I have cut off all contact with my family

[suckered]

I'm in early 30s and have (had) close knit family. My 2 sisters, me and parents talked every day.

 

Something seemed off lately and I felt like they were hiding something from me. I actually asked them all directly and they told me I'm imaging it.

 

Few weeks later, my sister made an announcement that she is 3 months pregnant with her and husband's first child. The problem was that they all knew since she found out and were all hiding it from me for 2 months (both parents and the other sister). They only told me when they were ready to announce it to everyone. I feel really hurt and excluded.

 

Their justification was that they didn't want to jinx it. (Huh?). After some arguments I basically said that if they want to treat me like a stranger, I will be a stranger. And told them that I don't want to speak to any of them again.

 

It's now been 2 weeks, the longest I have not had contact in my life. I'm actually thinking of fiding a job and moving another state for a fresh start. I just feel so betrayed and heartbroken. Any words of advice?

[BaileyB]

It’s not uncommon for people to want to wait to share the joyful news, because 1/5 pregnancies end in miscarriage. The decision to share is a personal decision.

 

My brother has had three children. When he chose to tell me they were pregnant, it was entirely his decision. He certainly told other people before he told me. They did not share the sex or the names of the children with anyone until after the birth of each child.

 

Honestly OP, I understand why you are hurt but I feel like you are overreacting here and I would urge you to reconsider. I will tell you quite honestly, being an auntie is the BEST thing ever! This is spoken by a woman who spent the day making memories with her eight year old nephew today. Is this really worth depriving yourself of a lifetime of memories that you will have of neices and nephews? Is it really worth the fact that the child will not know the love of their auntie?

 

You only get one family, and they will be there to see you through the good and the bad in life. Trust me, you will need these people some day. And trust me, you will regret missing the joy that this child will bring to your family.

Edited July 6, 2019 by BaileyB

[basil67]

Hi Suckered, I really do understand your disappointment at not being included in the early news. However, cutting off your family and moving interstate over this seems a tad overly dramatic. It feels to me like you're cutting off your nose to spite your face.

 

Try and let it go.

[stillafool]

Absolutely I understand what they did. My brother and his wife told my parents and theirs about the pregnancy but no one else until they were about 2 months pregnant. It's their baby so they can do what they like. I think it's pretty childish to move out of town because they wanted to do what was best for their pregnancy. Hope you don't miss them too much.

[The Outlaw]

Don't do that. I'd feel the same way and sure, it can hurt, but sometimes people have reasons for keeping us out of the loop. Packing up and leaving them is a bit much.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I think you need to be the bigger person here (perhaps more mature than you usually are, dare I say?) and ask them more specifically why YOU were the only one excluded....that is, if you really want to know.

 

Are you prone to jealousy?

 

Can't keep a secret?

 

Would for some reason be upset by this news?

 

There has to be a reason, and for you to just cut your family off after this, and in essance rejecting a HUGE future blessing in your life, is just silly.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Upon further investigation, you said this in a previous thread, about your ex who has moved on. I suspect your family knew how you'd react to this information (not well) and were sparing you for as long as possible. Talk to your family. They did nothing wrong.

 

 

I would like to contact him and write him an email to make him feel some guilt and put a dent in his perfect life. He ruined mine. I am 40 and will never have children or a family.

 

Bad idea? I don't care if I come across as crazy. I want him to feel some negative emotion. He has now ridden into the sunset.........and I am stuck, without a chance of a family in this lifetime.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Also, are you early 30s or are you 40?

[BaileyB]

Upon further investigation, you said this in a previous thread, about your ex who has moved on. I suspect your family knew how you'd react to this information (not well) and were sparing you for as long as possible. Talk to your family. They did nothing wrong.

 

All the more reason why you need to take a deep breath and reconsider. I don’t have children, but my brother has three. I love them like they are my own. It was a sad acceptance that I would never have my own children... the thing that helped the most, was deciding that although I would not be a mother to my own children, I could be the best auntie these children could ever hope to have...

 

Personally, I would start with an apology for overreacting. I would tell them that it hurt, that they did not share the joyous news. And then, I would join the excitement and start shopping for baby toys, and books, and clothes...

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I agree, Bailey! Aunts are the BEST!

[alphamale]

Any words of advice?

 

yes, quit yer belly aching and thank god you have a decent family

[BaileyB]

yes, thank god you have a decent family

 

Well said.

 

You have something that many would envy OP. Don’t throw it away...

Edited July 7, 2019 by BaileyB

[d0nnivain]

You are over reacting. Your sister told her mom. Other than that it's rare for people to share this news before the 3 month mark. It would have been nice if you had been told a bit earlier then others but you weren't. You can be hurt but don't cut your nose off despite your face.

[Mr. Lucky]

After some arguments I basically said that if they want to treat me like a stranger, I will be a stranger. And told them that I don't want to speak to any of them again.

 

It's now been 2 weeks, the longest I have not had contact in my life. I'm actually thinking of fiding a job and moving another state for a fresh start. I just feel so betrayed and heartbroken. Any words of advice?

 

Maybe they didn't tell you because they knew you'd bring this level of selfishness and drama to the situation. This should be all about the parents-to-be, you seem determined to make it about you.

 

Were it me, I'd start with an apology and small baby gift...

 

Mr. Lucky

[doyathinkso]

Hey, it's your feelings, right? I get it.

 

 

They made you feel untrustworthy.

 

 

They hurt you.

 

 

Just because they're family doesn't mean they can't be dicks.

 

 

I've had dicks in my immediate family.

 

 

BUT, when they started to try to mess with my kids, well .... I drew the line.

 

 

Told them to eff off. Never spoke to them again. Cold Turkey!

 

 

How did that make me feel? How did it affect my kids, my wife, me?

 

 

A whole hell of a lot better, that's how.

 

 

That is when life started to make more sense and feel right again.

[MINAKO]

I think it's pretty childish to move out of town because they wanted to do what was best for their pregnancy.

 

I agree. If this is really the main reason why you want to cut them off, OP, then I find it immature. However, if this was 'just the cherry on top of all the reasons' kind of situation, then I can understand your decision.

 

I have some rather cruel extended family members, and an abusive step-father, and would be more than happy to never see any of them again. Sometimes all we can do is try to get away, since they will never change.