it.

 

 

My fiance and his ex were never married. Never even lived together after his son was born. It is a very long story but basically she cheated on him and married some older man and tried to pass the baby off as his. When my fiance's son was about 8 months old she told him it was his kid and dropped him off on the weekends for my fiance (I didn't know him back then) to see him. After about 3 weekends of him spending time with his son, the mother never came back and told my fiance to "keep him". He did for the next two years until she decided she needed child support (she was divorced from her husband and living with a new guy) and so she came one day and picked up their son and refused to bring him back (he was 3) She refused to let him see his own son (that he raised) for a few months and then she'd bring him back.

 

The last time he took her to court for custody the agreement is pretty specific except it just states that each gets their son for 2 non consecutive weeks during the either June, July and August. It states that each party has to inform each other of their choice of 2 weeks by May 1st. the mother has NEVER done this. Normally each year (well the last two since the order) the week she chooses is the week my fiance has a tradition of taking his son to this big stock car competition at a state fair that he attends every year. His son loves this event and for the last 6 years they've gone together and spent the week there. Well since the custody agreement his son's mother ALWAYS chooses this one particular week to spend with their son and she has told my fiance she is doing it to "screw you over" so he can't take his son to this event like he loves.

She has NEVER taken both of her weeks during the summer, just that one.

Also she gave NO notice this year. She just texted my fiance the day she was supposed to take their son for the weekend and asked if she could keep him all week. My fiance okayed it but didnt' send any clothes with their son (she has NO clothes for him at her house) and she was mad.

 

 

Also my fiance's son has been at his mother's all week and my fiance called his ex to give her some info about their son and she REFUSED to let their son talk to his dad. My fiance got a call two days later from his son (he had to go behind his mom's back to call his dad) and his son just wanted to tell him he loved his dad and that his mom wouldn't let him talk to him at all.

 

What your attorney will probably do is request that the boundaries of where the dad can move be changed. But this will also probably include both parents, not just the dad. I would be curious that if he can take the son away from the mom completely, those boundaries could be removed. Something to ask about.

 

My fiance had a very good attorney the last time he went to court for custody. His attorney asked for full custody with supervised visitation for the mother.This time he isnt' asking for changes in custody, he just is asking to move out of state.(20 minutes away from where he lives now) Even though his son's mother basically abandoned him, didnt' show up for the custody hearing, even though it was rescheduled for her 3 times, even though she did not attend a court ordered parenting class, though she had a history of moving excessively, though the year she had her son for the school year, he failed that grade and had to repeat it, though there was a police report stating she left him alone when he was only five (neighbors called the police). Though there was testimony of how her live in boyfriend let my fiance's son watch porn with him, even though she never paid child support, she admitted over the phone (had to call her on the phone during the hearing because she never showed up) that she wouldnt' provide her address to my fiance, that she didn't know how old her son was, that she hadn't seen him in the last year and had no reasons why, etc etc... the judge would only give my fiance physical custody and not legal and said he saw no reasons (hello!) for supervised visitation.

 

So I honestly think that now that she is "doing better" and seeing her son on a regular basis and has lived in one place for the last six months that a judge wouldn't consider giving my fiance legal custody as well as supervised visitation (because emotional/mental abuse is hard to prove)

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sounds like the judge is a real prick with no concept of reality ... because this little boy is the one who keeps getting screwed over and over and over ...

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The scary thing is that the last time my fiance took his son's mother to court for custody- she didn't even contest it!! they had shared custody at the time- a very "loose" order that basically stated it was up to the two of them to decide how they split their time with their son up. Now these are two people who were never married and never even lived together after their son was born. Needless to say they don't get along and probably would have nothing to do with each other if it weren't for their son. When the mother kept coming back (after not seeing her son for months) and then threatening to take their son away from my fiance and telling him he'd never see him again (he paid her child support for about a year just so she'd stay away and stop trying to take their son away from him- this actually worked. She was happy and didn't bother to see their son for almost the entire time (he didnt tell her to stay away, she chose to). But as soon as he stopped paying child support (his son was living with HIM the whole time he was paying HER child support but the court didn't know this) she came out of the wood work and threatened to take their son away from him. That's when he took her to court to get things settled.

 

His son's mother didn't even contest that he was asking for full custody and supervised visitation. She didn't even show up for the hearing! So the judge denied his request even though it wasn't contested. That is why we are fearing this relocation hearing- because we KNOW she will contest it- not because it causes her any hardship or any less time with her son- but because she doesn't get anything extra out of it.

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His son's mother didn't even contest that he was asking for full custody and supervised visitation. She didn't even show up for the hearing! So the judge denied his request even though it wasn't contested.

 

okay, something's definitely screwy with the judge .... My niece had her first baby at 19. She was having some serious problems – she married early and that wasn't working out, so she was shacked up with some abusive jerk who didn't have problems with smacking her around ... and her MiL crossed the state line with her little girl, who wasn't even a year old. The woman basically painted my niece as an unfit mother, and managed to get the different hearings in a family court in Texas, not Oklahoma, where everyone was from. Long story short, niece's BF beat the crap out of her and she was too ashamed to show up in court – several hours away from where she lived – with bruises, so she missed one of the hearings. And judge had NO problem terminating her parental rights to her baby.

 

so it shocks me to hear that an officer of the court fails to see how flaky this woman is, and how badly it's affecting this child. There's got to be some kind of agenda on his end, even if it's the old "well, a child is much better off with it's mother" way of thinking.

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Honestly, I have no idea. It was in Pennsylvania and I know that PA is very strict about keeping both parents in the child's life. It actually wasn't done in front of a judge but in front of a mediator I believe. The court reporter wrote down everything that was said by both parties (the mother by phone) and presented the transcript to a judge. They never even saw the judge. My fiance's lawyer also presented her requests to the judge in writing. He made a decision and my fiance was sent his custody order in the mail. His lawyer told him that full custody is rarely granted in the county he resided in.

 

I am probably making my fiance sound like the world's greatest dad and for the record he isn't. He makes mistakes too. He's never abused his son in any way but there are times when he gives into him too much or spoils him and doesn't teach him responsibility. He also doesn't make him wear his seatbelt when he's riding in his truck (if I'm with them I MAKE him put his seatbelt on) but my fiance just says he is a careful driver and if his son doesnt' want to wear his seatbelt he doesn't have to. So I'm almost postive that when they are alone he doesnt make him wear his seatbelt and lets him sit in the front seat. When we broke up for a short time, he started dating a new woman and let her spend the night with him and his son immediately even though his son threw a fit about it. So again, not great parenting there. He's never been in any trouble with the law or anything like that and he doesn't do any drugs or drink etc. So while he's a good dad, there are some things he could work on. Of the two parents, his son is definately better off with him though.

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Well my fiance just filed the relocation notice with the court today and the judge told him that his son's mother was actually required to get permission from HIM or from the court BEFORE she moved 2 hours away since she moved out of the county. It states this in the custody order. He was not aware of this because it says that a custodial parent has to get permission to move out of the county (the order was granted in the county they both lived in at the time). It says the non custodial parent does not have to get permission to move unless it negatively affects the child. Well his son's mother is considered a custodial parent as well as she has shared legal custody of their son. So she moved illegally and could be made to move back to where she used to (her mother still lives here) or could lose some of her rights. Unfortunately,the same judge who told him this will not be the judge who will conduct the relocation hearing. But it is looking up.

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Chrome Barracuda

Good keep fighting...

 

As long as he got a breath in his body he should keep fighting. The courts is a bunch of bull****. Just like britney spears this chick gets too many chances!!!!

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Our court systems are pathetic.

 

This is why some parents actually flee and go underground in order to get their child away from an abusive parent. A parent cannot sit back and do nothing over and over again while their child is being detroyed before their eyes, without eventually taking drastic measures.

 

I hope things work out and that it happens soon. Please keep us posted. This woman doesn't deserve to have a child. Too bad nature isn't more discerning than it is.

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lexi -

 

given your past threads regarding this child - the mother (who should never be spoken of in an unkind way while the child is within a two block radius) and your soon to be H i would suggest you cancel the wedding plans.

 

i can guarantee you for a very long and very miserable life with all the elements you consistently post about all the people in this picture.

 

i should know... i lived it with my step son and my exHusband's first W for 23 years. it takes all the happiness out of any joyous event or occasion because there will always be her intending to sabotage your relations within the family realm. heck my xHs first W even controlled our wedding day by bringing my stepson to the wedding late and half dressed- he was in the wedding party.

 

i'm sorry to tell you this. just know that it will be more than difficult if you are hellbent on marrying into this triangle (or square).

 

if you do forge ahead - do not speak ill of her - it only hurts the feelings of the child every time and he WILL resent you for it - big time.

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I personally do not say bad things about his mother in front of him. My fiance might once in awhile but he tries to watch that. As for not getting married-maybe you are right but I look at it as there are MANY people who already have children (and exes to go along with them) in my age group (almost 30) so my chances of dating someone with a child are fairly high. And if a guy is single and has children then he and his ex obviously don't get along or have some issues (or they'd still be together).

 

Wish I'd met a guy who was on friendly terms with his child's mother or was childless- but I didnt'. And when we first started dating, his son's mother wasnt even around. All his son had was a picture of her and he hadn't seen or heard from her in almost 2 years (and she lived five minutes away). It wasn't until welfare cut her off (you are only allowed 6 years in your lifetime I believe) that she decided she wanted to be a parent and took him for the school year. Her motivation was receiving child support. We know this because she was supposed to have him during school and my fiance was only to have him every weekend and for the whole summer (with her having weekends). As soon as summer came along my fiance had the child support dropped (because he would have his son the majority of the time) but did not seek child support from her. She saw him ONE weekend that summer. Thats it. She had no interest once the checks stopped coming. She even threw a fit over not receiving support and the judge told her she wasn't entitled to it as during the summer my fiance was his son's primary caregiver.

 

And when the summer was over she was supposed to take her son back and enroll him in school and she kept saying she was going to (and school had already started for two weeks) and my fiance just enrolled him in his school district and she kept saying she was going to come get him and never did. That is what started another year of her only seeing her son maybe 3 times. My fiance took him to see her on christmas morning and she kept him for two hours and sent him home.

 

Also my fiance has primary physical custody so his son is always with him. So there is nothing she can do such as dropping him off late etc because he's always with my fiance. And if she were to drop him off late on her weekends, she could be arrested for kidnapping because the court order clearly states she HAS to bring him back by a certain time and the judge was very strict about this.

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More drama with his son's mother. She has his son this week as part of her two weeks of summer visitation. THe court order states she can not take two CONSECUTIVE weeks and she knows this. In the past she has only ever used one week anyway. She told my fiance that she was going to take her 2nd week in August because her bf was going to take vacation time and take the kids to this amusement park in the area. My fiance told her to let him know and to give him more than a few week's notice (she gave him about two hours notice this time and she was supposed to let him know by May 1st!!)

 

 

Anyway his son is supposed to be home by this sunday and his aunt wants to take him for a few days (she lives 2 hours away and comes and gets him about 4 times a year and he loves it at her house). Well last night his son called his dad (note that when he wanted to call his dad earlier in the week his mom FORBID it and wouldn't let him talk to his dad) but apparently she okayed this call because it was to be manipulative.

So he calls and tells his dad that his mom wants to keep him for a "few more days" and that the reason is because they are going to the amusement park. Now there is NO way that they didn't already have this trip planned because her bf would have to get time off work etc. The thing is that apparently she deliberately planned the trip for a time when she did not have visitation with her son. And now she is telling HIM to ask his dad if he will let him stay so he can go to the amusement park.

 

So my fiance asks him if he WANTS to go and he said "mom said its not up to me, its up to you" and he told him that he wanted to know if its what HE wanted. He said he likes the amusement park but he misses his dad and wants to see him and he hates it at his moms. So he told him "tell your mom I said no, that you have to come back on sunday" The thing is they planned this trip for Wednesday. He is supposed to be back home on sunday and then the next weekend is his mother's weekend. So her plan was to keep him till wed and the earliest she could bring him back would be thursday and then she'd have to drive back down here (2 hrs) to pick him up friday evening for her weekend visitation. So I can guarantee that she would ask to keep him for a whole other week. Which she is not allowed to do per the court order (can't be consecutive weeks) and it is stressful on her son because she KNOWS he misses his dad and she won't even allow him to talk on the phone with him while he's at her house!

 

So his son tells his mom he's not allowed and he seems perfectly fine with this. My fiance tells me that he expects another call from his son very soon because his mother will either make him feel bad about it or turn it around. sure enough, about a half hour later his son calls and tells him that HE is mean because he doesn't want him to go to the amusement park with his mom (HE ASKED HIS SON IF HE WANTED TO GO AND HE SAID NO) and that his mom says his dad doesn't want her to take him to do anything fun. Well she had ALL week to take him to do fun things and according to him they did nothing. Then he starts crying because his mom is yelling at him saying "we don't want you to go anyway, we'll just take someone else with us. you don't deserve to go to the amusement park We'll have more fun with someone else anyway"

 

So his dad tells him that we will take him to this amusement park and he asks to talk to me and asks me when we'll take him and if I'll be going etc.

Then his mom gets on the phone and tells my fiance that he is selfish that he won't let his son go with them. He tells her she should have planned it for the week of her visitation and why did she deliberately plan it when she KNEW she didn't have her son. ANd then she puts her daughter on the phone (who loves my fiance) and her daughter asks him when he's going to come get her and bring her over to play? He used to do this alot when they only lived 20 minutes away, but since they moved 2 hours away her mother won't drive down here to drop her off or pick her up so she expects my fiance to drive 4 hours to bring her back to his place. He's not going to do that. So now she is crying (he told her he'd see when he wasn't so busy).

 

Now my fiance would have let his son stay there if he'd wanted to. But one thing he's worried about is that his son's mother will get her court summons this week about appearing for the relocation hearing and she is going to be furious. So she might take it out on their son if he is still there. I just don't understand why she would deliberately hurt her son this way by dangling a fun day trip in front of him and telling him its his dad's fault he cant' go, when its really HER fault. She KNEW she didn't have him for that week but instead took her visitation the week BEFORE and did nothing fun with him that week. Then she tries to entice him to stay another week by dangling the amusement park in front of him. At this point he doesn't even want to go because he misses his dad (and isn't allowd to talk to him when he wants to) so she rubs it in his face that she doesn't really want him to go anyway. AHH!!

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More drama with his son's mother. She has his son this week as part of her two weeks of summer visitation. THe court order states she can not take two CONSECUTIVE weeks and she knows this. In the past she has only ever used one week anyway. She told my fiance that she was going to take her 2nd week in August because her bf was going to take vacation time and take the kids to this amusement park in the area. My fiance told her to let him know and to give him more than a few week's notice (she gave him about two hours notice this time and she was supposed to let him know by May 1st!!)

 

 

Anyway his son is supposed to be home by this sunday and his aunt wants to take him for a few days (she lives 2 hours away and comes and gets him about 4 times a year and he loves it at her house). Well last night his son called his dad (note that when he wanted to call his dad earlier in the week his mom FORBID it and wouldn't let him talk to his dad) but apparently she okayed this call because it was to be manipulative.

So he calls and tells his dad that his mom wants to keep him for a "few more days" and that the reason is because they are going to the amusement park. Now there is NO way that they didn't already have this trip planned because her bf would have to get time off work etc. The thing is that apparently she deliberately planned the trip for a time when she did not have visitation with her son. And now she is telling HIM to ask his dad if he will let him stay so he can go to the amusement park.

 

So my fiance asks him if he WANTS to go and he said "mom said its not up to me, its up to you" and he told him that he wanted to know if its what HE wanted. He said he likes the amusement park but he misses his dad and wants to see him and he hates it at his moms. So he told him "tell your mom I said no, that you have to come back on sunday" The thing is they planned this trip for Wednesday. He is supposed to be back home on sunday and then the next weekend is his mother's weekend. So her plan was to keep him till wed and the earliest she could bring him back would be thursday and then she'd have to drive back down here (2 hrs) to pick him up friday evening for her weekend visitation. So I can guarantee that she would ask to keep him for a whole other week. Which she is not allowed to do per the court order (can't be consecutive weeks) and it is stressful on her son because she KNOWS he misses his dad and she won't even allow him to talk on the phone with him while he's at her house!

 

So his son tells his mom he's not allowed and he seems perfectly fine with this. My fiance tells me that he expects another call from his son very soon because his mother will either make him feel bad about it or turn it around. sure enough, about a half hour later his son calls and tells him that HE is mean because he doesn't want him to go to the amusement park with his mom (HE ASKED HIS SON IF HE WANTED TO GO AND HE SAID NO) and that his mom says his dad doesn't want her to take him to do anything fun. Well she had ALL week to take him to do fun things and according to him they did nothing. Then he starts crying because his mom is yelling at him saying "we don't want you to go anyway, we'll just take someone else with us. you don't deserve to go to the amusement park We'll have more fun with someone else anyway"

 

So his dad tells him that we will take him to this amusement park and he asks to talk to me and asks me when we'll take him and if I'll be going etc.

Then his mom gets on the phone and tells my fiance that he is selfish that he won't let his son go with them. He tells her she should have planned it for the week of her visitation and why did she deliberately plan it when she KNEW she didn't have her son. ANd then she puts her daughter on the phone (who loves my fiance) and her daughter asks him when he's going to come get her and bring her over to play? He used to do this alot when they only lived 20 minutes away, but since they moved 2 hours away her mother won't drive down here to drop her off or pick her up so she expects my fiance to drive 4 hours to bring her back to his place. He's not going to do that. So now she is crying (he told her he'd see when he wasn't so busy).

 

Now my fiance would have let his son stay there if he'd wanted to. But one thing he's worried about is that his son's mother will get her court summons this week about appearing for the relocation hearing and she is going to be furious. So she might take it out on their son if he is still there. I just don't understand why she would deliberately hurt her son this way by dangling a fun day trip in front of him and telling him its his dad's fault he cant' go, when its really HER fault. She KNEW she didn't have him for that week but instead took her visitation the week BEFORE and did nothing fun with him that week. Then she tries to entice him to stay another week by dangling the amusement park in front of him. At this point he doesn't even want to go because he misses his dad (and isn't allowd to talk to him when he wants to) so she rubs it in his face that she doesn't really want him to go anyway. AHH!!

 

 

that's a lot of drama and chaos for anyone.

 

let it go! it is what it is. i wouldn't even take the kid to the amusement park... that was something he wanted to do with Mom. if he wants to do that with her in the future - well then they will.

 

as far as the other girl - it would be nice if he made an effort to stay connected to her in a positive way. all the way around - your fiance needs to make more of an EMOTIONAL efforts for everyone in his life.

 

that may be possible if you were to take yourself out of the mix.

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that's a lot of drama and chaos for anyone.

 

let it go! it is what it is. i wouldn't even take the kid to the amusement park... that was something he wanted to do with Mom. if he wants to do that with her in the future - well then they will.

 

as far as the other girl - it would be nice if he made an effort to stay connected to her in a positive way. all the way around - your fiance needs to make more of an EMOTIONAL efforts for everyone in his life.

 

that may be possible if you were to take yourself out of the mix.

 

 

Where do you get that it was something his son wanted to do with Mom. Not at all! He is a kid and for a kid to turn down an amusement park is pretty serious. He loves rides but he just misses his dad so he didnt' want to go. But he is thinking he will miss out on the fun. So he wants his dad and me to take him.

 

As for the other girl- she is NOT his kid. she is his son's half sister. When they lived only twenty minutes away he would let her come over and play or spend the night once in awhile. We would take them both to the park and things like that. His son's mother CHOSE to move 2 hours away (so now her daughter is 2 hours away) and my fiance is NOT and should never be expected or asked to- going to drive 4 hours round trip to pick the girl up and keep her for the weekend and then drive another four hours to take her back. If her mother would drop her off some weekend, he'd glady watch her but it is up to her MOTHER who chose to move 2 hours away to let him continue the relationship with her- again this child is NO relation to him- its her boyfriend's daughter. She just adores my fiance is all because he's "bubba's dad" (her brother's dad) She is five. When they lived around here he only saw the girl maybe once a month at most anyway- we took her to the park and a parade last year.

 

and I really don't understand how you think I am in the way of my fiance making more of an emotional connection with others in his life???

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Where do you get that it was something his son wanted to do with Mom. Not at all! He is a kid and for a kid to turn down an amusement park is pretty serious. He loves rides but he just misses his dad so he didnt' want to go. But he is thinking he will miss out on the fun. So he wants his dad and me to take him.

 

As for the other girl- she is NOT his kid. she is his son's half sister. When they lived only twenty minutes away he would let her come over and play or spend the night once in awhile. We would take them both to the park and things like that. His son's mother CHOSE to move 2 hours away (so now her daughter is 2 hours away) and my fiance is NOT and should never be expected or asked to- going to drive 4 hours round trip to pick the girl up and keep her for the weekend and then drive another four hours to take her back. If her mother would drop her off some weekend, he'd glady watch her but it is up to her MOTHER who chose to move 2 hours away to let him continue the relationship with her- again this child is NO relation to him- its her boyfriend's daughter. She just adores my fiance is all because he's "bubba's dad" (her brother's dad) She is five. When they lived around here he only saw the girl maybe once a month at most anyway- we took her to the park and a parade last year.

 

and I really don't understand how you think I am in the way of my fiance making more of an emotional connection with others in his life???

 

Yeah, I'm not sure why those things were said, either. Doesn't make any sense. You said that in your other post that the boy didn't want to go with his mom. I just feel for everyone in this situation because I would hate it if I had to deal with this stuff over and over again. I hope the two of you get resolution to this soon.

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