Is my Mom judgmental when it comes to my gfs' weight?

[ironpony]

I introduced my new gf to my Mom and she everytime I have done this with a gf, which has just been three times so far I think, she always says that she is surprised how overweight I pick them compared to myself. She of course says this when we are alone and not around them or anyone else, of course.

 

But it makes me feel like I am doing something wrong, or maybe she is judging me too much, or them, or what do you think?

[Ronni_W]

You're not doing anything wrong by dating the women you want to date.

 

Your mom's comment is, at best, non-constructive; only she knows for sure if she's trying to be critical.

Why not ask her, with a really quizzical look on your face, "Why does that concern you so much, mom?"

[amaysngrace]

She’s mentioning it so yes, she’s judging to even the point of being vocal about it.

 

Does she at least say “they have a pretty face”?

[basil67]

Reply to mum: Why do you feel the need to make such comments?

[FMW]

I agree with the others.

 

Yes, your mother is being judgmental. No, you aren't doing anything wrong.

 

Tell her the comments bother you and/or ask her why she feels the need to keep making them.

[Cersei]

Very judgemental indeed.

 

One person's weight is nobody's business except themselves and their Doctor.

[Art_Critic]

Yes that's pretty rude... what to do..

 

You need to tell her to knock it off (politely of course), tell her if she hasn't anything good to say then say nothing...

 

Do you tell your Mom how good your GF looks to you and how much you care about her ?

[stillafool]

I introduced my new gf to my Mom and she everytime I have done this with a gf, which has just been three times so far I think, she always says that she is surprised how overweight I pick them compared to myself. She of course says this when we are alone and not around them or anyone else, of course.

 

But it makes me feel like I am doing something wrong, or maybe she is judging me too much, or them, or what do you think?

 

Just tell your mom you like your women with some meat on their bones. Ask her if it bothers her and you hope not because you like it.

[ironpony]

Oh well I told my Mom when she asked why I prefer is that that whenever I go for only a thin women, she is never interested enough. So that was a different answer I guess. But I did tell her she is a really good girlfriend.

 

But it does seem to be an eyebrow raiser for her.

[Ronni_W]

<snip> whenever I go for only a thin women, she is never interested enough.

Ah, okay...so that's a little different. It could be that your mom is properly, intuitively picking up on some lack of confidence in your own self, about your value to all kinds and types of people,

including women you choose to date. And, your mom probably doesn't know how to start and have a constructive conversation with you, about it.

 

Could be, and possibly, and maybe. Of course, we have no way of actually knowing, from here.

[alphamale]

tell your mom to f**K off

[Wallysbears]

I introduced my new gf to my Mom and she everytime I have done this with a gf, which has just been three times so far I think, she always says that she is surprised how overweight I pick them compared to myself. She of course says this when we are alone and not around them or anyone else, of course.

 

But it makes me feel like I am doing something wrong, or maybe she is judging me too much, or them, or what do you think?

 

I'd stop introducing them to your mother and if she asks why I would tell her that you weren't asking for HER input on their looks. And I would tell her that it is rude.

[alphamale]

or you could call your mother fat

[BettyDraper]

Oh well I told my Mom when she asked why I prefer is that that whenever I go for only a thin women, she is never interested enough. So that was a different answer I guess. But I did tell her she is a really good girlfriend.

 

But it does seem to be an eyebrow raiser for her.

 

One of the uncomfortable truths about life is less attractive people will work harder to find and keep a decent partner. This is because we are all judged by our appearance. Women's value in the dating world is based on youth and beauty. Men are judged on their appearance as well but their resources are more important.

 

Do you find your larger girlfriend attractive or are you settling just because she treats you well? I hope that you're not settling.

[alphamale]

Do you find your larger girlfriend attractive or are you settling just because she treats you well? I hope that you're not settling.

 

if attractiveness was the sole criteria for procreation the human race would have died off long ago...

[elaine567]

Do you find your larger girlfriend attractive or are you settling just because she treats you well? I hope that you're not settling.

 

 

He is better being with a "really good gf", than hankering after thinner girls who will suit his mother's taste but who show no interest in him whatsoever.

[stillafool]

Oh well I told my Mom when she asked why I prefer is that that whenever I go for only a thin women, she is never interested enough. So that was a different answer I guess. But I did tell her she is a really good girlfriend.

 

But it does seem to be an eyebrow raiser for her.

 

So are you only dating this girl to get your mother's attention? Why didn't you say you were dating her because you're attracted to her?

[BettyDraper]

if attractiveness was the sole criteria for procreation the human race would have died off long ago...

 

Please read my previous post again.

 

I did not even mention procreation. I was speaking of factors involved in sexual market value. Whether a man wants children or not, he is going to shoot for the best looking and youngest woman he can find.

 

Women try to find the men with the most resources regardless of how much we have. That’s why so many old rich men have young and beautiful wives.

 

I’m speaking of relationships on the most basic level rather than considering other factors. We are just animals after all.

[BettyDraper]

He is better being with a "really good gf", than hankering after thinner girls who will suit his mother's taste but who show no interest in him whatsoever.

 

I agree. My concern is his reasoning for choosing certain women.

[ironpony]

Well I do I find her attractive, and didn't think I had a problem. I mean not to sound like I am giving out too much detail, but it's not like I have any problems getting erections from her so I must find her attractive therefore, right?

 

So I thought I did, but then my Mom puts these thoughts in my head. I started paying attention to my friends gf, and yeah I mean, if both these women auditioned to be models, my friend's gf would definitely get the job, and mine probably wouldn't...

 

But is that a really a big deal?

 

As for me doing better with bigger women in the past, it's always been that way for some reason. The way I've been able to get women interested in me in the past is from my sense of humor. I was told by other guys that that's the way to do it, sense of humor.

 

However, thinner women never found my sense of humor as funny. I think (and maybe it sounds bad of me to say this), but bigger women in my experience, have a bigger sense of humor.

 

So that is why it's always worked that way for me. But should I have a problem with that, or feel that I am settling, compared to the more model-ish types? I don't know now cause now I got these second thoughts put in my head now.

[darkmoon]

your mother does not like the idea of her lil boy enjoying sex, but you are grown, whether she likes it or not, she sows seeds of doubt in your mind and leaves you wondering, with "thoughts in your head"

Edited December 18, 2018 by darkmoon

[ironpony]

But when I am in a relationship with a woman and introduce her at a Christmas family gathering, what does her weight have to do with enjoying sex, as to my Mom's perception?

[darkmoon]

But when I am in a relationship with a woman and introduce her at a Christmas family gathering, what does her weight have to do with enjoying sex, as to my Mom's perception?

 

 

your Mom's perception is that you are a grown man, never more to be her child to control, and every time she sees you with a girlfriend she is reminded of that, so out comes a little barb, just a little half-one, dressed up as fact

 

 

 

calls for pity, it is not easy to get old, no point taking any notice of her, she may just stop over time

 

 

and then the eye-brow raising will stop, these reactions must also be ignored, or just smiled at politely, you like plump women, fair enough

Edited December 18, 2018 by darkmoon

[Ronni_W]

However, thinner women never found my sense of humor as funny.<snip>, but bigger women in my experience, have a bigger sense of humor.

<snip> But should I have a problem with that, or feel that I am settling,

No; if you enjoy her company and you two have fun together, then you definitely should not have a problem with that! .

And, if you know that you're not settling because you're with someone you actually really want to be with, then you are not settling.

 

In my experience, body types and sizes don't play any role in whether or not a person has a sense of humour; it's an 'inner thing' not an external thing.

 

The next time your mom makes such a comment, ask her why she feels the need or what she's concerned about; and also ask her to please stop because she's not contributing anything positive.

[amaysngrace]

I think it’s horrible that she keeps putting you through this. You being happy is really all a good parent wants for their child.

 

I wouldn’t even engage her in conversation the next time she makes a derogatory statement about your GF. Just smile and shake your head.