My Grandma Passed Away

[Wishes23]

My grandma passed away a little over a year ago and I found out that my parents split the inheritance with my three other siblings and not me. My dad told me that it was determined that since I am financially well-off in my job, that I didn’t need the money. I understand that theory, but I feel as though I was robbed of the opportunity to use the money to honor my grandmother. Amongst all of my cousins, I was the only one that didn’t receive an inheritance. I’m sentimental and was extremely close to my grandma. My grandma was a teacher and I have ideas of going back to school. It just feels like I have nothing to show that my grandma lives on or commemorate her with. She’s gone.

 

Is it unreasonable of me to feel like I’ve lost out on an experience to remember my grandma by? Technically I can afford to take out my own money and pretend it’s what my grandma would’ve wanted for me, but it’s not the same.

 

Advice?

[amaysngrace]

Do you have any pictures with her? Are there any pictures of her from when she was younger that you could ask your parents for? I’d put a few out to honor her if that’s possible.

 

What they did was wrong. You have every right to feel the way you do. It’s probably not what your grandmother would’ve wanted either but you have the memories you’ve shared, the way she always made you feel and nobody can take that from you.

[Cersei]

Sorry for your loss. I know it was a year ago but it's still tough.

 

Inheritances drive people crazy. They make people do silly things. In my opinion your parents did not do the right thing. Don't make it a big deal. Good karma will come your way and bad karma has a way if finding those who deserve it.

[Cersei]

I do understand your feelings about wanting to honor your Grandma.

My Uncle was very sick and dying of cancer in my city. I was the only family here so I visited and got him what he needed often. After he passed away his money went to his siblings. (my Dad was one of them)

 

My Dad knew how much I did for him so he bought me a snowblower because that is what his brother would have wanted. I had the money to buy one myself but every time I blow my snow I think of my Uncle.

 

Perhaps treat yourself to something you and Gramma had in common.

[Sarah_Smiles]

Sorry about your grandmothers passing and that you were excluded from her inheritance but your siblings were not. Your grandmother probably would have wanted you to have your share and it was wrong what was done to you. When I was little my sister and I was always told my nanny left 10, 000 in her will to be divided between my sister and me. I never got a cent of it, parents ( my mom's insistence) bought my sister her first car with it, and stuff for her uni later and put rest on a summer cabin at the lake. I feel for you because it does hurt and

your family should have done right by you too.

[Art_Critic]

IMO the determination that was agreed upon is garbage, who an inheritance goes to has nothing to do with who needs it the most, if no will and no family issues then it should have either just gone to your parents or all of you, IMO it was an entirely selfish thing they all did.

 

At this point now there isn't anything you can do, making a fuss and creating more hurt feelings isn't the right thing to do, you have to figure out how to place this and get passed any ill will..

 

Be forewarned however how your siblings will now treat you if your parents have no will, you will get nothing and they won't care.. and if there is a will they will most likely pull something and make more hurt feelings..

 

It sucks but you have to be the bigger person if you want to have a future relationship with your family

 

I'm sorry

[Wishes23]

Thank you for your replies. It was a rough day for me yesterday. I should note that my grandma’s inheritance went to her children (my dad) and then my dad decided to divide it up secretly. My brother and two sisters have moved far away from my parents and don’t talk to my dad. My dad tries to reunite our family by sending them money and paying for their things. I’m close with my parents and take pride in the fact that they don’t need to send me money or buy me anything.

 

The reason I bring this up is my dad gave my siblings my grandma’s inheritance almost as a means to bring them back into the family. I was the only sibling that knew my grandma to the very end. The others hadn’t visited her in almost 10 years as they never come back and visit the town we live in.

Edited December 16, 2018 by Wishes23

[carhill]

Money always tells the truth.

 

I hope you were able to be with grandma prior to her passing and to mourn your loss at the time.

 

This money stuff down the road just clarifies the family dynamics. Presuming your grandma's will didn't specifically mention you and a specific inheritance, cool, it's done, people are who they are and life goes on.

 

In a way you're lucky, you made the choice to be with grandma, give her the most valuable gift in life, your time, and none of that is clouded with money after her death. Like you shared, you're comfortable, so that's the reward.

[Lorenza]

My grandma passed away a little over a year ago and I found out that my parents split the inheritance with my three other siblings and not me. My dad told me that it was determined that since I am financially well-off in my job, that I didn’t need the money. I understand that theory, but I feel as though I was robbed of the opportunity to use the money to honor my grandmother. Amongst all of my cousins, I was the only one that didn’t receive an inheritance. I’m sentimental and was extremely close to my grandma. My grandma was a teacher and I have ideas of going back to school. It just feels like I have nothing to show that my grandma lives on or commemorate her with. She’s gone.

 

Is it unreasonable of me to feel like I’ve lost out on an experience to remember my grandma by? Technically I can afford to take out my own money and pretend it’s what my grandma would’ve wanted for me, but it’s not the same.

 

Advice?

 

Sorry for your loss - I have lost my grandmother a month ago, so I understand that you want to stay connected with her through something of hers. I also feel like I want to hold on to every little detail that help me stay connected to her - like an invisible thread in between of her world and mine. Her golden chain. The earrings I bought with the money she gave me. Even her clothes, I took some of her favorite blouses with me. But at the same time - our loved ones doesn't live through the material things they left us, that's not their legacy. Our loved ones live on through us, we're the true legacy, we're their children and their grandchildren, the only real proof that they lived and loved. Your parents were wrong to take your part of inheritance away from you, but they cannot rob you off your memories and your love for your grandmother.

 

Honor your grandmother with your own money. I'm certain she is proud that her granddaughter is so well-off financially.

[Mr. Lucky]

Is it unreasonable of me to feel like I’ve lost out on an experience to remember my grandma by? Technically I can afford to take out my own money and pretend it’s what my grandma would’ve wanted for me, but it’s not the same.

 

Advice?

 

Two different issues here. While certainly their choice, what your parents did was wrong in that it was guaranteed to cause dissension and hard feelings.

 

But I'm not clear as to the connection in your mind between money and honoring your Grandma. You honor her by celebrating her memory, using the things she taught you and keeping her spirit alive. No cash needed for any of the above...

 

Mr. Lucky