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Aunt launched abuse at me.


ShaunaN

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In my other thread I explained about my boyfriend being in hospital for a little while. My parents, grand parents and my cousin (Who I live with) have all been very understanding. They have helped and supported me when I felt low.

 

Every year we have a family catch up and its like a reunion but generally only family members from Ireland and the UK attend. My grandfather rings me yesterday and tells me about this years plan, we've got family from all over the world looking to attend. So it is a big party.

 

Its not for a few months (Generally early summer). I tell my grand father me and my boyfriend would love to come. My grand father says he understands about my boyfriends situation and when I know more (Understand what he has more) to tell him if we want to fly to Knock or Dublin (Depends on my boyfriend because I don't want him having seizures on the drive over from Dublin) and he will book us a flight as he feels we've been through so much together recently he wants us to have something to look forward to. Really nice and unexpected gesture. I thanked him and said I'd let him know after I've spoken with the hospital.

 

About 30 minutes later I get a call from my aunt. I answer and she just starts shouting at me for being an "ungrateful little b***h" and the only reason I am invited is because I am related to my mother. She wants me to ring my grand father and tell him I don't want him to pay for flights and since I'm "with an english man and worst still fell in love with him" I am the lowest of the low and I'm only a family member by name only and if I "marry that english man" I'll "lose the name and not be apart of the family". She said I could redeem myself by telling my grand father not to pay for the flights (I never asked him to it was all his idea) but to pay for her kids to fly over for this reunion. Who apparently earn more money than me she told me.

 

We have a family whatsapp group and she carried the abuse on in there. Apparently I've sided with the enemy. If my boyfriend was having a seizure whilst driving I should toss him to the side of the road and leave him because he will just hold me back. I should just forget about him now because he will soon become a vegetable and I'll "be stuck with an english vegetable forever". Other family members told her to be quiet and my boyfriend/me are a cute couple and she should apologise my aunt refused to.

 

I now really don't want to go to the reunion. My parents brought me up that everyone is equal. None of this "Hate the English" rubbish. I'm upset at whats been said and I'm worried it'll upset my boyfriend if I tell him whats happened and I can't have him being upset at this time. I also don't want to upset my grand dad or parents by not going, but I would feel awkward going now.

 

What should I do?

 

Help me please.

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Wow. She sounds totally unhinged.

 

I don't think it would do any good to argue or debate with someone that mentally off. Just ignore her. Don't engage in the online conversation about the topic. Your relationship with your grandfather has nothing to do with her. If she calls you, tell her you're not going to have this conversation and hang up.

 

I think the best thing to do would be to pretend she doesn't exist. You're not going to win with someone like her.

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Your aunt is nuts. I’d ignore her completely. Your grandfather obviously wants you both there so that should be all that matters.

 

You seem polite but if she tried to give me any crap at the party I’d tell her to go fck herself.

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Your aunt is nuts. I’d ignore her completely. Your grandfather obviously wants you both there so that should be all that matters.

 

You seem polite but if she tried to give me any crap at the party I’d tell her to go fck herself.

 

He does, He spoke to me this evening. Said He and my gran want me there. I said we'd pay for our own flights. He refused and said he wants to because we need to concentrate on getting back on our feet.

 

I don't talk to this aunt out of choice, but shes going on in the Whatsapp group at how my boyfriend wants an Irish passport because of the situation in the UK. We've never spoke about that or anything. The closest thing we got to discussing brexit was he stuck up for me when someone said to deport of the foreigners and "those Europeans".

 

Why can't my aunt see I'm happy!

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She does probably see that you’re happy and that’s what’s bothering her the most.

 

Some people are just miserable individuals and some of them sometimes are in our families. The fact that she’s using her time to discuss you should tell you all you need to know about her really.

 

You’re obviously more interesting than she is.

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She does probably see that you’re happy and that’s what’s bothering her the most.

 

Some people are just miserable individuals and some of them sometimes are in our families. The fact that she’s using her time to discuss you should tell you all you need to know about her really.

 

You’re obviously more interesting than she is.

 

I don't know why I am. I'm just me, I work and spend time with my boyfriend.

 

I wish she'd change the record. Apparently today I'm pregnant.

 

She really is unhinged.

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And they say America has prejudice problems. Wow. Well, obviously, you should please and cater to and accept invitations from the ones in the family who support and love you and NOT your hateful aunt. It seems to me whichever of your parents is her sibling should be stomping on her real hard right now and not leave that up to you, so what is the situation with that? Is your parent also not supporting this relationship, so this aunt knew she'd get away with that?

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You say that some other family members are defending you in the whatApp group so it seems they see her as crazy too. In which case you should just ignore her rantings and let her show her crazy ass as much as she wants too. She's just making herself look bad and digging her own hole. Let her do it. If you get into a word slinging match then you could end up looking bad too, so just take the high road and ignore her.

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healing light

There's no way I would turn down your grandfather's kind gesture because of the crazy rantings from your aunt, especially if you need it. He is probably happy to be of help. I would go there, be cordial, and if she gives you any crap, tell her you won't tolerate being treated with such disrespect and avoid her. She sounds jealous, miserable, and hateful. Don't let her temper tantrums prevent everyone else from enjoying your presence.

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And they say America has prejudice problems. Wow. Well, obviously, you should please and cater to and accept invitations from the ones in the family who support and love you and NOT your hateful aunt. It seems to me whichever of your parents is her sibling should be stomping on her real hard right now and not leave that up to you, so what is the situation with that? Is your parent also not supporting this relationship, so this aunt knew she'd get away with that?

 

My parents love my boyfriend, we go out and see them every few months and they love him. My mum is having a go at my aunt for this but apparently its falling on deaf ears.

 

You say that some other family members are defending you in the whatApp group so it seems they see her as crazy too. In which case you should just ignore her rantings and let her show her crazy ass as much as she wants too. She's just making herself look bad and digging her own hole. Let her do it. If you get into a word slinging match then you could end up looking bad too, so just take the high road and ignore her.

 

When I was brought up my aunt tried to teach me that the only good Brit was a dead Brit, Never explained why this was so.

 

I put on the whatsapp group this morning that the diagnosis of my boyfriend and she said "Its time to walk and leave him to die in peace"

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She sounds wretched. Who says things like that? Especially when he’s been through so much, the both of you really. That’s not love.

 

She may be saying things like these just to get a rise out of you. Your best defense may be just to take pity on her and to keep counting your blessings.

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She sounds wretched. Who says things like that? Especially when he’s been through so much, the both of you really. That’s not love.

 

She may be saying things like these just to get a rise out of you. Your best defense may be just to take pity on her and to keep counting your blessings.

 

We have and we have a lot more to go through together. I don't need my aunt doing this.

 

I'm trying to keep it all going on my own. I've only got my cousin in the UK. She helps where she can but I don't need my aunt doing what shes doing.

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Try not to let her bother you. I think the more you show that she’s getting to you the more she’ll keep doing it.

 

Would you be comfortable confronting her directly?

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Try not to let her bother you. I think the more you show that she’s getting to you the more she’ll keep doing it.

 

Would you be comfortable confronting her directly?

 

I'm not going at her. I'm ignoring her. I just see what she writes.

 

At the minute no. My boyfriends been diagnosed and I don't want more negativity.

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Oh I hope it’s not too bad and has a good chance at being controlled if not cured

 

xo

 

Can you leave the chat group where she keeps bashing you?

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Oh I hope it’s not too bad and has a good chance at being controlled if not cured

 

xo

 

Can you leave the chat group where she keeps bashing you?

 

I did, I got added back in by another family member :S

 

He has CNS lymphoma I think they called it. His world has come crashing down in a matter of minutes. He is worried he will lose his job, he is worried he will lose everything.

 

He actually said to me after I told him about what my aunt had said. That if I want to walk away. He wouldn't be mad. He wouldn't hold grudges or anything.

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I’m so sorry to hear.

 

If your aunt continues to be so rude towards you and him it may do you some good to speak up for yourself. I realize it may be difficult because she’s your aunt but all respect went out the window when she disrespected you and continues to do.

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I’m so sorry to hear.

 

If your aunt continues to be so rude towards you and him it may do you some good to speak up for yourself. I realize it may be difficult because she’s your aunt but all respect went out the window when she disrespected you and continues to do.

 

Thank you.

 

My world came crashing down today. My aunt keeps goading for a reaction, The family are telling her to shut up. She just won't!

 

EDIT I've replied asking her to be quiet and let me deal with this in peace. Her reply "I hope dealing with it is leaving him. He isn't good enough for you."

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I’d reply to that by saying, “No. Youre not good enough for him.”

 

My other aunt said in the group chat that, She also said that its clear I'm not coping well on my own, and she is ringing my mum to book a flight over to help me.

 

The other aunt said "Are you blind to the fact her boyfriend is BRITISH!?! He is scum!"

 

Me and my boyfriend should be watching the rugby and having Ireland V England laughs. Having drinks without a care in the world.

 

Now I worry that my boyfriend could die at any time and I've got my stupid aunt carrying an anti-British sentiment.

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I’m glad your other aunt is coming to your aid. I wouldn’t worry about the mean one too much if you can help it. You have enough on your plate as it is.

 

Just concentrate on the family members who do support you. Your aunt should be the very last one you’re thinking of right now and wasting your time and energy on.

 

I hope your BF feels better soon. Figuring out what it is is half the battle. At least they know how to go about fixing it now.

 

Wishing for better days for the both of you xo

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I’m glad your other aunt is coming to your aid. I wouldn’t worry about the mean one too much if you can help it. You have enough on your plate as it is.

 

Just concentrate on the family members who do support you. Your aunt should be the very last one you’re thinking of right now and wasting your time and energy on.

 

I hope your BF feels better soon. Figuring out what it is is half the battle. At least they know how to go about fixing it now.

 

Wishing for better days for the both of you xo

 

I agree. However she is very loud and is louder than those who care. I just wish she would shut up st this time. I'm running on empty. My boyfriend is trying to help by making me rest and taking time away from the situation, I just don't know how I'm keeping going.

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just poast in the app. "he's dying. my love is dying". that might shut her up.

 

and then ask everyone in the chat how she got to be a racist. cuz she is.

 

then post that you are taking the plane tickets, that your grand father can spend his money any way he likes, until they prove he's no longer able to make his own decisions.

 

otherwise, off the top of my Irish/Russian/English head i'd say, get a ancestry dot com DNA test and either prove he's not 100 percent British or lie about it and make up some Irish ancestors for him.

 

all the best.

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Your aunt is mentally unbalanced and needs to be removed from that group chat. The fact that she hasn't already been removed and blocked implies that your family and you are rather enjoying the drama she is stirring up. Same with you telling your boyfriend what your aunt said about leaving him to die. Why on earth did you repeat that to him? Like he needs to hear that kind of negativity when he has just been given this devastating news regarding his health. Please be more sensitive and more selective about what you repeat.

 

If your family refuses to remove your aunt from the chat, then you can choose to stop participating in the chat yourself. Tell your other family members that you refuse to spend anymore of your emotional energy reacting to your aunt and you no longer wish to see what she says so they either remove her or you will be removing yourself. You can put a stop to this drama if you really want to.

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Your aunt is mentally unbalanced and needs to be removed from that group chat. The fact that she hasn't already been removed and blocked implies that your family and you are rather enjoying the drama she is stirring up. Same with you telling your boyfriend what your aunt said about leaving him to die. Why on earth did you repeat that to him? Like he needs to hear that kind of negativity when he has just been given this devastating news regarding his health. Please be more sensitive and more selective about what you repeat.

 

If your family refuses to remove your aunt from the chat, then you can choose to stop participating in the chat yourself. Tell your other family members that you refuse to spend anymore of your emotional energy reacting to your aunt and you no longer wish to see what she says so they either remove her or you will be removing yourself. You can put a stop to this drama if you really want to.

 

I leave the chat on a daily basis and ask to not be added back in. They say "I'm family" and add me back in.

 

As for telling my boyfriend. He asks and says he wants to hear whats said and we say we have no secrets. I know I really shouldn't tell him. I can't lie to him though.

 

I am considering putting my irish number to my secondary number and use my UK number as my main number, that will stop this. As I'll only use my Irish number to call home

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