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My cousin can never stick to a plan to get together


Family Parents too demanding? Sibling driving you mad? Tell us!

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Old 22nd February 2019, 7:46 PM   #46
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Look, I don't know why, but you are SO overly invested here. You should just drop it and stop trying to force a relationship with her. She isn't at all invested. Yes, maybe she intends to make a trip to see family sometime, but she's not invested and YOU are overly invested and think she should care about your feelings and all that and think the family should care and it's just one of those things. She has her own life and it's rarely ever going to cross into yours. Knowing how intense you are may well have scared her off. It would me. She may be thinking, Geez, I don't dare go visit or she'll never give me any space.
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Old 22nd February 2019, 7:46 PM   #47
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Don't respond to her messages anymore then she will get the idea you think she's a flake.


Maybe I will do that. But the thing is we are supposed to be working together now for the reunion. But I just told her to contact the other cousin about it since she’s the one in charge.

I swear she wanted my opinion on the decorations but I was so fed up that I just told her our other cousin will assist her.

Wouldn’t be surprised if she drops the ball this too.
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Old 22nd February 2019, 7:48 PM   #48
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Look, I don't know why, but you are SO overly invested here. You should just drop it and stop trying to force a relationship with her.<snip>
Then she can never complain to me again and give me a sob story. She’s the one that did that many times. It’s all on her.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 24th February 2019 at 5:08 PM.. Reason: Truncate quote
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Old 22nd February 2019, 8:01 PM   #49
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Well, yes, there are people who will do that and not reciprocate. So just step down the communication.
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Old 22nd February 2019, 8:28 PM   #50
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You're obviously very young, and I dont think anyone here can understand why you are so obsessed about this. If she wanted to meet you, she would. People do what they want to do, they make the time for things important to them. Its not important to her, nor does she want to meet up with you. And you need to scale it way back, and stop getting so neurotic about things you can't control. You can't control other people. You can't make them want what you want them to want. She has her reasons, whatever they are. At any rate, whatever her reasons, its up to her.
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Old 22nd February 2019, 8:40 PM   #51
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Okay so are you saying when she planned on coming, she didn’t mean it? Even after she wrote to confirm?

And she apologized, 2 pages. She says after March she will try.

Are you saying she’s lying?

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 24th February 2019 at 5:08 PM.. Reason: Redact quote of prior post
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Old 23rd February 2019, 12:21 AM   #52
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But she was the one that said she wanted to come visit.
And I once told someone I really don't like to "have a nice day". It's just civility.

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Are you saying she’s lying?
She doesn't want to hurt your feelings or lose you as an online friend. But when the moment of truth comes, she doesn't make the effort. She's as avoidant as you are fixated.

Why not just accept having her as a social media connection, sort of a penpal?

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Old 23rd February 2019, 3:17 AM   #53
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So if next month she says she would like to plan to get down, what do I say? Just say yea right?

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 24th February 2019 at 5:09 PM.. Reason: Redact quote of prior post
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Old 23rd February 2019, 4:51 AM   #54
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Don't respond to her messages anymore then she will get the idea you think she's a flake.

But I asked someone else and they said if I don’t respond, then that is so petty. So I don’t know. Do I wanna be petty?
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Old 23rd February 2019, 8:34 AM   #55
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But if it best to tell her I’m hurt before giving up?
Your father said not to.

I would absolutely tell her but I am not a member of your family. I don't understand the dynamic. You can't let this thing with her color your relationship with your father.
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Old 23rd February 2019, 12:16 PM   #56
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If I tell her I’m hurt, isn’t that just giving her power?

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Old 23rd February 2019, 12:23 PM   #57
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This isn't a power trip.

To me it's a boundary issue. You have to stop chasing. You also have to accept that she is not a person who keeps her word. To enforce my boundaries I would let her know that you no longer trust her & her behavior annoyed you. However your FATHER said not to do that. He's got boots on the ground & knows the players, including you. I'm just some stranger on the internet. You have to make the choice that is the best for you & your family.
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Old 23rd February 2019, 1:24 PM   #58
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Because you're young, you still think everyone has to play by the same rules you play by, but that's not true. There is no one right way to be.

Just drop it. Then if she happens to resurface, you'll be pleasantly surprised -- but it won't mean anything other than she's taking care of an obligation, and that's assuming she volunteered to do that and didn't get cornered into it.
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Old 23rd February 2019, 3:16 PM   #59
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To me it's a boundary issue. You have to stop chasing. <snip>
Okay but isn’t letting her know the same as chasing?

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 24th February 2019 at 5:10 PM.. Reason: Truncate quote
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Old 23rd February 2019, 6:17 PM   #60
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^ Yes, it is. And it's whiny.
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