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Sister Never Liked Me


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Old 31st January 2019, 10:43 AM   #1
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Sister Never Liked Me

Hello,


I have two older sisters that are one year apart. Six years later I came along. Well, the middle sister never did like me. In the past, my mother would tell me that middle sister was always the youngest and cutest and then a baby came along and she lost all of the attention. She was always mean and picking on me as we were growing up.


Here is the kicker - We are all in our 50s and she still cannot stand me. I feel if I fell off the face of the earth, she would be happy. She has nothing to be jealous of. I never married and had no children. I live alone in a little house. When I was in my 30s I got my college degree, it was a personal goal of mine. I did not expect any recognition. She said to me "college degrees ain't that important." That is one of several unnecessary comments over the past 50 years. When there are family gatherings, she will plan things afterwards or have everyone over to her house and not invite me. (That's okay because I would not be comfortable there anyway.) She comes to the town I live in and does not contact me.


Now our dad is in his 80s and his health is failing. Mom passed away several years ago. I live in the same town as Dad. Oldest sister lives two hours away and middle sister lives four hours away. When Dad is having issues or needs medical care, I let them know either through group email or group text. Neither sister seems to believe me. I can tell them what the doctor said and it is as if I am not even there. Example: Dad and I were at Urgent Care and that doctor wanted Dad to see his primary care provider. My sisters are questioning me on that. Is it really necessary?


What can I do so this does not get me depressed? Why do I even try? Should I stop communicating?

Last edited by primer; 31st January 2019 at 10:54 AM..
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Old 31st January 2019, 11:11 AM   #2
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I'm 53 and haven't talked to my sister in over 25 years. It hasn't affected my life in any way.

As far as your father's medical care, perhaps he should give you medical power of attorney, in case he can't make decisions for himself. Also a "living will" or "advanced medical directive" may be in order so he can dictate his wishes for "end of life" care.

I'm going through this with my father. In addition to Medical Power of Attorney, my dad gave me financial power of attorney. He realized (after his last hospital visit) taking care of bills, bank statements, etc. has become too much for him and wants his accountant-son to handle the whole mess.

As far as giving updates to your sisters, an e-mail is appropriate. Tell the middle sister you do not wish to speak to her any longer and communication will only be acknowledged via e-mail. You do not need to take abuse or put downs from your sister. If she can't be civil in the e-mail(s), ask the oldest sister to forward them to the middle sister.

No need to be depressed about your "difficult" sister, just cut her out of your life. Anyone who treats me poorly or puts me down is immediately excised out of my life, no special treatment because they are family.
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Old 31st January 2019, 12:47 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by primer View Post
Should I stop communicating?
No. But you should stop lettings them define your feelings.

Your Dad is lucky to have you close by and involved, and you're a good person - and daughter - for being part of his care.

If something major happens, send a simple email to your sisters updating them on the issues - and then stop the back and forth. If they have questions, suggest they call the doctor directly. And then stop responding.

Any difficult person in our lives only has the power we allow them. Stop enabling them to make you feel badly...

Mr. Lucky
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Old 31st January 2019, 1:05 PM   #4
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Growing up you may have been made to feel like they are your superiors due to birth order alone. You may have to lose that mindset now if youíre still applying it in your adult relationships with them.

You donít deserve to be bullied just because you were born last. Find your voice and use it.
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Old 31st January 2019, 1:20 PM   #5
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Stop communicating and let them look after your father. You don't owe anyone anything.
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Old 3rd February 2019, 4:40 PM   #6
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Oh love, I can completely relate... I too have a sister that makes a relationship with her almost impossible. It took me years to learn, that she was unsafe and that I needed to setup healthy boundaries when it came to dealing with her. I believe that you can never go wrong when you try your best and always do the right thing. I think you should continue to keep them informed of your dad's health and it's up to them on what they do with it. Their lack of "friendship" or love towards you doesn't define who you are or what you are worth. Sometimes family wounds cut the deepest and leave lasting scars, but it gives you a chance to rise above your circumstances and make your own happiness. When you doubt yourself or give into depression you give them power over you. Hang in there- do the right thing and never doubt just how wonderful and special you are! It is their loss that they can't see it!
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Old 4th February 2019, 5:50 AM   #7
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kuddos for looking after your father. as the other poaster said. get power of attorney. because, trust me, i've been thru this. they will let you care for him until something happens and then they will come after you, as a crappy care giver, blame you and then try to swipe all the money.

as for your sisters, my older sister once told. "my life was beautiful until you came along and ruined it and if you were laying in the street i'd step over you and keep going".

your sister is pretty stupid, not to mention jealous if she thinks a college degree isn't important.

tie everything up in your favor, continue to enjoy your father for as long as you have him and only communicate via text or email. which has the advantage of not being able to hear "tone" in their voices. that takes some of the sting out.

you are a good person. you are dong the right thing.

good luck
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Old 4th February 2019, 6:01 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Happy Lemming View Post
I'm 53 and haven't talked to my sister in over 25 years. It hasn't affected my life in any way.

As far as your father's medical care, perhaps he should give you medical power of attorney, in case he can't make decisions for himself. Also a "living will" or "advanced medical directive" may be in order so he can dictate his wishes for "end of life" care.

No need to be depressed about your "difficult" sister, just cut her out of your life. Anyone who treats me poorly or puts me down is immediately excised out of my life, no special treatment because they are family.
amen. i haven't talked to two of my sisters since our mother went into hospice. my oldest sister took moms jewlery off her when she died and im told she wore it to the funeral. which i did not attend. she took all moms art off the walls while i was at work. she also took the dining room table, and all the china. when i got home i thought we were robbed.

when i went to the moms bedside, i noticed the table and chairs outside, uncovered, in the grass. she told everyone she "lent" it to mom and wanted it back because she was afraid i would destroy it. lol

she did write me after, trying to apologize. i replied to her email, "if you take out a 1/2 page newspaper add where moms sisters live and admit you lied about me i'll consider not cutting you, otherwise, the next time i see your name in print i hope its for your obituary."

just had to share that, not trying to jack the op thread but when you mentioned you haven't talked to family in 25 years i thought wow. someone who knows what can happen where our parents get old.
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