Don't like in-laws around our son

[FlyingToaster]

Hello,

I know I'm being insecure and selfish, but I have issues with my in-laws interacting with our 22 month old son. I need some advice.

 

My MIL is 87 years old and very emotionally dependent. My husband has to see her every day when he's home (he's home every other week). I know that she loves her grandson, but for the most part the main reason why she wants to see any of us, including our son, is so that she can fill her day with visitors. It really doesn't matter who visits her as long as she has her time slots filled.

 

We also live close to my husband's older brother and his wife. They have spent most of their marriage bickering and the negativity is always there. Whenever we go to visit them, one will bring out a toy to play with and then soon after, the other one brings out a toy to draw our son to them. Then the other one will bring another toy, etc. One time my BIL built a pyramid with some blocks and just for fun put a little toy chicken at the very top. His wife said, "Look what your uncle built! I don't know why he put the chicken on top. That's stupid."

 

When my BIL's wife asks him to do something when we're visiting, he usually ignores her. On one of the hottest days last summer my son and I were visiting and his wife said that their dog (who is always tied outside) needed some water. Neither one of them got him any water while we were visiting.

 

When they come over for supper, it never fails that my BIL will sit right next to our son and put his face real close to his to get his attention. There was one incident recently when as soon as he got in the house, my BIL picked up our son. Since our son hadn't seen him in a couple weeks, he got upset and reached for me. I grabbed him to hold him and I swear my BIL resisted!

 

The big problem is that we live in the same town as my BIL and MIL. We also have a little private airport with a hangar that houses 2 planes that my in-laws co-own with my husband. They will go flying or work on the planes, and then want to come to the house for a visit. To be honest, I shut the blinds or put our son in the car and tear out for a couple hours if possible.

 

I really don't care for my in-laws, and I know that I shouldn't pass that on to our son, but I'm really afraid that if our son wants to spend more time with him as he gets older, it will drive me crazy. I don't really want to leave him alone with them because I'm afraid of exposing him to all of that disrespect and negativity without having somebody positive with him.

 

I've told my husband how I feel about this, but he won't do anything. Despite this family ALWAYS calling each other, they're not close whatsoever. They are not comfortable talking to each other about things that are bothering them. They usually just let it fester until they explode.

 

Any advice?

[whichwayisup]

Your MIL is elderly, so allow her access as much as she wants to her grandson.

 

The rest, well, that's family. Yes, this isn't your blood family, but you married your husband and his familly now has become yours. Instead of getting worked up about these little things, look at the whole picture. These people care and yeah, they're irritating at times, but when the chips are down, I bet they'd be there for you, your H and son.

 

Welcome to the inlaw thing. Everyone has issues with their inlaws, you just need to learn to live with it and laugh it off.

 

I'm sure there are things your husband doesn't like about your family, siblings etc..

[FlyingToaster]

As far as all access for my MIL, that's not going to happen. If it were her choice, we'd be there every frickin' day. Don't have the time for that. She lays the guilt trip on my H when HE doesn't visit everyday. We're not responsible for her happiness, she is.

 

As far as laughing things off, it would probably be much easier if my H would actually put our son and I before the rest of his family in priority. We end up having to cut short the things that we're doing because something comes up with a family member that could be easily done by them, but they call on him and he drops everything to help them out.

 

They've helped out less than my family, and my family lives 3 hours away. When they have helped, my BIL's wife 'keeps score' and if it's not paid back in whatever amount of time she feels is sufficient, the rest of the family hears about how we take advantage.

 

I know my family isn't perfect, and there are things that my H doesn't like about them, but at least I have the frickin' balls to talk to them about it. Example: My parents have a fenced in yard because they have dogs. When we talked about a second dog, I wanted to fence in part of our yard. My H didn't want to because he was concerned about mowing around it and how it would look cosmetically. My mom would talk to him about a fence, and finally in a middle of the night rant, he said he was getting tired of people (not naming my mom) talking to him about a fence. He wasn't going to do it. I told my mom not to mention it again.

 

Now I'm seriously considering having my family visit when my H is working (he's gone for a week at a time).

 

I'm sorry to fire off so angrily. There's more to this than what I initially stated. I guess part of this issue really belongs in one of the relationship forums.

 

Sorry