Gwyneth Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 My youngest sister has been very bad lately for my mother and her father. She ignores rules, talks back to my mother like she's dirt, and is failing one of her classes. Skips curfew...and so forth. Oh, and was part of a bullying click at school who were picking on some unfortunate girls... My mother doesn't know what to do anymore. My sister's father is useless when it comes to discipline--he grew up with every thing given to him on a silver platter. My mother was not raised like that and did not raise her other three children like that either (me, sis and brother from her first marriage). She seemed to, for some reason, have my sister, brother and I under much better control than this sister. She thought maybe therapy for my sister but isn't sure how that will go, as my sister already said she will refuse to talk to the shrink... She's beyong hard headed and difficult. Any advice from those who have had or do have pre-teen or teenage daughters? My sister is 12 going on 16... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 27, 2008 Share Posted March 27, 2008 Wow, at 12 years old she's certainly pulling alot of crap. That stuff usually doesn't happen until age 16. For starters, your folks need to start taking away her priviledges. I know it's hard to ground kids, let alone ones that are pre-teen, but she needs to understand there are consquences to her actions. Oh, and was part of a bullying click at school who were picking on some unfortunate girls.. Did the school get involved? Were any of the suspended or put on probation? What could really scare her (and the other bully girls) is involving the police to come by and talk to them. Even give them a tour of the cop station and holding cell...Could scare'em, enough to make 'em stop and think.. Another thing, get the school guidance counsellors involved. Also, you can talk to her, or atleast listen to her, find out what is going through her head. Is she upset or pissed off about something? Hormones going crazy? Have your folks taken her to the Dr to make sure she's completely healthy? Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted March 27, 2008 Share Posted March 27, 2008 Does she have any new friends? They could be influencing her, or even introducing her to drugs (I hope not). Link to post Share on other sites
blair08 Posted March 27, 2008 Share Posted March 27, 2008 Wow, I'm sorry. I'm sure that sucks when two parents are not on the same page about things with their kids, since your mom wants to try to do something and is at a loss as to what, and the dad having everything given to him, and maybe not to much of a displinary. I have always heard, if you don't spend quailty time with your kids, someone else will, and it might not be the person you want to. Perhaps she has gotten mixed up with some kids who are not the best influence. She is acting out and crying out for something. Hopefully both parents can pull together as a team and figure out what is going on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwyneth Posted March 27, 2008 Author Share Posted March 27, 2008 She was sent home one day from school. My mother received a phone call during the day to please come down to the school regarding my sister. She thought my sister was sick--not in the head. That's when she learned about the bullying. My sister was sent home and given detention for two weeks after school and was not allowed to participate in school activities for those two weeks. My mother then said to her that after the detention, she is to come straight home. Well one night she didnt--she didn't get home until 8 pm! My mother was livid. She had tried calling my sister on her cell phone but my sis had the phone turned off (it's an emergency use only cell phone). My theory is that her problem is rage from all the changes happening in her life. While I think she is suffering severe PMS and hormonal changes, she is also dealing with her older siblings' lives changing. I moved out of the house and then quickly became pregnant. My brother will be moving out soon as he recently became engaged. My other sister spends a lot of time here or her boyfriends. I don't know if this is all directly influencing her stupid decisions, but it could very well be. Her friends are snobby spoiled brats. This is a private school my sister goes to. My mom threatened to send her to a public school but the girl's father won't allow that. If she keeps up her bad habits, she will be kicked out. Maybe that will then teach her a lesson. Link to post Share on other sites
blair08 Posted March 27, 2008 Share Posted March 27, 2008 "Well one night she didnt--she didn't get home until 8 pm! My mother was livid. She had tried calling my sister on her cell phone but my sis had the phone turned off (it's an emergency use only cell phone)" Did your mom try to call the police? I'm not saying to file a missing persons report, but to at least call the plice to see if maybe they could help find her and look around for where she might be? Intervention needs to be done. it could be a number fo things. Hopefully she hasn't meant some stranger off the internet and is acting out becasue of that. If the parents can't stage some kind of intervention then someone of age should. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwyneth Posted March 27, 2008 Author Share Posted March 27, 2008 No, she didn't call the police. She called one of her friend's mothers and that girl to was not home. I don't know why my mother didn't call the police--I guess she figured her daughter was with friends or at the school. She said she c alled the school and sister was not at any of the after school clubs / programs (as at this time she was banned from attending any of them). I hope she changes her ways and improves to be a better role model for her younger brother who is 10. So far he is an angel Compared to her, we were all angels at that age My sister and I had fits at that age as our bodies were changing, and we were very b*tchy at times, but never did we go this far. Thankfully the girls' parents whom my sister and her click of snooty friends were bullying / harassing / picking on, are not going to file charges. All the parents are to meet to discuss better discipline within the school. I still think better punishment needs to be reinformced. Time off from school activities / programs and some time of detention is not good enough for me. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted March 27, 2008 Share Posted March 27, 2008 The family needs to sit down with her and show her some love and understanding. She is wanting attention for something she is lacking it seems. I'm not saying baby her by no means, she does need to know there are consequences for actions. I just mean she doesn't need a scolding and hollering at right now. She should have a punishment yes, but not a lecture on how bad she is being. Getting to the root of what is going on is best. Hopefully she will feel comfortable opening up to soemone she loves and trusts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwyneth Posted March 27, 2008 Author Share Posted March 27, 2008 The family needs to sit down with her and show her some love and understanding. She is wanting attention for something she is lacking it seems. I'm not saying baby her by no means, she does need to know there are consequences for actions. I just mean she doesn't need a scolding and hollering at right now. She should have a punishment yes, but not a lecture on how bad she is being. Getting to the root of what is going on is best. Hopefully she will feel comfortable opening up to soemone she loves and trusts. She gets a lot of love and attention but she also thinks the world revolves around her and her needs and wants. I don't even know how she ended up like this out of the five of us. When you are one of five, you can't get all the attention you so desire that a child in a family of two or three kids gets--even a single child gets. If she doesn't get that by now, then is there hope yet? She's one of the middle childs but is the oldes from my mom and her husband. I think she needs therapy but she warned she will not speak to the shrink. She's just RUDE, and this began out of no where. Hopefully it's a phase and she will get over it. Her friends are no help either... My mother yells at her which I agree isn't helpful. Step-dad will also yell at her because my mom will bug him and get on his nerves. Then they argue--I can only imagine what it's like still living at home. My poor baby brother--he must want to run away Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted March 27, 2008 Share Posted March 27, 2008 "My mother yells at her which I agree isn't helpful. Step-dad will also yell at her because my mom will bug him and get on his nerves. Then they argue--I can only imagine what it's like still living at home. My poor baby brother--he must want to run away" Nope, it sure isn't helping. It begins with the parents. They need to act like they have some sense in order to be strong and supportive of child who is acting out for whatever reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwyneth Posted March 27, 2008 Author Share Posted March 27, 2008 "My mother yells at her which I agree isn't helpful. Step-dad will also yell at her because my mom will bug him and get on his nerves. Then they argue--I can only imagine what it's like still living at home. My poor baby brother--he must want to run away" Nope, it sure isn't helping. It begins with the parents. They need to act like they have some sense in order to be strong and supportive of child who is acting out for whatever reason. Right, but most parents' reaction is to yell at the child. Then punish, which in my mind makes the matter only worse than it already is... Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted March 27, 2008 Share Posted March 27, 2008 Right, but most parents' reaction is to yell at the child. Then punish, which in my mind makes the matter only worse than it already is... I'm glad my parents first reaction was not to yell. Every action has a reaction, so if they feel yelling is working for them, I guess they can keep on. Anyway, could you talk to her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwyneth Posted March 27, 2008 Author Share Posted March 27, 2008 As of now, I didn't want to get involved. I don't even think the girl knows I know. I happened to call the night my mom was yelling at her when she walked in the door at 8 pm and that was when my baby brother said she was in trouble and mom was yelling at her...then my mom got on the phone and I had to hear about it for an hour. I'll ask my mom if I can talk to the girl. maybe I can enlighten her Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted March 27, 2008 Share Posted March 27, 2008 As of now, I didn't want to get involved. I don't even think the girl knows I know. I happened to call the night my mom was yelling at her when she walked in the door at 8 pm and that was when my baby brother said she was in trouble and mom was yelling at her...then my mom got on the phone and I had to hear about it for an hour. I'll ask my mom if I can talk to the girl. maybe I can enlighten her Aren't you a grown woman yourself? Why would you need to ask if you could talk to her? Take her out to lunch one day and just kind of engage in a conversation if anything is wrong or going on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwyneth Posted March 27, 2008 Author Share Posted March 27, 2008 Aren't you a grown woman yourself? Why would you need to ask if you could talk to her? Take her out to lunch one day and just kind of engage in a conversation if anything is wrong or going on. Well for one, she isn't my child. And two, I wouldn't talk to her without my parents' permission. Being an adult and her sister does not qualify me to take her and discuss this with her anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted March 27, 2008 Share Posted March 27, 2008 Well for one, she isn't my child. And two, I wouldn't talk to her without my parents' permission. Being an adult and her sister does not qualify me to take her and discuss this with her anyway. Sure it does. You are someone who cares about her well being correct? So when you ask you mother and she says, "No you may not talk to her." What then? She should be glad to have someone who cares try to talk to her, especially if she wont talk to her or listen right now. Maybe someone else could get through to her. Teachers at school are not her mother, and have a right to talk to her. So should anyone else who wants to try to help, but hey, whatever people want to do or don't want to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwyneth Posted March 27, 2008 Author Share Posted March 27, 2008 My mom will probably say either don't bother, or go ahead maybe you can knock some sense into her. I have to call my mother in a little while anyway so I'll ask her tonight. Link to post Share on other sites
Shellz937 Posted March 29, 2008 Share Posted March 29, 2008 Well for one, she isn't my child. And two, I wouldn't talk to her without my parents' permission. Being an adult and her sister does not qualify me to take her and discuss this with her anyway. Yes you are not her parent, but maybe this is the type of thing that could help her. Talk to your parents get their permission and take her out to lunch and talk to her. My cousin was acting just like your sister, and sometimes it takes someone closer to her age to talk to her. It's not your responsibility but she is your sister. After having a girls day out with my cousin, and just letting her spill her guts with all promises that I wouldn't say a word to her parents. She started acting normal again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwyneth Posted March 30, 2008 Author Share Posted March 30, 2008 I asked my mom if I could talk to her or take her out to lunch. My mothers responce was "sure. You can have her for the weekend." Last night my mother drove her to my apt--shes with me until tomorrow. Today I had to work so our other sister stayed with her. Tomorrow we will talk. Link to post Share on other sites
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