LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Familial > Family

My kids nana hasn't long to live


Family Parents too demanding? Sibling driving you mad? Tell us!

Like Tree16Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 20th January 2019, 9:43 PM   #1
Established Member
 
misspalmy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 388
Angry My kids nana hasn't long to live

My kids nana on their dads side has go not long to live. shes never like me. how do i support my kids when they havnt had much to do with her. as she never put much into it.

I'm not with the fathers. i have kids to one guy and boy and pregnant to his brother. So i have to surport both fathers to as both losing there mother. its hard she never like me.

They said could be from now to 2mths from now.
misspalmy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21st January 2019, 2:10 AM   #2
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Antipodes
Posts: 12,475
This is going to sound heartless...but if the kids haven't formed a bond with her, will they actually care? Are they old enough to understand?

I can't see why you have to support the fathers though - isn't that what their wives are for?
basil67 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21st January 2019, 7:43 AM   #3
Established Member
 
amaysngrace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Jersey Shore
Posts: 25,646
How old are your children? Will they even be welcomed if they go visit her to spend some time with her?
amaysngrace is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21st January 2019, 2:22 PM   #4
Established Member
 
d0nnivain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 33,524
it's about them not you

Invite the fathers to take their children to see the dying nana. The fathers will derive comfort from the kids' presence & the nana will probably be grateful to see them again.

When nana passes, you send flowers from both kids something along the lines of "beloved nana". You let the fathers dictate the terms of the kids' presence at any services / rituals.
d0nnivain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd January 2019, 6:18 PM   #5
Established Member
 
misspalmy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 388
Im planing on doing that. I did that last year when the fathers sister died last year they made cars for dads and nana
misspalmy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd February 2019, 8:43 PM   #6
Established Member
 
misspalmy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 388
Ex mm mother hasnt got long live

its so hard dealing with him picking up my son whos 2. his dad and nana live 3 hours away i have no car to take him up and also 26 weeks pregnant to him. not that im welcome up there. im pregnant with his 2nd child hes still with his wife.

I dont want him take my son up due to not trusting his wife. my son may trigger her and she may hurt him. I say trigger cos hes dealing with know hes cheating on her 2nd time. when she was down early his year my son had a bump on his head. i think she did it.police cant do any thing about it. she watches him 24/7 the wife.

I was this other woman but im not now. hes really trying to be good. which is great for him i not going back there again
misspalmy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd February 2019, 2:52 AM   #7
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 4,086
Your kids don't know their grandmother and won't be affected by her death and that side of the family doesn't want you there anyways so I would recommend that you just stay home with your kids and let your exmm and his family grieve
anika99 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd February 2019, 4:01 AM   #8
Established Member
 
bathtub-row's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,994
I think you’re turning something into a problem that isn’t yours. Let the grown men deal with their own emotions. If you’re in a relationship with one of them - not sure I fully understand the situation - then be supportive of him. But that doesn’t mean coddling him as though he were a child. Just listen and be understanding.

As far as your kids are concerned, I doubt they have a clue as to what’s going on and I wouldn’t worry about it. However, I’d tell the ex that if your son comes back to your house with another bump or bruise anywhere on his body, he’s going to need to answer for it and have you to deal with. Take pictures any time that happens and put dates on them. Too many of those incidents and your husband will be sorry he let his idiot wife touch his child. Typically, if a man is confronted with a mother’s wrath where her child is concerned, he’ll move heaven and earth not to let it happen again. My ex did that once to my son and I called him, asked him what happened, and then calmly informed him that if I ever saw bruises on my son again, I’d disappear and he’d never find either one of us again. The incident never happened again.
bathtub-row is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd February 2019, 11:50 AM   #9
Established Member
 
pepperbird's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 976
Quote:
Originally Posted by misspalmy View Post
its so hard dealing with him picking up my son whos 2. his dad and nana live 3 hours away i have no car to take him up and also 26 weeks pregnant to him. not that im welcome up there. im pregnant with his 2nd child hes still with his wife.

I dont want him take my son up due to not trusting his wife. my son may trigger her and she may hurt him. I say trigger cos hes dealing with know hes cheating on her 2nd time. when she was down early his year my son had a bump on his head. i think she did it.police cant do any thing about it. she watches him 24/7 the wife.

I was this other woman but im not now. hes really trying to be good. which is great for him i not going back there again

I'm sorry to tell you this, but it's not for you to decide who his child sees or is with when you aren't there.
Your only choice, really, is to go to court and have all this clarified.



In all honesty, given your history with her husband and his brother, can you blame his wife for not being to thrilled about the situation?
pepperbird is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th February 2019, 1:52 PM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 933
It's not necessary for you to support the fathers of your children. Stay away from their family, as your presence would only serve to make a rough situation even rougher. Let the fathers take the children to visit their Nana or attend the services if they believe it is necessary.
BTDT2012 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th February 2019, 4:49 PM   #11
Established Member
 
preraph's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 24,928
Kids will bounce back, and they don't care all that much when young. You really have not obligation here. If it is a bad mix, then just don't go. Send card.
__________________
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
"The greatness of a nation & its moral progress can be judged by the way in its animals are treated." -Gandhi
preraph is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th February 2019, 8:37 PM   #12
Established Member
 
misspalmy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 388
Quote:
Originally Posted by pepperbird View Post
I'm sorry to tell you this, but it's not for you to decide who his child sees or is with when you aren't there.
Your only choice, really, is to go to court and have all this clarified.



In all honesty, given your history with her husband and his brother, can you blame his wife for not being to thrilled about the situation?
when my 2 year old comes back with a bump on his head and his father says he dont no how he got it and one time she was around my son got a bump? she must of done it. i reported it to the police too and now hes not talking to me. i had every right to be mad. if shes abused him

update on the nana. shes still hanging in there.
misspalmy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th February 2019, 8:47 PM   #13
Established Member
 
RecentChange's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: San Francisco Bay Area
Posts: 5,159
Like others have said - sounds like the kids never really knew their grandma, so they won't be affected. I was never close to my grandparents as a kid - and honestly was not affected at all by their passing.

As for the fathers - these are two brothers who cheat on their wives with you right? I can understand why grandma isn't thrilled with the situation.

I say stay out of it. You don't need to "support" these men, they have wives for that. You said one of them isn't even talking to you (is that the one who most recently impregnated you?).

Just honestly this situation is a huge mess. The kids don't know their grandma well, it's going to be one of the many things they miss out on due to the nature of situation
__________________
Sorry for all of the typos! On a cell phone that thinks it is smarter than me
RecentChange is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th February 2019, 8:52 PM   #14
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 4,086
Pretty sure she didn't punch your kid in the head. 2yr olds whack their heads all the time
anika99 is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Divorcing with 3 kids - can one live together divorced for the sake of the kids. how? SwissParent Separation and Divorce 9 23rd April 2015 1:06 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 4:22 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.