Jump to content

My father does not want to sponsor my university. Help!


Recommended Posts

I heard that my father does not want to sponsor my university, yet this is very important for me. To keep a long story short, after I grew up in my family, something occurred that caused my father to divorce my mother and disown/throw away me and my brothers. He quickly found a new wife and had three more children with her.

 

My mom went to court and won a case that dad give one of his businesses to us. So he could not just throw us away with nothing. Part of the court deal was also that dad was to sponsor me while mom sponsor my brothers. So my personal problems caused me to fail high school. So my dad sent me to college in another country.

 

I finished and after 6 years, I made a mistake of leaving the country I went to college to. So I was sent to university first in my mother’s country, but my personal problems remained and caused me to not finish and leave after one year. I was sent to another university in another country and again I didn’t finish. I was sent back home.

 

Later I was sent to stay in my mom’s country. Now the problem that was plaguing me in my earlier life is gone and I want to go back to university to complete my degree so I can go wherever I want. But my ageing father thinks that I am still in the same state I was 6 years ago. Old age is making him go insane and he was saying stupid things. My mom is unable to sponsor me at the moment and I don’t know where I can get money for university. I am depressed as I am desperate, One of my brothers has finished University, and is earning quite well, and my mom and other brother are planning to start a business, but it is going to take quite some time.

 

I am considering going to the village which is his ancestral home where he grew up and stay there until dad does something. I will also spread the word on how he is mistreating me in order to tarnish his reputation (he is a big and successful man in his country) I am also considering starving or hanging. what should I do?

 

Before giving advice, consider that I am unwilling to work, either in my mom’s or my dad’s country. If he remains unmoved, Where could I get money from for university?

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs, edit title for clarity, move to Family forum
Link to post
Share on other sites

Seek advice from a lawyer to have that person see what enforcement rights -- if any -- you have based on the judge's order from the divorce.

 

However, you said that you went to college for 6 years & your dad paid for that. It sounds like you are almost 30. When will you take responsibility for yourself?

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

in the UK you can get a loan from the government called "tuition fees" Am just wondering how poor folk do this in other countries, so ask around until you know all the countries and how their poor manage - just do not choose in a hurry, for it is a huge decision

 

 

or take an on-line degree - again - choose carefully

Link to post
Share on other sites
amaysngrace

Some employers will pay partial tuition while you’re employed by them. What is your aversion to working?

 

Maybe that’s why your father decided to end support. He sees in you a lack of ambition to help yourself?

 

Also, you can’t say your problems from six years ago have been resolved if you’re still thinking of going down the path of self-harm.

 

I’m sorry that you’ve hit a rough patch but it may be time for you to learn how to pull yourself up when you’ve been knocked down. That’s what life is...a series of ups and downs. Bad mouthing your father won’t do anything to change anybody’s mind about him but it may have them thinking some things about you, and none of them flattering.

 

Try to make your own way in this world. That alone will give you a bigger sense of well-being than dwelling in the negativity you’re engulfed in currently. You can’t change others, you can only change yourself and how you react to them.

 

I wish you well.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Your dad already paid for your first degree so it seems to me that he has met his obligation. I only paid for my kids’ bachelors degrees and they were on their own for any other education they chose after that. I think that’s generous. Thank your father.

 

My jaw dropped when you made this statement: “consider that I am unwilling to work.” That attitude is just stunning. “Unwilling” to work?! I had one child who thought that way for a little while, lived in her car as a result for a few months, and then started working and has since. As she said at the time, “it sucks being poor.” Indeed it does. Start working.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

First step, like DOnnivain said is talk to the lawyer and see if he has further obligation or not. Second step is to either work your way through the rest of college or take out a college loan.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm confused. You say you went to college for 6 years already, but you are still hankering after money to "go to university"? What's up with that?

 

 

The way I see it, you've had 3 chances to graduate, and you failed all of them. You don't really deserve a 4th chance on someone else's dime. Sorry to be harsh, but if a tertiary education had meant that much to you, you wouldn't have "not finished" so many times. It sounds to me like you didn't value your chances, and paying out of your own pocket may be precisely the motivation you need to take university seriously. Stop harassing your aging and mentally unwell father already, gosh.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
stillafool

There's this thing called "putting yourself through college". You might want to try that. If you father is aging he would be stupid to invest his money in your education AGAIN. You are younger so you can pay your own way at this point. How old are you?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

In a thread 4.5 years ago, you said you’re 32. So you’re in your mid-30s now. Who has been supporting you financially?

Link to post
Share on other sites

You are almost middle aged, still being supported by your parents and you are unwilling to work. You're plan is to blackmail money from your father by threatening his reputation but if that doesn't work you will perhaps starve or hang yourself. BUT, you would like people to believe that you are a mature adult now who is ready to work hard for success.

 

From reading your other threads you have a huge victim mentality and you lack the maturity to take responsibility for your actions. You blame everything on fate or your parents. Your father paid for 6yrs of college and sent you to university twice and you blew both of those opportunities even though you were already around 30yrs old, so it sounds to me like your father did his best in regards to your education but you were not willing.

 

I left home when I was 16 and then never received a penny from my parents ever again. I had to work so many crappy menial jobs just to keep a roof over my head. I also never got university educated due to poor decisions I made along the way. I had lousy parents but I do not blame them for any choices I made once I reached adulthood. My story is not unique. In North America It is not considered healthy or normal to be dependent on your parents when you are in your thirties. When we mess up as adults it is on us to do whatever it takes to fix our own mess or make the best of what we have.

 

You are obsessed with getting a girlfriend and even went so far as to create a map of the world with all the countries color coded according to how easy you believe it would be to get a girlfriend in those countries. I see you coloured all of North America as an easy location to get women. I can tell you that you would find it very difficult to get a girlfriend here with your attitude and your unwillingness to work or help yourself. An adult man who is dependent on his parents in his thirties and who refuses to work is very unattractive to North American women.

 

You are college educated so go get a job. Save up some money to put towards furthering your education. It will take a long time but you don't seem to be in any rush.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
An adult man who is dependent on his parents in his thirties and who refuses to work is very unattractive to North American women.

 

 

I actually can't think of any culture where such a man would be attractive. In fact, it would be a bigger mark against him in more traditional cultures where the man is expected to be the provider.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Let me clarify, the first college I went to for 6 years wasn't a degree course, it was a substitute for high school since I failed high school. I finished that then went to Universities I didn't complete.

For those who suggested work, I am too used to not being able to work an I will only work in a developed country. My mom's country is semi developed but the language barrier. The problem I had means I would prefer to die of starvation.

One of you suggested part time work during university. I would consider that but for my father not wanting to send me back there.

I didn't want to mention the countries I've been to but UK was one of them and I made the fatal mistake of leaving the UK, and missing all the opportunities that were there.

This story is very, very long and there is still so much I have not mentioned.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Why do you want to go to university anyway? Can’t you just keep mooching in your family?

Link to post
Share on other sites
amaysngrace

Perhaps you should earn a professional certificate instead. If it took you six years to get a HS diploma, which takes most people just four years to complete, then learning a trade may be the way to go.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Perhaps you should earn a professional certificate instead.

 

That too costs money we don't have yet.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Why do you want to go to university anyway?

 

So I can move to any developed country I want, and for prestige, I have high ambitions, my father has a PhD and now a professor. It may be too late for me to match and surpass his educational level.

Link to post
Share on other sites
So I can move to any developed country I want

 

 

Maybe you should have thought about that before failing three times.

 

 

Your attitude absolutely astounds me. I've been an international student and know plenty of others - and among those of us who have had benefactors, the overwhelming response is usually GRATITUDE and an insanely high work ethic. We know we cannot afford to fail and we will do whatever it takes to succeed.

 

 

It seems you did not want it badly enough, so instead of blaming your father, act like an adult for once and deal with the consequences of your actions.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
stillafool
So I can move to any developed country I want, and for prestige, I have high ambitions, my father has a PhD and now a professor. It may be too late for me to match and surpass his educational level.

 

High ambitions? You're way behind even though you've been given every opportunity to succeed. Now you want to blame your father. You can get a job now with the education you've already received and get to work. BTW, you don't need a college degree to succeed. Just get to work. Since you like maps maybe map at places you can get a job.

Link to post
Share on other sites

If you'd rather die of starvation than work in something like the vaguely-described situation you previously disliked, it sure seems as though you are engaging in self-immolation to threaten or coerce your parents- emotional blackmail. I lived that with my car-living-kid for a while- "I will destroy myself if you don't give me what I want."

 

I hope they're strong enough to let you starve yourself and, one hopes, have an epiphany about personal responsibility and self-fulfillment. It's not easy for a parent to hold back when a child is harming himself but I send them vibes to be strong.

 

Go work and join the rest of society. Learn the necessary languages and start at the bottom of whatever work you can get, then earn your way up. It actually feels pretty great and can bring great happiness.

Link to post
Share on other sites

This story is very, very long and there is still so much I have not mentioned.

 

How do you live now, who pays your day-to-day expenses?

 

Mr. Lucky

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
How do you live now, who pays your day-to-day expenses?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

We own real estate, but the profits we get are only just enough for upkeep.

 

I'm seeing too much advice on work but i'm waiting for other advice. My parents wouldn't just let me starve to death, unless they are cold blooded heartless mammals like those people from some developed, highly capitalist countries. In third world countries, people live as a community, caring for eachother, socializing and sharing.

Edited by sprotz
Link to post
Share on other sites

sprotz, the only other advice possibly forthcoming would be from someone who was skilled in being a moocher with advice in manipulating others to pay for you. But apparently everyone here is self sufficient, hard working and doesn't expect something for nothing.

 

You blew your young life with all your bad decisions. Time to make amends through hard work and dedication. And hard work means *any* work you can find.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
mrs rubble
We own real estate, but the profits we get are only just enough for upkeep.

 

I'm seeing too much advice on work but i'm waiting for other advice. My parents wouldn't just let me starve to death, unless they are cold blooded heartless mammals like those people from some developed, highly capitalist countries. In third world countries, people live as a community, caring for eachother, socializing and sharing.

The reason you're seeing so much advice on work is because that's how most people earn their living, regardless of where they live. Your father has done plenty for you already, most 30 something year olds have been living an independent life for many years.

In my country most university students get a student loan and pay off their debt once they get their degree and get a job.

You need to grow up and take responsibility for yourself.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
We own real estate, but the profits we get are only just enough for upkeep.

 

I'm seeing too much advice on work but i'm waiting for other advice. My parents wouldn't just let me starve to death, unless they are cold blooded heartless mammals like those people from some developed, highly capitalist countries. In third world countries, people live as a community, caring for eachother, socializing and sharing.

 

Do you contribute to that community?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...