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How can I break my 3 year old from sleeping with us?


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Old 14th October 2006, 8:08 AM   #1
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How can I break my 3 year old from sleeping with us?

I am in the middle of saving my marriage and I crave a night alone with my wife just to cuddle her. Our son has never once slept in our bed because we learned from the first one not to do that, but we can't seem to find a way to keep her in her room. I bought her a tv and vcr and tons of movies. Those worked for a few weeks but they no longer work. I feel guilty because I love my daughter to death, I just miss sleeping alone with my wife.

Any suggestions?
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Old 14th October 2006, 7:58 PM   #2
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Wink It's Simple!

You or your spouse,
Try sleeping with your child in His or Her OWN room at night (Instead of having the child to sleep with you in your bedroom). Provide night light(s) and comfort things for the child to sleep with such as, favorite stuffed animal.
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Old 14th October 2006, 8:12 PM   #3
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it will not be a quick fix.... unless you lock her in her room.

tv's are NOT good fix for anything..... IMO.

i would suggest, either you or your wife, read a story or two to her around 8:30 each night, same time each night..... children THrive on structure. initially try and let her fall asleep, lay with her, then leave when she goes.

you just need to instill some bopunderies, and it is hard, at first..... but alone time in YOUR own bed with Your wife...... that is important!
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Old 15th October 2006, 1:04 AM   #4
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Totally understand.

Sleep with her for awhile until she falls asleep in her rrom.

When she comes in your room at night, carry her back to hers.

If she starts out in your bed, carry her to her room. If she comes back, do it again.

Be consistent...do not give up. Do not make her bed a punishment, but never let yours be the reward. Consistency is the key.

We still let one of ours sleep initially in our bed, but I carry him off to bed when we go to bed. He doesn't come back any more.

She needs to know that her bed is for her. She needs to feel secure there. And she needs to know that she won't be able to sttay in yours.

The TV and VCR? Bad, bad idea. Her coming to your room is being rewarded.
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Old 15th October 2006, 7:00 AM   #5
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Thanks for the comments. I will put her TV in the play room then. I hadn't really thought about it. Thanks for the tips.
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Old 16th October 2006, 11:18 AM   #6
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All good comments!!

LBR is right, bedroom is not the place for a tv for a child of this age.

1) Formulate the bedtime routine, stick to it. Consistancy is the key here. Make sure they know they are winding down for bed. Perhaps even draw up a chart with the bedtime routine so they know each step. Read a book in their room, and if necessary stay with them for a while.

2) Use rapid return when they get up from bed. Do not engage the child in conversation. The first two times, say 'It's time for bed' and return the child to bed. After that, no conversation just return the child to bed. **Note, you might have to do this 50-100 times a night at first, but if you continue to be consistant with the method you will see results.

3) Once you have the child sleeping through in their own bed you need to start using the slow withdraw method. For example instead of cuddling next to child in their bed, just sit next to the bed (no interaction) until they fall asleep. Next move to the door and sit there (no interation) until they fall alseep. Eventually you should be able to put down your child and leave the room.
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Old 16th October 2006, 11:29 AM   #7
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My daughter had this problem though it was caused by a diffferent reason.

Here's what I did.

I made sure bedtime was the same time everynight. 1/2 hour before bedtime I would let her know bedtime was coming up and start getting her ready. This included getting into pj, reading a booka nd singing a song while rubbing her back. She also had a nighlight and it helped her to have a music box set while she was falling asleep.

I followed the bedtime routine consistanly.

If she got up and she did a lot at first. I would put her back to bed. I know at 1 am it's pretty tempting to say screw it and let them sleep with you but don't do it.

Basically that's it. It did take several motnhs for her to stop getting up in the middle of the night to sleep with me.
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