Sister's Christmas surprise

[major_merrick]

My sister came to my house for Christmas. She's many years younger than me, and I took care of her when she was a teenager. After some incidents a couple of years ago, she's been on her own even though she lives in the city where I work. This year, she came to have Christmas with me, my husband, my GFs, and our family. What she didn't tell me was that she was bringing a date!

 

So, she shows up on the doorstep on Christmas Eve with....one of my crazy exes. I had dated this girl for a while and lived with her in a commune in another state. It didn't work, partly because we were too similar. We even look somewhat alike. Our brief relationship was rough and the split wasn't friendly.

 

Tomorrow is Christmas Day, and now my ex is going to be sitting at my dinner table. I can't remove my sister or my ex because it would be rude (so far they have both behaved) but it is kind of awkward. My husband has no problem with it, but his response is always "Get another chair from storage...there's plenty of room at my table."

 

Am I crazy to be irritated that my sister brought an uninvited guest? Or that she's dating my ex and surprised me with that?

[Happy Lemming]

First off, I do like your husband's response. I think its great he has welcomed the newcomer and wants to "break bread" with this person. Kudos to your husband!!

 

Its a day or two, you can put on a happy face for your sister. Although its not proper etiquette to bring an extra person, young people don't always know these things and just roll with life. By your own admission, your ex is behaving and has not caused any problems. You can get through the holidays, you've been through worse... Just keep a smile on your face, and the day will fly by.

 

I think you are a little irritated because your sister is dating an ex of yours, but maybe they are both happy. Live and let live.

 

Just my two cents.

[BaileyB]

Am I crazy to be irritated that my sister brought an uninvited guest? Or that she's dating my ex and surprised me with that?

 

No, you are not crazy.

 

I'm sure that she didn't tell you because she anticipated that you would have a problem with it. To be fair, most people would have a problem with their sister bringing their crazy ex to Christmas dinner.

 

To show up for a family dinner with an unexpected guest would be considered inconvenient by some, disrespectful by others. But to bring your sister's your crazy ex to a family dinner, that's very disrespectful to you.

[Happy Lemming]

Did Major's sister know Major had previously dated this person?? And did the crazy ex know the woman she is dating is related to Major?? They may have a very common last name.

 

It might have been a surprise to all parties involved when the two showed up at Major's door...

 

My sister has no clue what women I've dated, especially the crazy ones.

[major_merrick]

Did Major's sister know Major had previously dated this person?? And did the crazy ex know the woman she is dating is related to Major?? They may have a very common last name.

 

It might have been a surprise to all parties involved when the two showed up at Major's door...

 

My sister has no clue what women I've dated, especially the crazy ones.

 

 

Oh, my sister definitely knows. We were all under one roof in those days. Me, my sister, my ex, my other ex, and a bunch of others. My sister was a young teen at that time and I lived in that large group because I was struggling to support her. My husband also knew my ex...she wasn't very nice to him when he visited me. But he's gone out of his way to make her feel welcome and patch things up.

 

So far, the two of them have behaved, which is a miracle. If I can just get to the end of the day, it will all be fine. It is their business if they want to date, but I don't have to like it. I think my ex is way too old for my sister, and my sister doesn't need help being crazy. She already has issues with boundaries as it is...which is the big reason why we aren't very close anymore.

[Happy Lemming]

My husband also knew my ex...she wasn't very nice to him when he visited me. But he's gone out of his way to make her feel welcome and patch things up.

 

So far, the two of them have behaved, which is a miracle. If I can just get to the end of the day, it will all be fine.

 

Your husband is a good man to look past "not being treated very nice". I guess he doesn't hold a grudge. I wish I was able to do that.

 

There is something very special about having a large meal in a family setting.

 

Yes, it will be fine, you can get through the day. You are doing great.

 

In the end, if your sister seems happy, let her be happy with this person. There is a lid for every pot.

[major_merrick]

Your husband is a good man to look past "not being treated very nice". I guess he doesn't hold a grudge. I wish I was able to do that.

 

There is something very special about having a large meal in a family setting.

 

Yes, it will be fine, you can get through the day. You are doing great.

 

In the end, if your sister seems happy, let her be happy with this person. There is a lid for every pot.

 

 

I'm just glad it is over. Aside from a couple of sour comments from my ex (pretty ordinary - just her temperament) we got through it ok.

 

My husband does hold grudges, but he has an almost blind affection for my sister. To him, she'll always be the five year old kid that he carried on his shoulders when we were together in high school. No matter what crazy thing she does, he doesn't absorb it. I know he'd find a place for her to move in if she thought that far ahead....and I would totally oppose bringing that drama into my house again.

 

I'm just trying to figure out why my sister is with my ex. She has sort of a "mommy" obsession and is always trying to find someone else to take care of her. She's usually dating someone at least 10 years older...sometimes even women who are old enough to be her mother. Or maybe she's trying to get back at me for insisting she move out of my house a couple of years ago?