almostthere Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 Ok...I feel guilty writing this but I am a mom of 2. I am dating a man with 3 kids. his kids live with their mom. As most families like ours goes the mom plays Santa. I play it for my kids and she will play it for her kids. How much do dad's usually spend on their kids for Christmas under these circumstances? I have a tradition with my kids to go on a vacation every year. Since I got together with my bf my family grew by four. Is it right for me to want just me and my kids and him to go? We are taking all 5 to FL this summer. After that I would like to continue me and my kids going away once a year. Is this fair? I already know I have no say so in anything to do with their kids. So i stopped saying anything at all. I sometimes dont feel that I want to be a "mom" to 5 children. I hate myself for feeling that way. Its just that because it is so expensive to do anything we havent been. Before this relationship me and my two kids did everything all the time. I feel like me and my kids are being shorted. I absolutely hate feeling this way. Its not that I want to exclude his children, its more that I want some alone time with mine. I am away from my kids til 6:30 pm and they have to go to bed at 8pm. All i have is the weekend and most of the time they are at their dad's every weekend from Sat 6pm to Sunday 7:30pm. I really have no time with them. I have included his kids in some major things already. We just went to a monster truck show, chuck e cheeses, the circus on 11/4. Not to mention trips to the zoo last summer and whatever else I am missing. How do I make my family (the three of us) happy and how do i keep his family (the four of them) happy? I dont mean to sound selfish at all. but this is really bothering me. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 Blending families is not always a good thing. It sounds like you need to concentrate on your own kids, and he his. Your children should be YOUR primary focus. IT IS NOT SELFISH. If it were me I'd finish raising my children (alone) to ensure their emotional well being. There will be more men for you later when your children are grown. Go out on dates but be discreet & don't bring them home. Just my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
lasan Posted November 17, 2006 Share Posted November 17, 2006 Hello again, I am a step parent of sorts. (my spouse died, but I still see his children because I have their half brother). My advice is very simple. If you can't treat them like your own, you should probably move on. Kid's are smart. They can sense this kind of tension. The longer it goes on, the worse it will become. Blended families are very hard. There are going to be ups, and downs, money issues, biological parent issues, "you're not my parent" issues, and the list will go on and on and on. You really have to be up to the task. I am not saying to ignore your own children for others, but you have to find a happy balance. Children do not ask for the messy situations adults get themselves into, it is up for the adults to make the situation work for everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts