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Mum has breast cancer


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Old 17th January 2019, 1:37 PM   #1
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Mum has breast cancer

Hey everyone,


Iím going crazy. It wonít register in my mind, but my heart is racing, the tears are just flowing and Iím constantly gasping for air, then laughing at stupid videos on YouTube, then Iím numb, then I laugh and later cry again. But my mind doesnít get it. I donít know how to explain it to you. I donít understand it, it doesnít make sense.

Some hours ago, I found out that mum is having surgery tomorrow morning. Dad told me she has breast cancer, he said itís in early stages. Theyíve known since December, but havenít told me (20F) or my little sister (15) yet. My sister will find out tomorrow night. Dad asked me to go home tomorrow and be there for her.

I donít know anything about cancer. Dad told me itís in its early stages and that the doctos are very hopeful, but Iím scared. I was mean to her. She wouldnít even look at me the day after we had a fight. Then we were fine for a few days, and I havenít seen her since as I was out of town. Now sheís going to get surgery. And I canít even see her.

Weíve always had a complicated relationship. She became nicer around December, probably after she found out. She didnít ignore me anymore, it sounds pathetic, but she actually talked to me. And invited me to places. Sheís so dear to me and always has been, Iím terribly scared.

I donít want to start Googling around, does anyone have any experience or knowledge regarding my situation? Any input is greatly appreciated.

I hope you understand.
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Old 17th January 2019, 3:42 PM   #2
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Anyone, please?
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Old 17th January 2019, 4:04 PM   #3
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Im so sorry to hear you going through this. Im not sure if youíre looking for experience with breast cancer or just in general. My dad has lung cancer and they had to take out part of his lung. It was incredibly scary. It went into remission and seven years later it came back in the form of metastasizing cancer which can spread all over the body. However heís taking medication now and it is managed. However it cannot go into remission and only can be controlled he will have it for the rest of his life. I guess with cancer if they catch it early enough hopefully everything should be ok. However there are many cases when it could get worse down the line. I donít want to mislead you. While my dad will never beat cancer Iíve heard of many people whoíve beaten breast cancer. I canít speak for your situation and I hope all works out ok.
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Old 17th January 2019, 4:21 PM   #4
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My Mom had stage 3 breast cancer when I was 5....way back in like 1982 when medicine was nothing like it is today.

She has a masectomy, chemo and radiation and is currently chasing my 3 year old toddler around my house.


Early stage breast cancer has great success rates.

Please try not to panic.

Sending love.

Last edited by Wallysbears; 17th January 2019 at 4:22 PM.. Reason: Typo
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Old 18th January 2019, 2:32 AM   #5
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Try to stay positive, especially around your younger sister.

How you reacted is normal! There is actually no rules on how to react to that news. You cry, you laugh, you distract yourself... It's all a process.

Reach out to your friends and other family members for love and support. Your mom (and dad) are both scared too but they are staying strong to keep you and your sister from worrying too much.

Keep posting here and also join sites that are aimed to help those affected by parents/friends etc, with breast cancer.

I'm so sorry that you're mom is ill. It isn't easy but with support you can get through this. Take it one day (or even one hour) at a time. Thinking ahead will only make you feel worse. Right now your mom has good Dr's and this cancer has been caught early so I'm betting the prognosis is pretty positive.
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Old 27th January 2019, 12:18 AM   #6
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How old is your mom?


It is a scary news and I am sorry you and your family have to go through that. My mother had breast cancer when she was 47. She had a couple of biopsies, had radiotherapy and she has been cancer free for 25 years. If it's caught in the early stages the success rate is very high. It's scary but it's the kind of cancer science has discover a lot in the past years. Good luck with everything, be strong for your mom and little sister.
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Old 27th January 2019, 2:02 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by Cornputer View Post
the tears are just flowing
Try to be strong for her. You have a little sister. And I've learned from experience that men are often softer than you'd think. I was the main support for my father, for him not to panic, when my mother got ill. And even for my older brother, a grown man. That doesn't mean you can't let yourself go at night, in the privacy of your bedroom (I hope you have one on your own).



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Originally Posted by Cornputer View Post
I don’t understand it, it doesn’t make sense.
Illness can come all of a sudden. My mother was fine, then her sudden illness hit us all as a family. Diagnosis in the afternoon, surgery the next morning. That's how sudden it was. The positive thing is that your mother was diagnosed in the early stages.

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Originally Posted by Cornputer View Post
I don’t know anything about cancer.
Someone close to me had breast cancer, but that was over 20 years ago. So I think things improved a lot since then. Her cancer was so bad that she had double mastectomy (aka both breasts removed). She felt very weak after that and going on over the years. She couldn't lift "heavy" stuff with her arms anymore. She stayed with us another 10 years, despite the seriousness of her cancer. So I think you should stay positive about your mom. I guess your mom is younger (probably in her 40s), stronger, healthier (the woman I was talking about didn't have a very healthy lifestyle).

Your mom will need to rest a lot. She will need your support as a daughter. Try not to cry in front of her. Make her smile and feel at ease. Try to keep a serene atmosphere at home. And seize any chance you have to spend time with her. Like holidays for instance. Or a short trip together. You'll have sweet memories together.



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Originally Posted by Cornputer View Post
She wouldn’t even look at me the day after we had a fight.
Stop having these negative thoughts. She's a mom, and she can forgive her daughter. She has more serious issues to think of. Don't drain her energies. Do your part, don't nag. And everything we'll be fine.



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Originally Posted by Cornputer View Post
I was out of town. Now she’s going to get surgery. And I can’t even see her.
Do you live in another town or it just happened you were not around for a few days? Don't blame yourself about it. Just be her daughter. That's what you're supposed to do.


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Originally Posted by Cornputer View Post
I don’t want to start Googling around
I think it's a good decision right now. You're already upset about the whole thing. No need to add more drama to it, or to burn out because of missed sleep. When she's out from hospital, ask her if she'd like to go buy a nice pj with matching night robe with you. She might not welcome the idea, as she doesn't want to be sick, but you can just tell her you'd like her to be gorgeous in any situation, because she's the best mom you could ever have, and she deserves to look great, even when things seem to look less than bright.



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Originally Posted by Cornputer View Post
does anyone have any experience or knowledge regarding my situation? Any input is greatly appreciated.
Well, besides all of the above, I learned not to keep asking "How are you?", "How do you feel?", because many times the answer will be bad. People tend to keep asking, but there are days that's all you've been asked, and it gets old. Sit with her on the couch and cuddle instead. Be the listener. Or talk about good stuff to make her feel better.


Surgery is usually the first step. Chemo might be the next one. It might be once a month. During those days, mom needs to rest. You'll be given instructions on what to do and what she can eat while on chemo. In my experience no pizza, no cheese, no milk, no dairy products, as it might make her feel nauseous and cause her to throw up. But you'll know for sure if she has to be on chemo, they will explain everything.


Try to relax. And take one step at a time.

Last edited by justwhoiam; 27th January 2019 at 2:05 PM..
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Old 26th February 2019, 2:38 AM   #8
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It's horrid to see what it's doing to us. Turns out there is a need for chemotherapy post-surgery, accompanied with radiation and hormone therapy, if I understood correctly. She will be fixing her treatment plan with her doctors tomorrow.

I feel so helpless. I don't know what to do or say. I've never seen my little sister and dad so heartbroken, seeing sis quietly cry and shiver really got to me. Mum is a very strong woman and I've never seen her scared, but I've just been sobbing ever since she came to the living room, crying while on the phone with her doctor.

I just want to take it away from her.
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Old 26th February 2019, 4:38 AM   #9
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Itís okay to be sad. The most important thing you can do is let her know youíre there for her. It may be tough some days, she may be feeling especially moody and nasty but try your best not to let it get to you. It will only be because she feels lousy.

Wishing you strength in these trying times ahead xo
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Old 26th February 2019, 5:35 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by amaysngrace View Post
Itís okay to be sad. The most important thing you can do is let her know youíre there for her. It may be tough some days, she may be feeling especially moody and nasty but try your best not to let it get to you. It will only be because she feels lousy.

Wishing you strength in these trying times ahead xo
Thank you. I will be making her favorite cheesecake tonight, hopefully that will cheer her up. Love her to bits.
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Old 26th February 2019, 8:48 PM   #11
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Did your mum get to enjoy her cheesecake?
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Old 26th February 2019, 9:00 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by Wallysbears View Post
My Mom had stage 3 breast cancer when I was 5....way back in like 1982 when medicine was nothing like it is today.

She has a masectomy, chemo and radiation and is currently chasing my 3 year old toddler around my house.


Early stage breast cancer has great success rates.

Please try not to panic.

Sending love.
Similar to Wallybears, my mom was diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer about 18 months ago, she also had a mastectomy & did all the chemo, etc. She is now in remission and doing GREAT! For the record she just turned 80 years old.
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Old 28th February 2019, 3:56 AM   #13
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Did your mum get to enjoy her cheesecake?
Oh yes, her favorite! Coffee cheesecake. It makes me happy a simple cheesecake cheers her up as much as it did.
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Old 28th February 2019, 3:59 AM   #14
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Similar to Wallybears, my mom was diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer about 18 months ago, she also had a mastectomy & did all the chemo, etc. She is now in remission and doing GREAT! For the record she just turned 80 years old.
I'm so very happy to hear of all the recoveries, it makes me quite speechless as I have no idea what that must have been/felt like. I am so proud of my mum for catching it early on. Also proud of everyone who has gone through it or been there for a loved one, it's scary. Such a horrible thing.
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Old 28th February 2019, 4:09 AM   #15
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Mum had her first "hit" of chemo yesterday right after getting her treatment plan.

She is feeling okay now, according to dad. The doctors predicted that in a few days it will most likely become bad, I will go home then, for Sunday and Monday. Otherwise it's my little sister and dad keeping her company.

Very worried. I have no idea what's going to happen or how to make her as comfortable as possible. Will she be tired, will she not eat, what foods should she eat.. So lost. I know she will push through, but it also concerns me how she will handle it mentally. She is scared. I think right now she is trying to ignore it and pick up the pieces after it's all over, that's what it seems like. But how could I possibly know.. Just feel like I'm not doing enough for her. Want her to feel appreciated.

I tried to also get access to a forum dedicated to people who either have cancer or are dealing with someone who does, but my account won't get verified by the mods.. I do want to get it out somewhere, although LoveShack isn't really the place for this, I don't think. Don't know..
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