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Is this considered child abuse/neglect?


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Well, I'm 28 now but I still don't get along with my mom, we probably haven't spoken for 5 years, even though she really wants to and I know she's looking for me, I feel like I had a bad childhood and like my mother was never there for me.

 

She never abused me extremely like hit me or anything like that, but I feel like she was a really bad mother and to this day I just don't want anything to do with her.

 

Everything was fine when I was a kid, but when I was a teenager my mom things got bad....

 

It sounds stupid, but when I was a teenager we had very bad communication, my mom never even took me to the dmv to take my driving lessons, if I wanted to go I feel like I would have to take the bus or something cause no one would have given me a ride.

 

And this sounds very "petty" but all through high school my mother never ever took me to the hair salon to cut my hair... she used to cut my hair when I was a kid but when I grew older I didn't like the way she cut it, so I refused. So I got so desperate I even had to cut my own hair and of course I went to school looking like crap. I feel this is kind of like "child neglect", I mean what kind of mother doesn't take care of their kid and just lets their hair run wild? What choice did I have but to cut my own hair? lol While of course all the popular girls got regular trims and looked normal, she caused me to look abnormal and that made my self-esteem very bad. I went to school with crooked hair!!!! lol I don't know if maybe it didn't dawn on her that i might need a haircut or what?

 

I feel like I never got "taken care" of. She never let me date, and didn't like me talking to boys even when I was 18. She never really bought a lot of clothes for me, most of it was from aunts and uncles or saved up from money I got from birthdays or christmas. I don't think she cooked breakfast for me, I always had to make my own sandwich in the morning.

 

I watch tv and see all these moms making breakfast, taking their daughters to the makeup counter/salon, taking them for their driving test, taking them shopping, and i feel like I never got any of that!!

 

I just feel like she was a very bad mother and I feel like I have so much hatred for her...

 

Most other kids got their licenses when they were 16, but I feel like my mom delayed it and never encouraged me to even go get my license, i'm not asking for a car here, just to take the test, because she didn't want me to leave her or something.

 

And she was overprotective, opening my mail and eavesdropping and not respecting my privacy, even 10 years later I get mad when I think about it.

 

I feel like its unforgivable, to this day I still can't forgive her and I feel like maybe I would have turned out "Better" if she raised me better, like guided me more.

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climbergirl
Well, I'm 28 now but I still don't get along with my mom, we probably haven't spoken for 5 years, even though she really wants to and I know she's looking for me, I feel like I had a bad childhood and like my mother was never there for me.

 

She never abused me extremely like hit me or anything like that, but I feel like she was a really bad mother and to this day I just don't want anything to do with her.

 

Everything was fine when I was a kid, but when I was a teenager my mom things got bad....

 

It sounds stupid, but when I was a teenager we had very bad communication, my mom never even took me to the dmv to take my driving lessons, if I wanted to go I feel like I would have to take the bus or something cause no one would have given me a ride.

 

And this sounds very "petty" but all through high school my mother never ever took me to the hair salon to cut my hair... she used to cut my hair when I was a kid but when I grew older I didn't like the way she cut it, so I refused. So I got so desperate I even had to cut my own hair and of course I went to school looking like crap. I feel this is kind of like "child neglect", I mean what kind of mother doesn't take care of their kid and just lets their hair run wild? What choice did I have but to cut my own hair? lol While of course all the popular girls got regular trims and looked normal, she caused me to look abnormal and that made my self-esteem very bad. I went to school with crooked hair!!!! lol I don't know if maybe it didn't dawn on her that i might need a haircut or what?

 

I feel like I never got "taken care" of. She never let me date, and didn't like me talking to boys even when I was 18. She never really bought a lot of clothes for me, most of it was from aunts and uncles or saved up from money I got from birthdays or christmas. I don't think she cooked breakfast for me, I always had to make my own sandwich in the morning.

 

I watch tv and see all these moms making breakfast, taking their daughters to the makeup counter/salon, taking them for their driving test, taking them shopping, and i feel like I never got any of that!!

 

I just feel like she was a very bad mother and I feel like I have so much hatred for her...

 

Most other kids got their licenses when they were 16, but I feel like my mom delayed it and never encouraged me to even go get my license, i'm not asking for a car here, just to take the test, because she didn't want me to leave her or something.

 

And she was overprotective, opening my mail and eavesdropping and not respecting my privacy, even 10 years later I get mad when I think about it.

 

I feel like its unforgivable, to this day I still can't forgive her and I feel like maybe I would have turned out "Better" if she raised me better, like guided me more.

 

No offense, and I won't elaborate on my experience, but this is not child abuse or neglect-it's more you complaining that she wasn't 'perfect'. Maybe she won't win an award, but...........no way! You gotta get over this.

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Evanescence

I wouldn't say that is abuse or neglect, but I wouldn't say that you were blessed with the best mom in the world either. This type of experience I would think would make a person grow to be very indepenent and self sufficient. I understand that you are upset that your mom didn't do all of the typical "mom" things, but by the time you were a teenager, you were old enough to make your own salon appointments, and you were old enough to get yourself to the DMV (although, if the system where you live is anything like where I live, you need a licensed adult to drive in the car with you for a while - but even then, why not ask a friend's parent, or a relative to help you?). I completely understand your frustration and why you are upset with this, but none of those things are essential in parenting...and as a result, like i said before, you should be a lot more independent and self sufficient than anyone who's parent gave them those things that your mother didn't. Maybe look at it as a blessing because it made you the strong woman you are today instead of a person who relies on others to help them all the time.

 

I do think you need to let go though... I don't know what you need to do, but try to forgive and forget, and get your mother back in your life. I think as an adult, you may begin to look at it differently, and maybe form a better bond with your mother... just give her a chance, sit down with her and talk with her. Tell her everytrhing that upset you, and why it did. Listen to what she has to say. Maybe she has good reason for it? Oh, and for the strict things, I have a friend who is 26, she has a 10 oclock curfew, and is still not allowed to date without her parent's permission. She can't leave either because her mother does nothing to care for her 6 year old daughter (my friend's sister), so my friend is stuck caring for her sister like she's her mother, and she knows her sister would be devastated and would not receive proper care if she left. And on top of it... her mom is constantly compaining that my friend doesn't do enough and can't understand why she takes time to do school work (which she doesn't have time for as it is).

 

Anyway, maybe you should try and work things out with your mother. The things she didn't give you are just things that people are spoiled with, not always given. So try to push yourself past it.

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sounds more like sour grapes than actual neglect. I'm sorry you have such a crappy relationship with your mom, but you're the only one who can make things better – even if you continue limiting contact with her – by making peace with your past because it's behind you now.

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No offense, and I won't elaborate on my experience, but this is not child abuse or neglect-it's more you complaining that she wasn't 'perfect'. Maybe she won't win an award, but...........no way! You gotta get over this.

 

yea I know its not abuse per se, but some sort of neglect? It's pretty traumatizing going to high school with crooked hair hair!! lol

 

The main thing is more being overprotective and invading my privacy... Even when I was 18 she didn't know boundaries and never let me make decisions, she never asked me for my opinion. For example her and my grandmother and some other uncles went on vacation and I already told her I didn't want to go but she sort of "forced" me to go, she thought I was too young to stay home alone for a week by myself even though I was of legal age! I was already over 18!

 

I just feel like I was smothered and she didn't even let me have a say when I was old already, she just made the decisions for me like I was a baby or something. I just couldn't stand it.

 

I know she does those things because she thinks she loves me, but I was over 18 already, I was an adult. If I kept on living with her she probably would have treated me like a child forever. She is just really overbearing.

 

She would do things like go talk to my employer at work, when I was over 18 because she's just nosy like that and likes to pry.

 

One day I just couldn't take it anymore and just left and never came back.

 

I just feel like she was a bad mom and that way my life didn't turn out great. I mean I'm doing good financially now, but I feel like I would have been more ambitious or have a more high status job if she was a better mom, like strived to be a doctor or lawyer or something high-status of that sort. My job is internet marketing, and I do make over six figures a year, but it's not something that requires a lot of ambition and it's not exactly the most prestigious job, I felt like I could have done better in life and aimed for better if I didn't have such a crappy childhood and a mother who wasn't supportive enough.

 

She would always tell me "do good in school, and study" but she never even thought that I might need to take my drivers license when I was 16, I mean how did she expect me to go to college if I can't drive?

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Some kids at age 16 are not ready for the responsibility of driving a car. They are not mature enough. They will use bad judgement. Your mom may have felt you weren't ready. I don't know of course if that was the case or not, but there is nothing wrong with waiting until a later time to get a drivers license.

 

I just think you're making too much out of all this and it is a shame. And you did say things between you and your mom were good until your teenage years..well, that can happen, those years are very difficult. I remember someone making the comment to me that having teenagers turns you into someone you always hoped you'd never be. I would almost bet the farm that one day you'll have sort of an awakening, probably when you're raising your own kids...

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Some kids at age 16 are not ready for the responsibility of driving a car. They are not mature enough. They will use bad judgement. Your mom may have felt you weren't ready. I don't know of course if that was the case or not, but there is nothing wrong with waiting until a later time to get a drivers license.

 

I just think you're making too much out of all this and it is a shame. And you did say things between you and your mom were good until your teenage years..well, that can happen, those years are very difficult. I remember someone making the comment to me that having teenagers turns you into someone you always hoped you'd never be. I would almost bet the farm that one day you'll have sort of an awakening, probably when you're raising your own kids...

 

I think she didn't want me to drive because she didn't want to lose me and wanted me to live with her forever. Whenever I told her I wanted to move out, when I was already of legal age she would always say "Your not going anywhere, we're gonna live together forever", I think she really thought that I would want to live with her until my late 20's or until I got married or something. I believe that's the real reason she didn't want me to drive. Even when I was over 18 already she still never thought of taking me to the dmv at all. She wanted me to have no way of going far and making it on my own I think.

 

And she would always try and discourage me from living by myself and say things like "it's so hard to make it on your own, do you know how much rent is? etc...." Well it's not that hard, because I make WELL over six figures a year now and rent is not hard to pay at all :rolleyes: She made it seem like I would be starving and struggling to make ends meet and as if living with her would be the only option for me.

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Neglect/Child abuse is when you are denied the basic necessities of life. Your mom sounds overprotective and like she loved you a lot.

 

You talk as if it is your mom's responsibility to do everything for you, maybe you were too demanding of her role.

 

I feel this is kind of like "child neglect", I mean what kind of mother doesn't take care of their kid and just lets their hair run wild? What choice did I have but to cut my own hair?

 

Did you ask her to take you? Maybe if one of your girlfriends was going to the salon, you could have asked your mom to borrow some money and gone with your friend. There are always several options.

 

You only get one mother in this world, if you choose not to have a relationship with her because you wanted to be a spoiled brat, and treated like an invalid through your teen years, I for one think it's a big waste.

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littlekitty

We don't always get everything we want as children. This isn't child abuse, this is you comparing your life to other more fortunate (or even spoilt) children and not liking what you got.

 

Perhaps your mother was pressed for cash when you were a child? Perhaps she couldn't afford to buy you all the latest clothes, salon hair cuts etc? Have you considered that?

 

She offered to cut your hair. I'm sure if you'd explained you didn't like the way she was doing it she might have tried it differently. But if she offered to do it, and you refused and cut it yourself, then you made that choice of wonky hair!! Not her!

 

I know my mother couldn't afford all the things other mum's could. I didn't understand that as a child, but I do now.

 

She won't win any awards, but she isn't an abusive mother.

 

My advice? Meet her. Tell her how you feel, and find out her side. Then get over it.

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Neglect/Child abuse is when you are denied the basic necessities of life. Your mom sounds overprotective and like she loved you a lot.

 

You talk as if it is your mom's responsibility to do everything for you, maybe you were too demanding of her role.

 

Did you ask her to take you? Maybe if one of your girlfriends was going to the salon, you could have asked your mom to borrow some money and gone with your friend. There are always several options.

 

You only get one mother in this world, if you choose not to have a relationship with her because you wanted to be a spoiled brat, and treated like an invalid through your teen years, I for one think it's a big waste.

 

I never asked her to take me, so I guess it was my fault too because she can't read minds, I just thought maybe she would know on her own without me telling her because it's something that normal people just do, go and cut their hair?

 

I don't really know why I never asked her, we weren't close so I guess I wasn't comfortable asking anything of her. I don't know why I didn't go by myself either, I guess because I was intimidated going by myself...

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Neglect/Child abuse is when you are denied the basic necessities of life. Your mom sounds overprotective and like she loved you a lot.

 

You talk as if it is your mom's responsibility to do everything for you, maybe you were too demanding of her role.

 

 

 

Did you ask her to take you? Maybe if one of your girlfriends was going to the salon, you could have asked your mom to borrow some money and gone with your friend. There are always several options.

 

You only get one mother in this world, if you choose not to have a relationship with her because you wanted to be a spoiled brat, and treated like an invalid through your teen years, I for one think it's a big waste.

 

No, I never asked her to take me, I'm not sure why. It's probably because we weren't that close during my teenage years so I didn't want to ask her. I thought it's something that's kind of obvious that I didn't need to ask her, everyone needs food, everyone needs clothes, and everyone needs basic hygiene like getting their hair cut? I don't feel like it's something that I had to ask for, how can you not know?

 

And when I was old already she was still being too invasive and not respecting my privacy, like I stated earlier, she would go to my place of employment and talk to my employers when I was already 18. Isn't that extremely abnormal for your mother to go talk to your employers out of the blue when your an adult already? It's so invasive, it's not like elementary school where the mom goes and talks to the teacher, it's a place of employment and I was already over 18.

 

And she never asked my opinion on anything, even when I was old, she would just make the decision and that was that. For example, the vacation thing I explained in my post above when I wasn't logged in, she didn't even asked me if I wanted to go, but just forced me to go and didn't allow me to stay home for a week by myself when I was already over age.

 

And when I was small, around 5 or 6, she made me take flute lessons, but she never asked ME what I liked or what I was interested in.... She just did whatever SHE felt like doing, it never occured to her that I might have an opinion. I was too small back then to speak up for myself, but it's like she never listened to me, she just always did whatever SHE thought was best... Same thing when I was a teenager and eventually an adult. It's always about what SHE thinks....

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littlekitty

Ok, so she's interferring and not considerate of your feelings, or desires. Have you ever told her that? Ever told her how you feel? I think you should try it?

 

You never know when you might loose someone. So the thing you have to ask yourself is this.... if I never speak to her again in her lifetime, and never have the chance to ask her anything or tell her how I feel, will that be ok with me? The answer is probably no. I know this. I lost my estranged father a few years ago. I wish I had asked him the questions I had, and said the things I needed to say first. But I lost my chance.

 

She isn't an abusive mother. She clearly wasn't great, and had her own agenda, but it's still not abuse. And remember, children weren't encouraged to do what 'they' wanted so much even in the last generation. Just because we see that for our children, you're Mum sounds like she was a bit old fashioned in her approach. Doesn't make her a terrible person though. She clearly cared about you. You just didn't always get to do what you wanted? Do you now?

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To be honest, I am not close with her at all so I basically feel nothing towards her, I have no emotion/feelings at all. In my opinion I still think she was a terrible mother and I will probably never reconcile because I went through about 7-8 years with hardly talking to her and I can go through another 10 years...

 

I felt she was a terrible mother.. just being nosy, invasive. Of course people say that if your still living underneath your parents roof they have the ultimate say. That is the reason why I LEFT at 18 and never came back. That is what she gets for being overbearing and not thinking I can make it on my own. By trying and telling me that's it's "so hard" to survive on your own... Oh yea if it's so hard then why do I make over 6 figures a year and can afford to buy anything I want? O'h yea it's REALLY hard and I'm REALLY struggling to pay my rent.

 

What a way to encourage your daughter in life, by telling her she can't do things on her own and making things seem more difficult than they are.

 

She had no respect for me so basically that's why I have no respect for her now.

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To be honest, I am not close with her at all so I basically feel nothing towards her, I have no emotion/feelings at all. In my opinion I still think she was a terrible mother and I will probably never reconcile because I went through about 7-8 years with hardly talking to her and I can go through another 10 years...

 

I felt she was a terrible mother.. just being nosy, invasive. Of course people say that if your still living underneath your parents roof they have the ultimate say. That is the reason why I LEFT at 18 and never came back. That is what she gets for being overbearing and not thinking I can make it on my own. By trying and telling me that's it's "so hard" to survive on your own... Oh yea if it's so hard then why do I make over 6 figures a year and can afford to buy anything I want? O'h yea it's REALLY hard and I'm REALLY struggling to pay my rent.

 

What a way to encourage your daughter in life, by telling her she can't do things on her own and making things seem more difficult than they are.

 

She had no respect for me so basically that's why I have no respect for her now.

 

Wow.. you've thrown how much money you make into the last like 3-4 posts. Does it matter? I don't think any of what you posted is child abuse OR neglect. I know people who DID go through child abuse and or neglect.. and you don't sound like one of those people. You just sound like you're whining to me.. sorry, but your mom was not a bad mom. She doesn't sound like the greatest, but not a bad mom. Why? Because she didn't get you a haircut? You should've asked for one. My mom went through my stuff alot, she was nosy, and she didn't encourage me maybe as much as she could have.. but ya know what? I still think she's a good mom. She was still there for me when I needed her, she still helps me out when I need help. Again, not the greatest, but still a good mom. She was of a different generation.. they're just not like the moms of today. And she made do with what we had. I don't go around complaining about how horrible she was, or blaming her for my problems though. I just think it would be horrible though if you hated her for the rest of your life because you THOUGHT she was a bad mom, when in all actuality, she made do with what she had, and she did the best she could do. I think you're going to regret it if anything were ti happen to her.

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well, i can see how a typical kid would see all that as unfair.

 

the only problem is you're not a kid anymore. suck it up. and go get a haircut, for pete's sake, now that you make six figures and all.

 

:laugh:

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littlekitty

Yeah... why the mention of your salary so much?! Doesn't impress anyone here hon. :confused:

 

You'll regret it. Take it from someone older and wiser about this situation. I had no emotion towards my father, I'd barely met him more than 5 times in my life. But over 3 years later I'm still getting over his death. My guilt. His guilt. I still struggle with it.

 

You will too.

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you must let it go, try to get to know her for who she is as an adult. parent and adult child relationships are far different than than parent minor child relationships.

take the high road.

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Curious to know why you would post this....... You do not seem to be wanting a relationship with your mother. It seems however she is still in a way in control of your life even if you do not have a relationship with her now.

 

Lots of anger here. Perhaps your anger is because she tried to keep you from growing as a person? You need to realize that she will never be the mother you expected her to be to you. She probably never will. You can feel like you got the short end of the stick, which you kinda did by her actions of telling you that you probably could not make it in the real world (I would consider this a twisted form of mental/ emotional abuse).

 

You need to put this issue to bed for your own happiness and let it go. There is nothing you can do about it know but learn from it, not repeat it if you have kids, and put it to rest. It will not serve you to allow anger to linger in your life. Your anger is not effecting your mother but you.

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Curious to know why you would post this....... You do not seem to be wanting a relationship with your mother. It seems however she is still in a way in control of your life even if you do not have a relationship with her now.

 

Lots of anger here. Perhaps your anger is because she tried to keep you from growing as a person? You need to realize that she will never be the mother you expected her to be to you. She probably never will. You can feel like you got the short end of the stick, which you kinda did by her actions of telling you that you probably could not make it in the real world (I would consider this a twisted form of mental/ emotional abuse).

 

You need to put this issue to bed for your own happiness and let it go. There is nothing you can do about it know but learn from it, not repeat it if you have kids, and put it to rest. It will not serve you to allow anger to linger in your life. Your anger is not effecting your mother but you.

 

 

Well I feel the way she raised affected my life today and made me not reach my potential. If I didn't have such bad self esteem from not getting normal things kids did get and if she did let me drive when I was 18 (she did not even want me to drive at that age) I could have gone to college and gotten a more high status profession. Now I'm old (28) so I don't feel like going to college anymore, but if I didn't have all those obstacles from her than I probably would have gone back then. I couldn't concentrate on going to college because my goal back then was to get away from her!

 

Also maybe if she asked me what my interests were when I was younger instead of pushing me to do whatever, perhaps I could have honed my talents in those fields and become successful... I'm talking about when I was younger I always enjoyed singing, but she never thought to give me singing lessons, she forced flute lessons on me. She never asked me what I was interested in

Of course I was too young to speak up for myself, I was only 7 or 8, somewhere around there so I didn't speak up back then.

 

I don't feel I have to be greatful for her just because she gave me life, because I never ASKED to be born, if I could choose perhaps I would have chosen not to be born at all, so it's not like it's something I wanted to begin with.

 

Plus yea, of course I like to brag, especially growing up with a mother who likes to constantly say all the time:

 

"it's so hard to live on your own... do you know how much rent is? and electricity and the phone bill? do you know that you have to earn blah blah to make it? How do you think you can earn this? It's so hard even for me"

 

When you grow up with a mom telling you this all the time, of course I have to compensate when I'm grown by bragging, because if I don't people (she) will think I am to stupid to support myself! lol She made it seem like it's so hard and like I'm too stupid to support myself.

 

And it DOES affect my life today because my mother ACTIVELY looks for me. It wouldnt surprise me if she had hired a private detective to find me. A few times she found where I was living and knocked on my door and tried to talk to me. And the thing is that I don't want anything to do with her, and she looks for me because she can't understand why her daughter won't talk to her. And when I tried to explain she doesnt get it through her brain ... She doesnt think that that the reason why I dislike her is because of those things, she just doesnt understand.

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tinktronik

You've got some problems , leave your poor mother alone and seek counseling for yourself.

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jen_jen_heartbroken

I'm not saying that your mother didn't treat you the way you wanted to be treated, but that doesn't make her abusive or neglectful.

 

Many of us, including myself, have had mothers that were indeed neglectful and abusive in ways that were physically dangerous to our well-being. We have a genuine right to be angry, and probably will never have a normal relationship with our mothers. This doesn't have to be the case for you.

 

If you really want a normal, healthy relationship with your mom, then you need to give her the opportunity to hear you in a non-confrontational way so that she can offer you an apology if it is indeed warranted. Tell her about what you were feeling when you were growing up and how it still bothers you, but don't do it in a finger-pointing sort of way or you will only put her on the defensive. There are many self-help books out there on the mother/daughter relationship -- get one, it might help you. Most of all, remember that everyone, including your mom, is human, capable of making mistakes, but also capable of change. And you may not fully understand what was going on in her own life, including her own childhood, to understand her techniques for mothering. Be patient and forgiving.

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Many of us, including myself, have had mothers that were indeed neglectful and abusive in ways that were physically dangerous to our well-being. We have a genuine right to be angry, and probably will never have a normal relationship with our mothers. This doesn't have to be the case for you.

 

 

Alot of people have it hard in different ways...this is not a contest for who is the hardest gangsta hard life medal award...so you had been abused but the poster here was locked in her home for her entire life with no encouragement to be confident.

 

I dont think that her mother is so wonderful and poor...I believe she sounds selfish...she wants things to suit her...and her daughter is rebelling even to this day...mabey she missed out.

 

I can understand but I live with my mom now...and I love her anyways but dont always like her...and we have had it out alot...she will do anything to control me...lie...snoop...call people...humiliate me...put me down...manipulate/guilt trip...and it is not right...sometimes when she is depressed she tells me it is because I did this or that...and I dont buy it anymore...where when I was a impressionable teanager I did...and mentally beat myself down for her.

 

I dont make 6 figures so I do think it is impressive...you sound like a really cool girl...you should be proud of yourself.

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If you could understand or care about the fact that your mom has a history, things you may not even have ever been aware of, things that have shaped her and made her react to life in the way she does. She probably did the best she could, the best she knew how, and you just need to forgive her for falling short in any way.

 

Is this really who you are? Is this who you want to be? You're so young and you're full of anger and bitterness...you're blaming your mom for so many things, you're even blaming her for the fact that you're not in college, you say you have potential you haven't reached, but listen, you're a grown person. My mother didn't put me through college but when I was well into my twenties I decided I would go. It was my decision and my money and I worked to get an education. You can too...there's no reason whatsoever...This is not good, I wish you could see that it's not good to blame others for all your problems, but I have a feeling if you don't stop soon, you never will. This will be a problem for the rest of your life.

 

I wish you'd think about that. The best step you could take is what others have suggested. You should reconcile with your mom. That would bring alot of healing into your life.

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If you could understand or care about the fact that your mom has a history, things you may not even have ever been aware of, things that have shaped her and made her react to life in the way she does. She probably did the best she could, the best she knew how, and you just need to forgive her for falling short in any way.

 

Is this really who you are? Is this who you want to be? You're so young and you're full of anger and bitterness...you're blaming your mom for so many things, you're even blaming her for the fact that you're not in college, you say you have potential you haven't reached, but listen, you're a grown person. My mother didn't put me through college but when I was well into my twenties I decided I would go. It was my decision and my money and I worked to get an education. You can too...there's no reason whatsoever...This is not good, I wish you could see that it's not good to blame others for all your problems, but I have a feeling if you don't stop soon, you never will. This will be a problem for the rest of your life.

 

I wish you'd think about that. The best step you could take is what others have suggested. You should reconcile with your mom. That would bring alot of healing into your life.

 

I didn't /don't expect my mother to put me in college, I am just saying the environment I grew up was not conducive to me going to college because she was very unsupportive of me. I don't really have a "need" to go to college anymore because I am already doing fine and even though I didn't attend college I already feel I am knowledgeable about many different things, the point is that my life could have turned out a bit "better" or "different" if she wasn't so overbearing. Going to college now would not be helpful to me because I have my own business and going to school would be interfering with that.

 

And this is how I really am, I have A LOT of bitterness and anger inside, I know that. I can't help it, I cannot even have a normal conversation with her.

 

The thing is that she didn't think I could make it on my own so why does she deserve reconciliation? She didn't think I could make it on my own and I did, so now I feel like being spiteful and showing her that I did make it without her help and don't need her for anything. I feel like that's what she deserves for putting me down and thinking I am stupid.

 

One time I also remember her slapping me in the face because I broke a jade bracelet that my deceased grandfather gave her. It meant a lot to her, I understand that, but I dropped it on accident, and she hit me in a way that gave me a bloody nose... She didn't know I had one though cause I never told/showed her... I think I'm resentful about this too plus the other things... This happened when I was around 8 or 9 I think, I don't remember the exact age but somewhere around there...

 

It's true my mom could have history that made her the way she is, I don't know it in detail but she did divorce from my dad and they used to argue a lot, he was verbally abusive, I don't know if he hit her, I never saw anything... But I still feel like she fell short a lot as a mom like you said...

 

On some days I'm not so mad and think nothing of it, but sometimes I also get very bitter about it as well.

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