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Mum has breast cancer


Cornputer

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Hey everyone,

 

 

I’m going crazy. It won’t register in my mind, but my heart is racing, the tears are just flowing and I’m constantly gasping for air, then laughing at stupid videos on YouTube, then I’m numb, then I laugh and later cry again. But my mind doesn’t get it. I don’t know how to explain it to you. I don’t understand it, it doesn’t make sense.

 

Some hours ago, I found out that mum is having surgery tomorrow morning. Dad told me she has breast cancer, he said it’s in early stages. They’ve known since December, but haven’t told me (20F) or my little sister (15) yet. My sister will find out tomorrow night. Dad asked me to go home tomorrow and be there for her.

 

I don’t know anything about cancer. Dad told me it’s in its early stages and that the doctos are very hopeful, but I’m scared. I was mean to her. She wouldn’t even look at me the day after we had a fight. Then we were fine for a few days, and I haven’t seen her since as I was out of town. Now she’s going to get surgery. And I can’t even see her.

 

We’ve always had a complicated relationship. She became nicer around December, probably after she found out. She didn’t ignore me anymore, it sounds pathetic, but she actually talked to me. And invited me to places. She’s so dear to me and always has been, I’m terribly scared.

 

I don’t want to start Googling around, does anyone have any experience or knowledge regarding my situation? Any input is greatly appreciated.

 

I hope you understand.

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Im so sorry to hear you going through this. Im not sure if you’re looking for experience with breast cancer or just in general. My dad has lung cancer and they had to take out part of his lung. It was incredibly scary. It went into remission and seven years later it came back in the form of metastasizing cancer which can spread all over the body. However he’s taking medication now and it is managed. However it cannot go into remission and only can be controlled he will have it for the rest of his life. I guess with cancer if they catch it early enough hopefully everything should be ok. However there are many cases when it could get worse down the line. I don’t want to mislead you. While my dad will never beat cancer I’ve heard of many people who’ve beaten breast cancer. I can’t speak for your situation and I hope all works out ok.

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My Mom had stage 3 breast cancer when I was 5....way back in like 1982 when medicine was nothing like it is today.

 

She has a masectomy, chemo and radiation and is currently chasing my 3 year old toddler around my house.

 

 

Early stage breast cancer has great success rates.

 

Please try not to panic.

 

Sending love.

Edited by Wallysbears
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Try to stay positive, especially around your younger sister.

 

How you reacted is normal! There is actually no rules on how to react to that news. You cry, you laugh, you distract yourself... It's all a process.

 

Reach out to your friends and other family members for love and support. Your mom (and dad) are both scared too but they are staying strong to keep you and your sister from worrying too much.

 

Keep posting here and also join sites that are aimed to help those affected by parents/friends etc, with breast cancer.

 

I'm so sorry that you're mom is ill. It isn't easy but with support you can get through this. Take it one day (or even one hour) at a time. Thinking ahead will only make you feel worse. Right now your mom has good Dr's and this cancer has been caught early so I'm betting the prognosis is pretty positive.

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  • 2 weeks later...

How old is your mom?

 

 

It is a scary news and I am sorry you and your family have to go through that. My mother had breast cancer when she was 47. She had a couple of biopsies, had radiotherapy and she has been cancer free for 25 years. If it's caught in the early stages the success rate is very high. It's scary but it's the kind of cancer science has discover a lot in the past years. Good luck with everything, be strong for your mom and little sister.

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the tears are just flowing
Try to be strong for her. You have a little sister. And I've learned from experience that men are often softer than you'd think. I was the main support for my father, for him not to panic, when my mother got ill. And even for my older brother, a grown man. That doesn't mean you can't let yourself go at night, in the privacy of your bedroom (I hope you have one on your own).

 

 

 

I don’t understand it, it doesn’t make sense.
Illness can come all of a sudden. My mother was fine, then her sudden illness hit us all as a family. Diagnosis in the afternoon, surgery the next morning. That's how sudden it was. The positive thing is that your mother was diagnosed in the early stages.

 

I don’t know anything about cancer.
Someone close to me had breast cancer, but that was over 20 years ago. So I think things improved a lot since then. Her cancer was so bad that she had double mastectomy (aka both breasts removed). She felt very weak after that and going on over the years. She couldn't lift "heavy" stuff with her arms anymore. She stayed with us another 10 years, despite the seriousness of her cancer. So I think you should stay positive about your mom. I guess your mom is younger (probably in her 40s), stronger, healthier (the woman I was talking about didn't have a very healthy lifestyle).

 

Your mom will need to rest a lot. She will need your support as a daughter. Try not to cry in front of her. Make her smile and feel at ease. Try to keep a serene atmosphere at home. And seize any chance you have to spend time with her. Like holidays for instance. Or a short trip together. You'll have sweet memories together.

 

 

 

She wouldn’t even look at me the day after we had a fight.
Stop having these negative thoughts. She's a mom, and she can forgive her daughter. She has more serious issues to think of. Don't drain her energies. Do your part, don't nag. And everything we'll be fine.

 

 

 

I was out of town. Now she’s going to get surgery. And I can’t even see her.
Do you live in another town or it just happened you were not around for a few days? Don't blame yourself about it. Just be her daughter. That's what you're supposed to do.

 

 

I don’t want to start Googling around
I think it's a good decision right now. You're already upset about the whole thing. No need to add more drama to it, or to burn out because of missed sleep. When she's out from hospital, ask her if she'd like to go buy a nice pj with matching night robe with you. She might not welcome the idea, as she doesn't want to be sick, but you can just tell her you'd like her to be gorgeous in any situation, because she's the best mom you could ever have, and she deserves to look great, even when things seem to look less than bright.

 

 

 

does anyone have any experience or knowledge regarding my situation? Any input is greatly appreciated.
Well, besides all of the above, I learned not to keep asking "How are you?", "How do you feel?", because many times the answer will be bad. People tend to keep asking, but there are days that's all you've been asked, and it gets old. Sit with her on the couch and cuddle instead. Be the listener. Or talk about good stuff to make her feel better.

 

 

Surgery is usually the first step. Chemo might be the next one. It might be once a month. During those days, mom needs to rest. You'll be given instructions on what to do and what she can eat while on chemo. In my experience no pizza, no cheese, no milk, no dairy products, as it might make her feel nauseous and cause her to throw up. But you'll know for sure if she has to be on chemo, they will explain everything.

 

 

Try to relax. And take one step at a time.

Edited by justwhoiam
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  • 5 weeks later...
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It's horrid to see what it's doing to us. Turns out there is a need for chemotherapy post-surgery, accompanied with radiation and hormone therapy, if I understood correctly. She will be fixing her treatment plan with her doctors tomorrow.

 

I feel so helpless. I don't know what to do or say. I've never seen my little sister and dad so heartbroken, seeing sis quietly cry and shiver really got to me. Mum is a very strong woman and I've never seen her scared, but I've just been sobbing ever since she came to the living room, crying while on the phone with her doctor.

 

I just want to take it away from her.

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It’s okay to be sad. The most important thing you can do is let her know you’re there for her. It may be tough some days, she may be feeling especially moody and nasty but try your best not to let it get to you. It will only be because she feels lousy.

 

Wishing you strength in these trying times ahead xo

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It’s okay to be sad. The most important thing you can do is let her know you’re there for her. It may be tough some days, she may be feeling especially moody and nasty but try your best not to let it get to you. It will only be because she feels lousy.

 

Wishing you strength in these trying times ahead xo

 

Thank you. I will be making her favorite cheesecake tonight, hopefully that will cheer her up. Love her to bits.

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Happy Lemming
My Mom had stage 3 breast cancer when I was 5....way back in like 1982 when medicine was nothing like it is today.

 

She has a masectomy, chemo and radiation and is currently chasing my 3 year old toddler around my house.

 

 

Early stage breast cancer has great success rates.

 

Please try not to panic.

 

Sending love.

 

Similar to Wallybears, my mom was diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer about 18 months ago, she also had a mastectomy & did all the chemo, etc. She is now in remission and doing GREAT! For the record she just turned 80 years old.

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Did your mum get to enjoy her cheesecake?

 

Oh yes, her favorite! Coffee cheesecake. It makes me happy a simple cheesecake cheers her up as much as it did.

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Similar to Wallybears, my mom was diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer about 18 months ago, she also had a mastectomy & did all the chemo, etc. She is now in remission and doing GREAT! For the record she just turned 80 years old.

 

I'm so very happy to hear of all the recoveries, it makes me quite speechless as I have no idea what that must have been/felt like. I am so proud of my mum for catching it early on. Also proud of everyone who has gone through it or been there for a loved one, it's scary. Such a horrible thing.

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Mum had her first "hit" of chemo yesterday right after getting her treatment plan.

 

She is feeling okay now, according to dad. The doctors predicted that in a few days it will most likely become bad, I will go home then, for Sunday and Monday. Otherwise it's my little sister and dad keeping her company.

 

Very worried. I have no idea what's going to happen or how to make her as comfortable as possible. Will she be tired, will she not eat, what foods should she eat.. So lost. I know she will push through, but it also concerns me how she will handle it mentally. She is scared. I think right now she is trying to ignore it and pick up the pieces after it's all over, that's what it seems like. But how could I possibly know.. Just feel like I'm not doing enough for her. Want her to feel appreciated.

 

I tried to also get access to a forum dedicated to people who either have cancer or are dealing with someone who does, but my account won't get verified by the mods.. I do want to get it out somewhere, although LoveShack isn't really the place for this, I don't think. Don't know..

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That’s excellent that she enjoyed her treat. That’s what I was really good at when my mom was going through treatment, making tempting rich foods for her to eat. She barely lost any weight at all.

 

If you know of any others you should whip some up. She may not always want them but if she does eat some she’ll be getting her calories in.

 

I’m not sure what she should be eating and avoiding right now. Will she get to meet with a nutritionist?

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That’s excellent that she enjoyed her treat. That’s what I was really good at when my mom was going through treatment, making tempting rich foods for her to eat. She barely lost any weight at all.

 

If you know of any others you should whip some up. She may not always want them but if she does eat some she’ll be getting her calories in.

 

I’m not sure what she should be eating and avoiding right now. Will she get to meet with a nutritionist?

 

I'll keep the tip in mind!! Thank you!

 

As of now, there is no nutritionist involved. We were told that due to chemo, it's likely her skin will become very dry, it also causes sores and bleeding in the mouth. So we got her different gels, sprays she could use for relief. She will only be able to eat things that will be gentle on her mouth, so porridge, yoghurt and, sorry, boring things like that… Although I will be preparing my pumpking puree soup for her over the weekend, she loves it. Technically baby food only! Bless her.

 

We will see how she handles it when it catches up with her. We will just try and make sure she eats and drinks enough and that the food is full of nutrients.

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Mum got sick for the first time last night. Bless her, hope she won’t feel too bad today.

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amaysngrace

I’m sorry your mum is starting to get sick. That was very fast. :(

 

I know when my own mom was taking chemo all of her senses were heightened and ordinary things like sounds and smells brought about nausea. She had those sores in her mouth also, horrible. They gave her something called magic mouthwash and while it didn’t help her completely it was what she found most effective more than any other solution.

 

How long are they saying she needs to do chemo? I hope it won’t be too long so she can get back to feeling better soon.

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