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Letting my sick father down gently


PoshPrincess

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Hi all

 

Would love your advice on this matter.

 

Last Christmas my father was diagnosed with cancer which we have since been told is terminal. We have all planned to spend Christmas together this year, my Mum (who is long since divorced from my Dad) included as it could potentially be his last one. He has not been given a time limit and is keeping very well at the moment so who knows? Finers crossed!

 

Anyway, my dilemma is this. My husband and I have planned to spend New Year (2 nights) away at a hotel with another couple, which is all booked, New Year's Eve dinner at a restaurant included. We don't normally do anything for New Year but it has been such an awful year that we thought we'd break with tradition. My Dad has somehow invited himself out with us for the dinner (the place we are staying is not far from his home town). I have no objection of course to spending some time with my Dad over that period, as well as the Christmas day/night we are already spending with him, but the couple we are going with are friends of my husbands, rather than mine, and don't even know my Dad. I love my Dad to bits and really don't want to hurt his feelings - he's always been very sociable with that "more the merrier" attitude so probably doesn't see it as an issue - but I really don't know what to do. I can't approach the other couple with this and can;'t ask my husband to do that. My Dad does have another option but it seems he would prefer to spend the evening with us. When he first mentioned it I just thought it would be a few drinks in the afternoon and was more than happy with that.

 

Any advice would be massively appreciated. Thanks

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Eternal Sunshine

Don't let your dad down. He is FAR more important that what the other couple may think or even be comfortable with. This seems like a no-brainer to me.

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Don't let your dad down. He is FAR more important that what the other couple may think or even be comfortable with. This seems like a no-brainer to me.

 

 

I lost my dad 2 years back ,

 

 

 

till date , though I used every single minute to see him while he was ill , I still regret every extra minute could have been with him .

 

 

hope he will get better , but you will know one day when you loose him that feeling i am talking about ....

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I don't understand why you can't have your husband let the other couple know. He definitely can. He can explain the situation a little or else just say his wife's father lives right there and you need to spend time with him and don't want him alone on New Years...whatever. There is no reason if it is a friend of your husbands he can't feel fine about telling them.

 

 

Think about if the tables were turned and the other couple brought their ailing father with them, would you have an issue or any less fun? Should they be afraid to tell you and if they told their dad no, would you feel bad that they did and say they should have let him come? You'd probably enjoy his company.

 

 

I have done lots of things when I was younger until I was older with friends that brought their parent(s) to events a parent wouldn't normally be at. Every time the parent seems to be the hit of the party and after that everyone always asks about the parent and is thrilled to see them again...like the couple you are going out with will have a birthday party and invite you and say, "Hey, do you think your dad would like to come?". I have friends I invite over and their parents are always welcome to pretty much anything we are doing and it's no big deal and adds to the fun.

 

 

Your dad is right, the more the merrier. Be happy to have a really fun night with him.

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Explain the situation to your friends. If they have half a heart, they’ll happily welcome him along.

 

I’m here to tell you that once a parent goes, there’s no getting it all back or having a do-over. You know your dad isn’t going to be around much longer. Every moment with him is precious. And can you imagine his deep fears and fright at knowing he has limited time?

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If your dad is "the more the merrier" type, he's probably social & gregarious. He will be a lovely dinner companion. Just let him come to the dinner.

 

If you say no & he doesn't come, you will be distraught next year when you can't have dinner with him. I lost my parents 6 years ago & miss them terribly. I'd give a lot to spend one more NYE with them.

 

Any kind person (this other couple) will not have an objection as long as they are not expected to foot the bill for dad's meal.

 

Let your "world's collide." It will be fine.

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Invite your dad, the more the merrier. If you don't, I think you'll feel guilty and wish you had the next day. Your friends will understand, especially if they know the circumstances.

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I would give anything to spend another holiday with my mother.

 

In this situation, my husbands friend's would not even begin to compete.

 

Best wishes. Spend as much time with your father as possible, you will never regret it!

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thefooloftheyear

I agree with the others...You will probably regret it and even though he will probably not show it, it will hurt his feelings...

 

Don't let him down...

 

TFY

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Hi all

 

Would love your advice on this matter.

 

Last Christmas my father was diagnosed with cancer which we have since been told is terminal. We have all planned to spend Christmas together this year, my Mum (who is long since divorced from my Dad) included as it could potentially be his last one. He has not been given a time limit and is keeping very well at the moment so who knows? Finers crossed!

 

Anyway, my dilemma is this. My husband and I have planned to spend New Year (2 nights) away at a hotel with another couple, which is all booked, New Year's Eve dinner at a restaurant included. We don't normally do anything for New Year but it has been such an awful year that we thought we'd break with tradition. My Dad has somehow invited himself out with us for the dinner (the place we are staying is not far from his home town). I have no objection of course to spending some time with my Dad over that period, as well as the Christmas day/night we are already spending with him, but the couple we are going with are friends of my husbands, rather than mine, and don't even know my Dad. I love my Dad to bits and really don't want to hurt his feelings - he's always been very sociable with that "more the merrier" attitude so probably doesn't see it as an issue - but I really don't know what to do. I can't approach the other couple with this and can;'t ask my husband to do that. My Dad does have another option but it seems he would prefer to spend the evening with us. When he first mentioned it I just thought it would be a few drinks in the afternoon and was more than happy with that.

 

Any advice would be massively appreciated. Thanks

 

 

As a caregiver, whose also lost my parents, I hope you see this as an opportunity to make some memories with your dad. Your friends will understand and possibly appreciate it for what it is, an opportunity to make a memory that I believe you'll treasure when he isn't here.

 

If they don't, then they're not friends.

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Mrs._December
I can't approach the other couple with this and can;'t ask my husband to do that.

Yes, you can ask your husband. If they're good enough friends of his that they wanted to spend New Year's Eve with you both, then they're good enough friends to understand that your dad would like to join you all for dinner and unfortunately, he's terminal and just wants to spend a little more time with you. Only a ghoul would say "absolutely no way!'

 

 

I'm telling you right now - don't blow your dad off because you'll live to regret it. I promise you, you will regret it. :(

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I don't understand how it's even a dilemma in your mind. Give your time to your dad, you have years ahead of you to catch with your friends, not your father.

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You might soon lose your Dad and will regret not taking him with you for the rest of your life. I can't image how the friends of your husband would even have an issue with this, unless they are absolutely heartless and lack grace.

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It seems the thread starter never returned after starting the thread, thread closed and if they want it re-opened then alert on my post and we will do so, thanks all who posted their advice.

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