outofdarkness Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 I don't feel comfortable mentioning the particular names of the web sites, but I'm hoping most of you will be familiar w/ what I am speaking of. Does anyone have any feelings, good, bad, etc. about the sites that especially teens, but everyone really, are using now days to post and communicate with each other? I have some real concerns about them and would appreciate any input...There have been some derogatory things posted about one of our kids on one of these...I contacted the site and they are investigating, but I don't expect very much to be honest. How many of you parents allow your teens on these sites? Also, if you do, do you check it regularly? Any input would really be appreciated... Link to post Share on other sites
TaylorOneal Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 Lets see My opinion as a parent even though my child is 2 yrs old. I dont think teenagers are mature enough to handle the oppurtunity for trouble they can get into on those kind of websites. I do think you should be atleast 18 years old. I know the drama and heartache it has caused some adults let alone teenagers who are not equiped emotionaly to deal with the things that occur in a place like that. If they are going to be on this website they should monitored closely and their email should be checked regularly. I know a lot of people will disagree but I know if my mother would have been a little more nosey I would not have been involved in half the drugs or sex or fist fights or skipping and partying I was and I may actually made less critical mistakes in life.. Not saying internet communities are why I have so many regrets but I think as a parent you should make sure you know as much as possible about what is going on with you kids untill they are adults.. Link to post Share on other sites
ShoeGirl Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 I am not a parent, I am a 20 year old college student. If I were a parent I would not want my young kids to be on these sites, I don't see the point of middle school and most high school students to be on there since they see most of their friends at school during the day. I have a profile on one of those sites and I only use it to keep in touch with friends mostly from high school since we are now all spread around the country and calling is hard sometimes. My 13 year old sister had a profile on the same site I do which she didn't think I could see, I found it and talked to her about it. She said that her dad (my step dad) had told her that she could not have a profile. Based on the pictures she had up and what she had written I told her that she could either delete it and I wouldn't talk to her dad about it or I would show it to her dad. She chose not to delete it so I had her dad look at her site. She ended up getting grounded for over 2 months with no phone access and having to delete her profile. She could have gotten herself into some horrible situations, especially considering that there have been several sex offenders in my hometown caught through one site. It scares the crap out of me that she would think to put some of those things up on the Internet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author outofdarkness Posted March 30, 2007 Author Share Posted March 30, 2007 Thanks for the input both of you. I am currently thinking seriously about whether or not to allow the kids to continue their activity on these sites. There is just too much at stake to risk it. Any more input is greatly appreciated...Thanks again:) Link to post Share on other sites
ShoeGirl Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 Have you seen their profiles? If not you should at least have access to them to see who they are talking to and what their profile says. How old are your kids? Link to post Share on other sites
boshemia Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 All three of my kids have profiles, and my oldest is 13. I do keep a very close eye on everything that goes on not just with them, but with their friends as well. The reason they have their profiles is so they can keep in touch with their Dad and their Step-mother, and they love that aspect... However I set some serious ground rules, I set up their profiles and I know their passwords. They were not allowed to use real names or locations, and all of their communications come through me first. I've been very cautious in teaching my kids to be street smart and net safe... Because we live in a small town it isn't hard for me to find other kids that I know with profiles. One young lady in particular had a photo up of herself in a bikini, with her hand at her crotch... She posted a comment on a friends page that said "How to get a boyfriend, dress like a skank, laugh at all his jokes, and put out on the first date" The young lady is ten years old. Thinking about her makes me physically ill... I worry about her getting hurt, and I wonder if her parents have any idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author outofdarkness Posted March 30, 2007 Author Share Posted March 30, 2007 Have you seen their profiles? If not you should at least have access to them to see who they are talking to and what their profile says. How old are your kids? Yes, I've seen their profiles, and I do check them on a regular basis. They are 15 and 16...So far, it's just been silly typical teenage stuff, but I was very disturbed by the post that a "friend" wrote containing some defamatory comments regarding our son. It's so disturbing to me b/c the comment was about a school that our son attended 5 years ago..One which we withdrew him from due to false accusations by two female classmates. The girls admitted that they had lied, but it was too late...The damage had already been done. I find it unbelievable that something that happened when our son was barely 10 years old is still circulating around the rumor mill. I feel so helpless, like it will never go away and will follow him around for his entire life. He has been chronically ill for over one year, and is trying so very hard to get back on his feet. Why can't people just leave well enough alone and move on??? I guess the only way to escape is to move far away? I would have moved right after the allegations came to, but I didn't know the full story untll 2 years later. It turns out that my H had been having an A with the W of the pres. of the board of trustees at the school our children attended. The SAME school that HE went to...It doesn't take much thought to come to the conclusion that the school would have mos likely blown these bogus allegations off had it not been for the other "issue"...Private schools can do whatever they want to do...If they wanted us out as a family, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that they used that as an excuse to get us out as a family. We withdrew both of our kids...Our daughter was a straight A student who was heartbroken and still feels the pain even now, 5 years later. Every time I think I'm over it, something surfaces like this post on the web site..It really hurts, and I can't seem to cope with it. It feels hopeless and like our son doesn't have a fighting chance...What do I do? We are trying to have him readmitted to the school that we enrolled him in after this happened, but we had to home school him due to his illness, and now they are saying that we must put him through the entire admissions process again. He has friends, feels comfortable and will be heartbroken if he doesn't get back in. I am trying so hard to do everything the Drs and school, etc. are telling me to do to make sure he gets back on his feet...I just don't know if I'm doing the right thing pushing him so hard...Or mabey..I'm enabling him??? I've heard both. I'm not doing the right thing, and I'm being over protective. I don't know what direction to go in..I'm confused and upset. Will these things that happened in the past, or rather then things he was falsely accused of, every go away??? Will they follow him around for the rest of his life??? Please someone tell me that what my H did had something to do with the way the school handled this. My son will still say to this day that he did NOT say the things they said that he said. FGS, they accused him of s----- H----------! He was still a baby! He even had to ask me what it meant! Help!!! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 I think all parents should be keeping a close eye on what is being said on those sites. You may trust your own teen, but it's what's been said by others too. See below, a little incident that happened in Toronto afew weeks ago. http://www.insidetoronto.ca/to/scarborough/story/3925566p-4537353c.html?loc=scarborough Link to post Share on other sites
Author outofdarkness Posted April 2, 2007 Author Share Posted April 2, 2007 I think all parents should be keeping a close eye on what is being said on those sites. You may trust your own teen, but it's what's been said by others too. See below, a little incident that happened in Toronto afew weeks ago. http://www.insidetoronto.ca/to/scarborough/story/3925566p-4537353c.html?loc=scarborough Thanks for the info and link. I read it w/ great interest. There are some "friends" of our son's who posted some remarks concerning false allegations made against him five years ago that were inappropriate and well, quite frankly, way out of date...Some people, teens especially, are so impulsive in their thoughts and actions...Someone works so hard to get past something traumatic and life changing, and it just takes one remark to spark the fire..and the rumors, gossip, etc., start ALL over again... I don't think I could have survived having these sites when I was a teen. Land line phone calls were quite enough. While I realize that computer technology has been wonderful in many ways, I also believe that it has been detrimental in other ways...I could list them, but I'd need an entire day...Thanks again! Link to post Share on other sites
TYASAFAHICSI Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 boshemia has some good advice. What you are seeing is called cyberbullying and it is becoming a real scourge of the MS crowd. The FBI is taking it seriously and recently convicted a woman in Houston (I believe) that wrote some disparaging stuff about a FL psychologist. She got some small jail time and a HUGE fine. I suggest that you call your local FBI office and just advise them. They may not take the case, but they will look into it especially if a kid is involved. Now as for the MS stuff. I have three kids and my oldest two (15 and 12) have pages. They asked me before they set them up and I told them ok. (A friend of mine is with the FBI and told me the the Bureau's position is to forbid, but personally he feels that you will do better with monitoring). I also created a profile and they HAD to add me as a friend. So now, I can see what is on their profile. Their profile HAD to be private and they could only allow friends they knew. I question them on their new "friends" who, where do they know them from , etc. I also look at their friends to see if that new friend is on there. Sounds like a lot of work, but it is not that bad. I also forbade them to put ANY personal info on. Photos with team jerseys, school, age, hometown, real name, phone numbers, IM names, emails, etc. It is so easy to track someone down these days with a little ingenuity and time. One important thing you can do on the comments is to not allow public comments. Require approval BEFORE posting them, or hide them entirely. I believe that is set up in the account security section. That way, your son may see them (or not if you totally disallow comments) but he can delete them so the "message" is not passed along. I also suggest that if someone does post a comment like that--delete them from the friends list--that way they cannot access it in the future. Finally, I let them know of the link at the bottom that allows a parent the ability to cancel the account. Link to post Share on other sites
Author outofdarkness Posted April 2, 2007 Author Share Posted April 2, 2007 boshemia has some good advice. What you are seeing is called cyberbullying and it is becoming a real scourge of the MS crowd. The FBI is taking it seriously and recently convicted a woman in Houston (I believe) that wrote some disparaging stuff about a FL psychologist. She got some small jail time and a HUGE fine. I suggest that you call your local FBI office and just advise them. They may not take the case, but they will look into it especially if a kid is involved. Now as for the MS stuff. I have three kids and my oldest two (15 and 12) have pages. They asked me before they set them up and I told them ok. (A friend of mine is with the FBI and told me the the Bureau's position is to forbid, but personally he feels that you will do better with monitoring). I also created a profile and they HAD to add me as a friend. So now, I can see what is on their profile. Their profile HAD to be private and they could only allow friends they knew. I question them on their new "friends" who, where do they know them from , etc. I also look at their friends to see if that new friend is on there. Sounds like a lot of work, but it is not that bad. I also forbade them to put ANY personal info on. Photos with team jerseys, school, age, hometown, real name, phone numbers, IM names, emails, etc. It is so easy to track someone down these days with a little ingenuity and time. One important thing you can do on the comments is to not allow public comments. Require approval BEFORE posting them, or hide them entirely. I believe that is set up in the account security section. That way, your son may see them (or not if you totally disallow comments) but he can delete them so the "message" is not passed along. I also suggest that if someone does post a comment like that--delete them from the friends list--that way they cannot access it in the future. Finally, I let them know of the link at the bottom that allows a parent the ability to cancel the account. Thank you so very much for the advice and info. Some of it I already knew, but a great deal of it, I didn't know. I know the pwrds for their acts of these sites, and regularly check them, and most is just typical teen stuff, but I want to prevent this from happening again, so I will look at the profiles again to see what their settings are. I DO know that their profiles are both invite only, but who's there to approve of THEIR approval? I seem to know most of their friends, but I am going to recheck... I agree about the cyberbullying...It's become a huge problem w/ everyone at any age, but it's particularly hard for teens in that they don't want to "rat" anyone out, or seem like they are too overly sensitive. I find this especially true w/ the boys... Thanks again... Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 I have my daughter's password and profile because she gave it to me to check something out for her - I never had to ask. I don't agree with some of the language that is used there but MY largest concern is that they post back and forth about plans and what they will do that evening or week. I remember finding the site for the first time when she was @ 15, I had never heard of it and did not realize at the time what a big deal it was. I believe that it is better to teach safty that to completely restrict because this is the generation that they are growing up it and they need to learn now how to negotiate it propperly. Link to post Share on other sites
Just1More Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 I have one of these, and yes they are a problem i agree, they are not bad, but ppl are just dumb and retarded when they use them, they dont think of wat could happen or wat info they r putting out there, not to mention they dont really use it correctly in a sense. They go overboard with giving out there personal information and other things they just dont think.....ppl r very dumb, no offence to anyone Link to post Share on other sites
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