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Wrong for covering up for Daughter in law ??


Starrynitegirl

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Starrynitegirl

She confessed it to me out of the blue one day.

 

 

She and my son have been married 10 years no kids.

 

I love her like a daughter.

 

I love my son of course but I know he is an alcoholic and can be verbally abusive often and argues with her over frivilious things. Ive witnessed some of it.

 

 

He used to be like this when he still lived at home.

 

 

He would just spend up his money of B.S and alwalys wonder why he had no money to pay his share of responsibility. And I know hes still like this now to this day. Hes lazy sometimes dosent like to clean and keeps hoping from job to job

 

 

 

She's been seeing a guy that is more "placed" in life for about a year and lives behind me and begged ne not to tell my son because of how he can be. As m mom and a mother in law its hard to be the civill one.

 

 

Do I tell him or no ..??

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Starrynitegirl
I say don't tell him but encourage her to tell him.

You have been put in a bad spot.

 

Yeah I agree. They were over for New Years

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Yikes. That is rough. No easy answer. Do you think he’s really in love with her or just hanging on because it’s easier than not? That might make a difference to me.

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This could get ugly when it comes to light and it’s a terrible position for you. Advice your daughter in law that what she is doing is her business and you can understand why she is doing it, but she has to go about this the right way or you will be forced to speak up as he is your son.

 

I wouldn’t tell the son because it will end up really bad, but you can talk to him and tell him that if he doesn’t shape up, he’s going to lose his wife. Plant the seed that way.

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You tell your DIL that you won't keep her dirty little secret but you give her time to tell him, by say Friday. You also advise her to consult with an attorney.

 

If Friday comes & goes you tell your son to go talk to his wife about what's been going on.

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Starrynitegirl
Yikes. That is rough. No easy answer. Do you think he’s really in love with her or just hanging on because it’s easier than not? That might make a difference to me.

 

 

I think both

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Starrynitegirl
This could get ugly when it comes to light and it’s a terrible position for you. Advice your daughter in law that what she is doing is her business and you can understand why she is doing it, but she has to go about this the right way or you will be forced to speak up as he is your son.

 

I wouldn’t tell the son because it will end up really bad, but you can talk to him and tell him that if he doesn’t shape up, he’s going to lose his wife. Plant the seed that way.

 

Good iead maybe

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Starrynitegirl
You tell your DIL that you won't keep her dirty little secret but you give her time to tell him, by say Friday. You also advise her to consult with an attorney.

 

If Friday comes & goes you tell your son to go talk to his wife about what's been going on.

 

Hmmm I see your point

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CautiouslyOptimistic

Really tough spot you're in. I understand why you are feeling the way you do, but there really is no justification for cheating when she could just divorce him. I agree with donnivain.

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Starrynitegirl
Really tough spot you're in. I understand why you are feeling the way you do, but there really is no justification for cheating when she could just divorce him. I agree with donnivain.

 

Yeah I know

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Really tough spot you're in. I understand why you are feeling the way you do, but there really is no justification for cheating when she could just divorce him. I agree with donnivain.

 

I could not agree more. If she is not happy and he does not treat her well, the best thing to do is to divorce - not to cheat.

 

I would not keep this secret for her. I would tell her that she has until the end of the week to tell your son. Then, they will do what they want to do...

 

I think it's really unfair that she would cheat, when she could divorce... And then that she would ask you to keep this secret... She's just not making good decisions right now.

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Starrynitegirl

Shes coming to visit me this week and said she wants us to go out to eat together ?

 

I dont know about this does anyone have similar sutuations ?.

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This crosses a line. I would not meet this man.

 

Did you give her the ultimatum that she must tell your son, or you would tell him?

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No way.

 

She doesn't deserve to have a "family" meal and pleasant afternoon with lunch when she's having an affair.

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Starrynitegirl
This crosses a line. I would not meet this man.

 

Did you give her the ultimatum that she must tell your son, or you would tell him?

 

No I kinda dropoed it after listening to others

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I read it. Your son is . . . shall we say not the nicest person.

 

Doesn't matter. Do not have dinner with your DIL's AP. It's disloyal to your flesh & blood.

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Starrynitegirl
This crosses a line. I would not meet this man.

 

Did you give her the ultimatum that she must tell your son, or you would tell him?

 

BTW he lives behind me

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I cannot fathom this.

 

That is still your son.

 

If he is an alcoholic and the way he is - then she should divorce him and leave.

 

Maybe that would be the push he needs to get help.

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Instead have dinner with your son & DIL. Help her to tell him that she wants a divorce because he's a toxic mess which has driven her to have an affair. You help to keep her safe from his temper but get them apart.

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BTW he lives behind me

 

The OM? Does it really matter?

 

She is welcome to date whoever she wants, when she holds divorce papers in her hand. Then, and only then, would I even consider meeting them for dinner (and probably not then either).

 

You need to tell her that she must tell your son. Your first loyalty should be to your son.

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Shes coming to visit me this week and said she wants us to go out to eat together ?

 

I dont know about this does anyone have similar sutuations ?.

 

This is so wrong I can't find the words. It's horrible that she has invited you out with the OM and horrible that you are actually considering it. Do you really have no loyalty to your son?

 

It sounds like your son has been a dismal partner and he needs a wake up call, not just for the sake of saving his marriage but also so he can save himself. If he is an alcoholic then he has a real problem and perhaps knowing the truth would push him out of denial.

 

I don't like the sound of your DIL. First she selfishly put you in this position and now she is trying to take this betrayal to a whole new level by having you socialize with her OM. Disgusting. Don't be a fool, your DIL doesn't care about you, she just wants to selfishly gush about her new boyfriend. If your son finds out about the affair and discovers that you knew and didnt tell him, your DIL will not care about you, she will even throw you under the bus if it helps her in some way. You will lose your son and your DIL will not care and she won't be there for you. She is not your friend. If she was she never would have put you in this position.

 

You should have never agreed to go along with this deceit. Tell her she has to tell your son or you will have to tell him.

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