Adick Posted May 16, 2007 Share Posted May 16, 2007 My ex is driving me up the wall. We have three kids. My ex and her mother and sister had a falling out several years ago and have not spoken. They have tried, but my ex has rebuffed their attempts at making nice. Well, as the dad, I think the kiddos have the right to see their grandmother, aunt and uncle and cousins. But each time I do this, my ex rears her ugly head and pitches a fit. Says it is "freakish" that I have a relationship with her family after we are divorced. Well, I admit it is awkward, but since she is not interested in letting the kids see them, I will! Well, her mother is coming to my town to see some old friends and her grandkids. I do not announce it to my ex but I also don;t keep it a secret. Well, she had a meeting with the kids last night and essentially told them she is forbidding them to see their grandmother et al. until they decide to make nice. She then sent me an email telling me to cancel her visit. Well, the visit cannot be cancelled because she is on her way--seeing other friends. I suspect my ex will try and keep the kids when they should be coming to me this weekend. I told her that she was immature , selfish, and ridiculous to put the kids in the middle. They do enjoy seeing these folks when they can (once a year it seems). But she says the kids understood (yeah right) and she told them they could tell her their real feelings. But is a 15, 13, and 10 yr old gonna do that after getting lectured about what a bad woman this grandmother is? So, not sure how this will play out this weekend, but it will be interesting. Maybe I ought to just give the ex the number of the place her mom is staying before getting to me and tell her that if she wants the trip cancelled, she should call and tell her herself. Beyotch! OK, rant over! For now Link to post Share on other sites
mammax3 Posted May 17, 2007 Share Posted May 17, 2007 I think that it's terrible that she doesn't see the value in your kids having a relationship with extended family! And the fact that they *want* to see their relatives given their ages is terrific! Your XW can't forbid them from seeing anyone just because she doesn't like them. And don't even get me started on her talking to the children about not seeing their relatives! That's just as bad as badmouthing a parent! Good luck. Let us know how this all goes down! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 17, 2007 Share Posted May 17, 2007 The only qualifier I would add is if your ex experienced abusive behaviour from her relatives which could happen to your children. Other than that, there's no reason beyond using your children as the battleground. Sick. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Adick Posted May 18, 2007 Author Share Posted May 18, 2007 It is her mother and she is staying with me (not welcome at the ex's house). There was no abuse that I am aware of, and prior to our divorce, grandmom would watch the kids all the time so that is not the problem. They just had a falling out and she now does not want the kids to have anything to do with them. She has said that she talked to the kids and told them her position and they were neutral and could take or leave ever seeing their grandmother again (not sure of that) and then told me to cancel the visit. Well no can do! I told her that if that was the way she was going to play, that SHE needed to contact her mother and tell her that she is forbidding the kids from seeing her. IN addition, she has to make sure the kids know that it is not a mom AND dad deal but that MOM is forbidding them. We will see. THe ex MIL is here in the area now, and the kids are supposedly coming to my house after school. I wonder if my ex will take them out of school early and take them camping or something just to screw up the weekend! Drama! Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted May 18, 2007 Share Posted May 18, 2007 Subject to TBF's condition, I think her behavior is horrible. Putting the kids in the middle and essentially asking them to take sides is not just bad, it's irresponsible parenting. Of course they are going to take a neutral stance - the last thing they want to do is to be put in the middle of an adult dispute, and the best of the bad options for them is to remain as neutral as possible. It's kind of like ducking your head and staying quiet while things are being thrown around. Good for you for maintaining their relationship with the family (again, I'll assume that you are using good parental judgement that such a relationship is a positive one...) Do your best to keep the focus on the kids and the good relationships you can foster, and minimize the collateral damage as much as possible... the kids are supposedly coming to my house after school. I wonder if my ex will take them out of school early and take them camping or something just to screw up the weekend! Do you not have a custody agreement or "parenting plan" that defines who has responsibility for the kids at what time? If you are responsible, and she takes the kids off without adhering to the plan, isn't that considered a Pretty Bad Thing by the courts? Link to post Share on other sites
ilmw Posted May 18, 2007 Share Posted May 18, 2007 I'm with everyone else... your exW is being very selfish... and is putting her needs before her own children. I don't think you mentioned what she and her family had a 'falling out' about? I personally believe it is important for children to know their extended family... it helps to give them a sense of belonging to something.. bigger than themselves... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Adick Posted May 19, 2007 Author Share Posted May 19, 2007 We do have a custody schedule it is 50-50 week on week off. And I did get the kids. Had I not, I woudl have called her and given her an hour to get them to me or I would report it to the police and go from there. My son said to me today, "can you please make sure there is not a scene with grammy and mom at my baseball game" so I amnot sure what she told them. If it was truthful or not. But I told him I thought that mom might skip the game knowing that her mother was going to be there. To be honest, I do not know what the issue is. From what I literally heard (one side of a phone call) was that when we were divorcing, her mom and sister said "OMG what happened?" and then told her that they felt that a ten year marraige should not be tossed away without a fight. At that point, my ex lashed out at them telling them to not tell her what to do and how they cannot control her life. And that was the last they have spoken. My ex did write a true form letter to them both (literally it was a Dear mom/sister...you have not been a loving mother/sister for me and....) and it was harsh essentially demanding that they give her unconditional love without asking any questions or injecting any opinions. Her sis wrote her off then, and it has been tearing up her mom since. So it is not a good situation. But without hearing it from me, they would never know that she has moved twice since our divorce, has remarried, and has yet another job. Pretty sad, but I am also tired of the bullcrap and being pput in the middle. It is awkward for me. She told me that she wanted me to tell her mother that she does not want the kids involved with her in any way. I said no way. I told her that if she was going to do that, she needed to make the call herself and suggested she do it while she is down here and she can leave the message--told her I was not gonna be in the middle. Her response was simple --- you are a dick. Hey I guess my moniker holds true! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 Nope. You are not "a dick" in this situation. You are doing the right thing. She is being unreasonable and selfish by wanting you to use the children to get back at her family, to get back at you. Ridiculous circular logic on her part. I would tell her to grow up and start giving her children some of that much vaunted unconditional love. Link to post Share on other sites
ilmw Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 Nope. You are not "a dick" in this situation. You are doing the right thing. She is being unreasonable and selfish by wanting you to use the children to get back at her family, to get back at you. Ridiculous circular logic on her part. I would tell her to grow up and start giving her children some of that much vaunted unconditional love. Ahhh...Boy... Tbf... yah gotta stop doing this.... Once again... "I agree"... I only will add... Adick... just "got" your avatar...:lmao::lmao:!! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 Ahhh...Boy... Tbf... yah gotta stop doing this.... Once again... "I agree"... Ya' gotta' stop encouraging me... Link to post Share on other sites
ilmw Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 Ya' gotta' stop encouraging me... Well... if agree with what you say... It saves my keyboard wear and tear.... I'll let your little fingers do the walking... and I can just virtually 'nod' my head... and put in a couple of lines... Saves repetition.. Also... why not encourage.. someone else of a like mind... Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 Well... if agree with what you say... It saves my keyboard wear and tear.... I'll let your little fingers do the walking... and I can just virtually 'nod' my head... and put in a couple of lines... Saves repetition.. Also... why not encourage.. someone else of a like mind... Okay, here's the deal, you can post first next time and I'll just agree. Now, back on topic, I hope your ex-wife does somehow realize how childish she is being. This world would do so much better if we all didn't allow pride, ego and selfishness to dominate our actions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Adick Posted May 20, 2007 Author Share Posted May 20, 2007 LOL just noticed that too (the avatar). It is actually the setup of a favorite rope magic trick I do for my kids. But it kind of... Link to post Share on other sites
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