Whyme92 Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 This might be the right forum..... Loooooong story short, I dated Kristen for 4 years. We met in college, were friends for a bit, and started dating. We moved in together and were definitely exclusive, I was even thinking about marriage. So, Kristen's family lives on the other side of the country. We both moved to the area where my family & friends live. I have a HUGE family and a bunch of friends, and as soon as I introduced Kristen to them, they all loved her. She's ridiculously charming and sociable, and quickly became the social butterfly of this big group of people. Things were going really well for us, we were living together and I thought we were very happy. A few months ago, I found out that Kristen was cheating on me with a guy she works with, Kenny [32]. My first response was obviously being devastated. I really loved her and wanted to marry her. The second response was jealousy and insecurity. I've seen Kenny around sometimes and the guy is tall, good looking, good job, in shape, funny, etc. It's a little funny in a sad way because he reminds me of the "you vs. the guy she tells you not to worry about" joke going around on Twitter. I confronted her about it, she admitted it and basically said: "Look, I'm sorry to have hurt you. I don't know if you can forgive this or not, but honestly I think that Kenny and I are really good for each other so it's best that me and you break this off." I couldn't wrap my head around the ****ing audacity to assume that I would want to forgive her and that she gets to "win" by breaking up with me first. It's been months and I'm still upset about the breakup. Me and Kristen break up, she moves out (and moves in with Kenny), and news of the whole thing gets around to my circle of family and friends. At first they were very nice and people were telling me how unfortunate the whole situation was and how life is unpredictable yada yada yada. Literally 6 weeks after I find out Kristen cheated on me and she moved out, my oldest sister had a baby shower and invited Kristen. I wasn't at the shower but when I found out she was there, I was pissed. How can my sister betray me and be so loyal to a cheater? I made it very clear to my family how I felt about it but they seemed to blow off my reaction. Then maybe 3 weeks after that, one of my cousin's had a party and (again) invited Kristen. I was there and felt really uncomfortable. What pissed me off was how my cousins and the friends that I introduced to her were all in a circle talking to her, while I was so uncomfortable that I left early. And the straw that broke the camel's back was yesterday when my best friend and his wife had a BBQ and (of course) Kristen was invited. And she brought Kenny with her. This is the first time Kenny met the group (again, people who I knew first) and they decide he's just a swell ****ing guy. They're all laughing and talking. One of my friends came up to me and said "****, he's cool. Just gotta make sure I don't leave him alone with my wife."......It's a joke to them........ I loved that girl for 4 years and treated her like a queen, but that means nothing. Afterwards I asked my best friend & his wife if they invited Kenny or just Kristen and they said "Kristen's really great and we wanted to meet her new boyfriend. What's in the past is in the past, let it go." Keep in mind, everyone there knows that Kristen cheated on me with Kenny. Even my parents are telling me that Kristen's a great girl and "like another daughter" to them. My sister point-blank said to me that if she were to get married tomorrow, Kristen would be a bridesmaid and Kenny would be invited to the wedding. I don't know what to do at this point. I don't want to give some ultimatum or anything, but I really think my family is treating me horribly. The only thing I can do is stop going to all social functions and that's a **** option. Am I right to be mad at my family and friends about this? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 24, 2018 Share Posted December 24, 2018 I'd be equally frustrated but you don't get to be in charge of other people's reactions and choices, just yours. Your options are pretty apparent - - see less of your family and friends ... or - put the failed relationship behind you Tough spot, I feel your pain... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted December 24, 2018 Share Posted December 24, 2018 One of my friends came up to me and said "he's cool. Just gotta make sure I don't leave him alone with my wife."......It's a joke to them........ Yes, it's times like these you find out who your true friends are. I hope you gave him a death glare and didn't even justify his "joke" with any response. It's a terrible situation you're in and of course you can't tell other people who to be friends with or not, as you say you can't give them ultimatums. But what you can do is let them know what the consequences of their actions will be. If I were you I'd tell them how you feel. Tell them that seeing her hurts you deeply, and in future any event she is invited to, you will not be attending. Then let them make their choices. Link to post Share on other sites
Trojan Posted December 24, 2018 Share Posted December 24, 2018 (edited) This sounds really bad and I feel sorry for you. However something is missing from this story. I suspect you're leaving out the part you played in this breakup. However it doesn't matter anymore, what's done is done. I think you should take this time and reevaluate your life and the people who you call " Friends". Because real "Friends" wouldn't do things like that. If I were you I wouldn't worry about what's happening with " Kristen", I would just focus on HEALING AND MOVING FORWARD. Everything happens for a reason, maybe you two aren't mean't to be together. I know it hurts but keep pushing. Life sucks sometimes. I know. Edited December 24, 2018 by Trojan Link to post Share on other sites
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