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Should my autistic brother date women who are also autistic or no?


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Old 14th January 2019, 4:33 AM   #1
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Should my autistic brother date women who are also autistic or no?

He feels very lonely and insecure as to why women keep rejecting him because of his condition most likely. He is 29, but he seems to have the IQ of someone around 9 or 10 maybe, but at the same time, is advanced in the sense that he is very romantically lonely and desires a romantic relationship.

So I wonder if maybe he should be looking for someone of a similar IQ, but I am told by some others that that's a terrible idea, and it would be an incompetent relationship as a result... and therefore he should date a women with a higher IQ that could take care of a lot of potential problems that would arise.

But after years of trying, he hasn't been able to find one woman of a normal IQ that is interested in him. What do you think?
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Old 14th January 2019, 12:15 PM   #2
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I think it's OK. You see people with down syndrome dating/marrying others who have down syndrome. They would most definitively relate to each other. The only disastrous thing to worry about is them choosing not to use birth control.
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Old 28th January 2019, 5:50 PM   #3
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I also agree that this is normal. The main thing that they can take care of themselves and feel good with each other
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Old 28th January 2019, 6:28 PM   #4
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The people who suggest a higher IQ person probably think they will be part carer and part girlfriend. But it doesn't work that way. A high IQ person isn't going to be intellectually satisfied with a low IQ person. I think he should go after someone who he likes who is also compatible with him, who understands and appreciates him.

Does he go to a supported work or day program? Or social evenings for those who have a disability? He's more likely to meet someone there.
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Old 28th January 2019, 10:00 PM   #5
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<snip>But after years of trying, he hasn't been able to find one woman of a normal IQ that is interested in him. What do you think?
I hope you realize that many people on the autism spectrum have high IQs. The impairments in social functioning are not due to stupidity.

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Old 28th January 2019, 10:41 PM   #6
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<snip>
But after years of trying, he hasn't been able to find one woman of a normal IQ that is interested in him. What do you think?
does he have any serious medical issues besides the autism?
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Old 28th January 2019, 11:49 PM   #7
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Plus - you will find someone who will likely understand your brother's autism.
Cons - you will probably have a hard time getting him to bring up the next generation.

Pros of dating a non-autistic lady - she might be patient enough to complement the weaknesses in his personality.
Cons - very difficult to find a lady patient enough to put up with autistic behaviors.
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Old 29th January 2019, 3:23 AM   #8
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Should my autistic brother date women who are also autistic or no?

He should date anyone who feels like dating him. That means you don't run around finding dates for him. If it doesn't happen, you shouldn't force it. So I wouldn't understand your involvement.


You can read this: https://www.verywellhealth.com/autis...arents-4147325
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Old 16th February 2019, 1:49 AM   #9
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Well he keeps asking me to help though. Like he is literally asking me to help him get better at getting dates all the time. Should I just not get involved and ignore him then, if he really wants my help? He keeps asking me to help him find someone, so what should I do then?
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Old 16th February 2019, 9:43 AM   #10
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I hope you realize that many people on the autism spectrum have high IQs. The impairments in social functioning are not due to stupidity.

He has according to the OP the functioning level of an 8-9 year old, whether that is purely due to autism or not is unclear.
Not many "normal" women are looking for a man with that level of disability.
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Old 17th February 2019, 2:54 AM   #11
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Well he seems that way socially, but he's really good at math and machines, which makes him good at his job, that I don't think that any 8-9 year old could do. But he seems around 8-9 in social situations, yet feels lonely and inadequate and wants a romantic relationship still.

And he keeps asking me to help, so I am not sure what to do.
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Old 17th February 2019, 3:01 AM   #12
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Well he seems that way socially, but he's really good at math and machines, which makes him good at his job, that I don't think that any 8-9 year old could do. But he seems around 8-9 in social situations, yet feels lonely and inadequate and wants a romantic relationship still.

And he keeps asking me to help, so I am not sure what to do.

geniuses can have a hard time dating....

seems your brother suffers socially(common to autism because of lack there of concerning empathy and mostly poor social reading skills) and maybe not intelligence wise issues with your brother.....the cure for that is take him out to places and hobbies he would feel relaxed with around others...gradually...and see how things go without forcing them to happen...you might enjoy the time with him also to get to know him better...than you do...find out what he is into..guide him to groups that have females who like the same things........deb..
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Old 17th February 2019, 3:40 AM   #13
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Okay thanks. I feel I have gotten to know him pretty well, and all, but will of course keep hanging out with him and trying to introduce him to new things and all.

Do you think it would be better for him to date autistic women as well, around his same intelligence level, and that might be better for him, as oppose to dating women who think that his IQ is too low for them?
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Old 17th February 2019, 3:52 AM   #14
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Okay thanks. I feel I have gotten to know him pretty well, and all, but will of course keep hanging out with him and trying to introduce him to new things and all.

Do you think it would be better for him to date autistic women as well, around his same intelligence level, and that might be better for him, as oppose to dating women who think that his IQ is too low for them?
autism doesnt necessarily mean low intelligence so i cant say yes to that because they may have a higher intelligence than you could imagine....there are inventors who are autistic....temple Grandin was one autistic female inventor who changed the face of the meat industry and how they transport cattle to the killing room...awesome movie by the way...i watched this show about dating special people...and special people dating....and one autistic guy went to a dance with others like him with disabilities and had a whale of a time built his confidence up because young women were putting their phone numbers in his hand.....

check out autistic groups in your area and see what they have to offer in as far as social activities is my suggestion....deb
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Old 17th February 2019, 3:56 AM   #15
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Okay thanks, I will check it out. What show was that?

And yeah I see what you mean about high intelligence, it's just most people I think, think he has low intelligence, and I think a lot of the women would too unfortunately.
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