togethertoolong Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 I have a 13 1/2 year old girl who is very mature for her age. Last weekend she and her "boyfriend" (they have been friends for two years and have started showing "first love" interest about six months ago), "made out" for the first time for both. We are open about sex in our house and she tells me everything. She told me it was fun and she really liked it. So, do I advise her about sex/abstinance/birth control or wait for her to come to me? Suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Might want to approach her, since she's on her way to the big bang, it seems. Link to post Share on other sites
princessa Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Wow my mom would've slapped me if I as much as showed interest in the opposite sex until I was 18.... Link to post Share on other sites
OceanBlue Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 I have a 13 1/2 year old girl who is very mature for her age. Last weekend she and her "boyfriend" (they have been friends for two years and have started showing "first love" interest about six months ago), "made out" for the first time for both. We are open about sex in our house and she tells me everything. She told me it was fun and she really liked it. So, do I advise her about sex/abstinance/birth control or wait for her to come to me? Suggestions? Sounds like she has started the conversation by keeping you informed. I would keep talking about him and what they are doing...what she might expect...how he might pressure her... As long as she's talking to you, you have the opportunity to influence her. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 at that age, I imagine the girls in her class already got "the talk" in health class about how their bodies work and how babies are made. Sound her out about the sex education she's received so far, then round it out with the kind of information that she's not going to get from anyplace else: the psychological component of sexuality. my oldest nephew and I are 10 years apart and our relationship is more like sibs than aunt and nephew. When he was 13 and I was a wild college co-ed, I thought I'd be a good "big sister" and have "the talk" with him. He admitted he already learned about it in school, so I wanted to make sure he understood that feelings are very much involved in the sexual process, that girls look at it much differently than do guys, and that he needed to appreciate those differences so he wouldn't grow up to be a jerk like the guys I'd been sleeping with! I honestly don't know how much of a difference that made in his life, but he's been a pretty up and up kid, so I'm hoping our talk helped. approaching your daughter the same way might make a difference in how she values the gift of her sexuality and she may decide to wait to share because she sees it from something other than a hormonal or social point of view. good luck, I can't imagine this is the easiest subject you'll get to talk about with her! Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Not that many decades ago....girls her age were getting married and having babies. Sometimes I wonder if asking our teens to wait until adulthood to have sex is not only unrealistic....but also unnatural. I think it's better to keep the communication lines open than it is to have some expectation of celebacy from our teens. I have a 17 year old who I really wish would've eaten up my bucket of morals set out for her....but she didn't. She did her own thing and I'll be a Grandmother in August. I try to focus more on being supportive and helping her get a degree so she can financially take care of her child....than voice my utter disappointment. So....listen, talk, and give guidance. But after you've done all you can do....then just be a mom who loves unconditionally. I hope that helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 it would probably be a good idea to have a sex talk with your daughter. and tell her that she should wait till shes ready and as long as she lives under your roof much older Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 I have a 13 1/2 year old girl who is very mature for her age. Last weekend she and her "boyfriend" (they have been friends for two years and have started showing "first love" interest about six months ago), "made out" for the first time for both. We are open about sex in our house and she tells me everything. She told me it was fun and she really liked it. So, do I advise her about sex/abstinance/birth control or wait for her to come to me? Suggestions? Don't wait. Don't wait. Don't wait. She is 13, she doesn't have a clue what she is doing. Don't care how mature. Trust me, I learned this the hard way. A year ago, my (then 13 yrs old) daughter, had sex with her bf that she was friends with for over a year. She lost her virginity to him. When my daughter told me she had sex recently, we marched ourselves down to the doctor's office to ger a blood pregnancy test done. She saw my concern for her safety. I was petrified, and in a state of shock. She saw the concern of the two doctors that helped her. They came into her room and talked straight talk with her. They didn't leave out anything. They have seen teen pregnancy far too much. She listened to them. It sank in. It wasn't just mom talking anymore. One the way home, I stopped at the store and bought her a box of condoms for her safety. At that moment, I felt so helpless as a parent. I didn't know the power that I had. I felt like if she is going to have sex, then she will have it. ON the way home from the store, I could see how relieved she was to not be pregnant. That half an hour waiting for the test results makes a person think! The experience made a big difference with her. The last couple months, she hasn't even wanted a boyfriend. She is tired of the pressure they put on her to have sex. I, also, do not allow her to be alone with a boyfriend EVER at that age. That is just asking for trouble, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 I have a 14 year old and he tells me so many 13/14 year old girls are giving BJ's to boys thinking it doesn't count as sex. So you might want to clarify that with her that yes - oral sex is SEX. He also tells me STD's are common among the promiscuous kids at his school. One girl got syphillis from oral sex. All you need to do is sit down and show her photos of STD's (you can find them on the internet).... and say "No matter how clean and innocent they look - they can transmit STD's from other people". I showed my son some STD's and people with AID's sores and didn't have to say much else - those images have stuck in his mind! Link to post Share on other sites
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