Stepkids and Christmas gifts...

[almostthere]

this is how i have seen it done in the past and even between my ex and I.

 

The mom plays santa and the dad buys some gifts. Usually $100 - $150 worth.

 

I spend $1000 on my two kids for Xmas every year. this includes their new clothes for winter and usually some high ticket item. Tv, dvd player (before you could find them for $30), PS2...whatever. But i figure since they need clothes i should just buy them and stick them under the tree. just makes sense to me.

 

My bf wants to spend about $1000 - $1200 on his 3 kids. I dont really care much but I am working part time and going to school so money is tight.

 

They are getting a big christmas at home. Then a big christmas with us?

 

This year i am not going to say anything because I already saved up all the Christmas money so its not that big of deal but next year I think we should downsize.

 

If he wants to compare to my kids then he can. I do christmas because their dad doesnt. someone needs to. their dad only spends $100 each. so all in all everything is equal between the 2 sets of parents. My kids arent getting two huge Xmas so i think its fair.

 

 

Like i said its not a problem this year. maybe not even next year but soon i have to quit my job and just go to college. for two years its going to be tight. my kids are going to have to make the sacrifice they will too.

 

What are some of the practices you guys do? This is my first time doing this. we bought for them last year but we werent really living together and he was without a job so between my mom and i we came up with $150 per kid so he would have gifts to give them. I thought that was reasonable.

 

I dont mean to sound rude. i am just trying to see what the norm is here.

[Mrs. Emo]

Are we talking $1k per child here? I'm not sure I understand what the emphasis on the amount that must be spent is all about, but if your bf has the money and wants to spend that much on his children, he should be able to. You can not compare what his children receive at their mom's for Christmas because your bf has no control over that.

 

If his children go to your home to open their gifts with your children, they should at least have as many so it doesn't look like their dad spends more on his stepkids. Personally, I don't think it should be about a specific dollar amount, but rather what the children need and have asked for and most importantly, what is affordable. What are the ages of the kids? Usually, the older they get, the more expensive the requests are.

[Guest]

Why are you spending 1K on kids if things are so tight or going to be tight? You could be saving that money. You keep saying that it is not a big deal, but it sounds like it is. You cannot and should not tell your bf how much to spend on his 3 kids. Esp when you spent the same amount on 2 kids. He has two households to support. You just have one. So let him make it special for his kids.

 

Sorry, but you sound selfish and jealous of his kids.

 

BTW 1k sounds too much to spend anyway esp for a mother who works parttime and is in school. Put some of that money away for college (youself or kids) or family vacation.

[lasan]

*Disclmaimer* I don't celebrate Christmas. Never have, never will. So If I seem insensitive, it's not on purpose*

 

I know that people spend money on gifts for christmas, although I always thought the point of christmas didn't have much to do with giving gifts at all. The point of this holiday for most people is to give gifts these days. If He wants to do it for his children, why not? Why shouldn't he spend the same amount he would on his children no matter where they live? He wants to give those gifts to his children. It shoudln't matter what they are getting from other people. (unless they are getting the children the exact same thing.)

[quankanne]

about a $25 limit on gifts, especially the kids, who seem to like the little quirky or cheesy stuff. Or I give books/clothes if I know their families are having a hard time having ends meet. The bigger kids get gift certificates because their tastes are more eclectic.

 

I base my gift-giving on whether the kids acknowlege my gift. Not as in "thanks, I love it," but more of a confirmation that they received it because I'm usually having to mail stuff out. I know I'm not going to pick the right gift every time, and I tell them that if they can't use it or want to pass it on, that's fine; I just want to know if it's arrived safe and sound. If I don't hear back from them, they get dropped from the list because if it's not important to them to say "I got it," then it's not important to me to spend time buying them stuff. Kind of mean, I know, but it helps winnow down the list to names of those who make the whole shopping experience every bit worth it because they take the time to acknowlege their gift. Yes, I'm a bad aunt. But cool!

 

I definitely don't subscribe to giving high-dollar items to kids – that's what their parents and grandparents are for. Only DH's parents and mine get those, and it's usually something they can use; husband and I mostly get a combined birthday-Christmas-birthday gift that we can use in the house, then maybe a small personal item that we want or need. At this point, I'd rather just get something we can use around the house.