LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Familial > Family

I'm 19, discovered my dad's cheating on my mom


Family Parents too demanding? Sibling driving you mad? Tell us!

Like Tree90Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 14th March 2019, 12:35 PM   #76
Established Member
 
pepperbird's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 755
op,
Your dad sounds like a first class jerk. What kid of an idiot does this? "sure, use my computer, find out I'm cheating on your mom...I don't care" I highly doubt he was unaware the message would pop up, so he had to have had an inkling something like this could happen.
Could be he was too chicken sh%t to tell you or your mom face to face, so he figured this would be easier.
pepperbird is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th March 2019, 12:59 PM   #77
New Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 8
Quote:
Originally Posted by pepperbird View Post
op,
Your dad sounds like a first class jerk. What kid of an idiot does this? "sure, use my computer, find out I'm cheating on your mom...I don't care" I highly doubt he was unaware the message would pop up, so he had to have had an inkling something like this could happen.
Could be he was too chicken sh%t to tell you or your mom face to face, so he figured this would be easier.
That was the only time he was logged in and the messages popped up. I've used it since then and can't access his account. I think it was a mistake. And based on their messages both are afraid of their spouses finding out. And after that I'm a bit more hostile to him and he seems a bit confused so I don't think he knows.

But what you said could be true as well.
kithin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th March 2019, 1:08 PM   #78
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 2,012
kithin, I'm so sorry for all you're dealing with. I was especially impressed with the maturity your last post (#73) seemed to exemplify. You are thinking this through in what seems to me to be a wise and logical manner and taking the time to do so thoroughly, although it's such an emotionally daunting situation!

I believe with the support of your counselor you're going to handle this in a mature and effective way. He or she should be able to give you valuable guidance and perspective as you share the different aspects of the situation with him/her.

Another advantage for you is that your counselor already has a sense of who you are as a person which will be very helpful in advising you about this issue.

Btw, have you written whether or not you're male or female? Am not sure it matters for our purposes here but I'm just interested as I read your posts.

I know, as a student, you're very busy but I hope you continue to find the time to post here and update us as to how you're doing and as to progress in working through this dilemma.
LivingWaterPlease is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th March 2019, 1:11 PM   #79
New Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 8
Quote:
Originally Posted by LivingWaterPlease View Post
kithin, I'm so sorry for all you're dealing with. I was especially impressed with the maturity your last post (#73) seemed to exemplify. You are thinking this through in what seems to me to be a wise and logical manner and taking the time to do so thoroughly, although it's such an emotionally daunting situation!

I believe with the support of your counselor you're going to handle this in a mature and effective way. He or she should be able to give you valuable guidance and perspective as you share the different aspects of the situation with him/her.

Another advantage for you is that your counselor already has a sense of who you are as a person which will be very helpful in advising you about this issue.

Btw, have you written whether or not you're male or female? Am not sure it matters for our purposes here but I'm just interested as I read your posts.

I know, as a student, you're very busy but I hope you continue to find the time to post here and update us as to how you're doing and as to progress in working through this dilemma.
I am a male.
kithin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th March 2019, 1:21 PM   #80
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 541
Your counselor will probably have your interest in mind and not your mother's, be aware of that with whatever advice they give.

She is living with a wolf in sheep's clothing.

You are a grown man and have the strength and smarts to do what is right and do so responsibly.

BTW if he flips out that is exactly what police and sheriffs are for and they handle it regularly.

Be careful, but be brave.
Sending prayers and kind wishes.
Orokotikki is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th March 2019, 1:24 PM   #81
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Northeast Coast
Posts: 516
I like your idea of working with your mother - encouraging her to be financially independent, including having her own bank account (if she does not already.) She is lucky to have you. As you grow closer to her, you might find out how much she already knows and/or suspects and that her goal was to shield you and your sister from anything unpleasant.

Hopefully, speaking to your counselor will help you work through this. Please let us know how you are doing. Remember to take care of you, and I hope you have a person close to you (besides your counselor) that you can confide in.
vla1120 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th March 2019, 3:00 PM   #82
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 2,012
Quote:
Originally Posted by kithin View Post
I am a male.
Thanks....
LivingWaterPlease is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th March 2019, 3:57 PM   #83
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: United States
Posts: 334
Quote:
Originally Posted by kithin View Post
Re: (violent or dangerous reactions)
These are the kinds of things I am afraid of.
You know each of your parents best. This is why a counselor for you is the smartest path. Your family history will be important to consider.

If your aunts/uncles don't like your family that is probably due to the same things you find troublesome about your dad. The extent to which your mom participates or tolerates behavior that distances your extended family is for you to consider.

For your peace of mind: suicide is more common with people who are already predisposed, with long standing personality issues and psychological stress. The greater the risk the more likely you'd already be aware of the danger. You'd already have been living in a very dysfunctional circumstance.

Violence has a polar nature. It cannot be maintained openly in public without immediate intervention. So, people with poor impulse control are obvious to us. Those with a high capacity for covert control are the ones who catch us completely off guard because we will not have associated them with that kind of potential.

A counselor will help you make sense of the personalities in your family.
Turning point is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th March 2019, 4:37 PM   #84
Established Member
 
CautiouslyOptimistic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Tri-State Area USA
Posts: 5,775
Quote:
Originally Posted by pepperbird View Post
This could be a sad situation no matter how old the child in question is.
My twin sister and I were 28 when we found out (for sure) that my dad had a mistress. My sister had just gotten married and it REALLY affected her (way more than it did me) because it made her kinda question the whole instituation of marriage, trust issues, etc. I had suspicions but she was completely blindsided and it felt to her like being hit by a train.
CautiouslyOptimistic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th March 2019, 8:47 AM   #85
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Just beachy
Posts: 1,242
I was a BS. I found out when my daughter, then 15, read text messages on her dad's phone. She came directly to me, shaken and convinced he would gaslight her. I believed her immediately and we moved out a few weeks later. To this day, I am angry with him for putting her in a position where she found out about his affair. No child should have to deal with that.

I never once doubted my daughter, nor asked for proof. My first concern - even though I was shocked - was to protect her.

As someone else said, trust your mother.
introverted1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
I think my dad is cheating on my mom guest Family 34 1st September 2005 2:03 PM
Fiancee's dad is cheating on his mom.... and I'm the only one who knows.... guest Family 6 22nd May 2005 11:31 AM
I think My Dad is Cheating on My Mom... What do you think? ABUSCH2005 Infidelity 1 17th May 2004 11:32 PM
I think my Dad is Cheating On My Mom? What do You Think? ABUSCH2005 Infidelity 3 17th May 2004 5:32 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 9:27 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.