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Another family debacle


siren8272

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My family was having a dinner tonight to honor my now dead grandmother(its ok she was 90 and very mean) so my boyfriend tagged along for support. Well I went to the restroom and when I got back it was a big ole yelling match between my mother and my boyfriend. Apparently my boyfriend according to her took something out of his pocket saw her coming and he quickly put it back up. My mother then according to my boyfriend and cousins proceeded to go in his pockets to obtain the object. He as a reflex pushed her hand away and told her she was making him uncomfortable to leave him alone. She refused continuing to badger him about it even continuing to reach into his pockets. I tried to get my mother to see reason and she refused she started screaming at me so my boyfriend and I left. Just another reminder I came out of the restroom on the tail end of all this foolishness. See in my family growing up our parents were controlling so much that to get them riled up we use to take blank folded paper or just anything small enough to be hidden by your hand and put it up quickly. Once my aunt ripped my cousins jeans to get to it and my mom hurt my wrist. This I suppose is a trigger for then ,but how could one prepare a boyfriend for that “like babe be sure you show my mom anything that omes out of your pockets”

 

Now my mother is angry with me for not demanding my boyfriend show her what was in his pocket. Turns out the paper was a receipt from our lunch date earlier that day. My mother did all this over nothing. So questions 1. Was my bf wrong for not showing her the receipt? 2. Was I wrong for not “making” him(he is 6’2 250 lbs doubt I can make him anything ) 3. What should my next steps be?

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I think had I been your BF I would have just shown her the receipt. I think you should have ask your BF to show her.

 

But no one owes any one an apology for this nonsense.

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I think had I been your BF I would have just shown her the receipt. I think you should have ask your BF to show her.

 

But no one owes any one an apology for this nonsense.

 

 

 

 

I just was in shock she reached in his pockets and all of Olive Garden was looking at us...i wanted to get out of there:(:(:(:(:(

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1. Was my bf wrong for not showing her the receipt? 2. Was I wrong for not “making” him(he is 6’2 250 lbs doubt I can make him anything ) 3. What should my next steps be?
1. No, he was not wrong.

2. No, you were not wrong.

3. I would be minimizing contact with people like that. Respect needs to be a two-way street.

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I think had I been your BF I would have just shown her the receipt. I think you should have ask your BF to show her.

 

But no one owes any one an apology for this nonsense.

 

This is standard behaviour for your mother. What plans are you making to get away from her?

 

 

im away but how much contact should i have with her

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Your mothers behavior was totally unacceptable.

 

If I was your boyfriend, i would be rethinking the relationship right now. I would never want to "join" this family.

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im away but how much contact should i have with her

 

I'd at least take dinners at Olive Garden off the list.

 

siren8272, your Mom isn't "controlling", there's something deeper and much more neurotic at work here. Someone who'd start a physical confrontation in the middle of a restaurant over this has deep-seated unhealthy behaviors.

 

I'd limit my contact with her to supporting from afar her efforts to get help...

 

Mr. Lucky

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Your mother was wrong for touching your BF without his consent. The woman has no boundaries. You now know this. Keep your distance. I would explain to her what we just said; she basically assaulted your BF over something that was none of her business. Get her to apologize to your BF by email or a written note you hand him (she can mail it to you).

 

Then never leave her alone with your friends ever.

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Does your mom know your BF really well to be so into his personal space like that? I think only your mom was in the wrong, it was none of her business what was in his pocket or hand - what concern was it of hers. She needs to control her impulsive behaviors towards others.

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CautiouslyOptimistic

Very odd behavior. My mother would never behave that way. Nor would I with someone my daughter was dating.

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OMG, your mother is out of control. She has no business knowing what's in your bf's pockets! She basically assaulted him. She sounds nuts, and your bf did nothing wrong and no, you shouldn't have made him show it. None of her business!!!!

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1. Was my bf wrong for not showing her the receipt?

Absolutely not. His pockets, his business.

 

2. Was I wrong for not “making” him(he is 6’2 250 lbs doubt I can make him anything )

Again absolutely not. You should apologise to him for your mother's crazy, inappropriate behaviour. If I were him I wouldn't want to meet your mother again, although maybe if she apologised I might give her another chance.

 

3. What should my next steps be?

Tell your mother that she will treat your boyfriend with respect from now on, and apologise for her completely inappropriate behaviour. Otherwise you will not allow them to be around the same table again.

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Let's reverse genders here and see how long it would take someone to call the police if the father started putting his hands in his son's girlfriend's pockets.

Edited by preraph
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<snip> You should apologise to him for your mother's crazy, inappropriate behaviour.

No; it's not on one person to apologize for some other person's problems, issues and bad behaviour. That would be taking responsibility for something over which siren8272 had absolutely no control.

(The b/f should -- or does -- realize this, and that the only acceptable apology needs to come directly from the mother.)

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Thank you i left for a few minutes and had no idea she would do this. I mean if she had done that to me id be less surprised but to another person I never thought it :(

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