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Boyfriend and his sister


Afrin

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I am in love with my man, we started living together and i am really serious about him. One thing is bothering me that he and his two sister plays board game and does not want me there, his sister says that its a sibling thing. I do feel left out and feel jelousy thinking that he is playing with his two sisters and smokes weed ... i do not feel good about it and i shared this with them. All i want is to come there too, but she is not okay with that. What do you think about this ? Am i not supposed to feel jelousy or his sister should think of inviting me as me and my bf is very close and serious. He says that it does not matter to him whether i come or not, its only once a week for few hours. I told him that if he plays withh his brother i dont think i will feel jelousy but with his sister and they all r young. Please share some thought.

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If he and his sibling bond over board games once a week I don't see a problem with them doing it alone. It gives you a chance to spend time alone with your friends and family. The fact that you are jealous of his young sisters is your problem as they are his sisters and will be in his life whether he ends up with you or not. If you act jealous of his sisters he is going to be turned off. I would.

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Haven't you ever had a good friend who then got a boyfriend and would never ever spend time alone with you again, so you never got to really talk?

 

Close people like some time alone with just the one they know and trust.

 

The good thing is this leaves the door open for you not to always invite his sister to things.

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Are you included in other things your BF does with his sisters? If so, then yes, for now you have to be OK with him doing this without you. You said the sisters are young. If that is true, they will probably mature. As they get BFs the dynamic will change. Be patient.

 

If it bugs you that much, as your BF to switch things up & invite the sisters to your house to play where you can be included too.

 

It's not healthy for any couple to have to everything together all the time. It's better that you each have interests & activities separate from each other. Use the time he's with his sisters to visit with your friends or family or just enjoy a little alone time.

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Do they invite you to other family events? I'm wondering if this is just a once a week thing for him and his siblings or if it's a bigger picture of them never wanting you around.

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Ok, so for some reason this siblings only night is very important to him and his sisters. It's unusual but it's not a terrible thing. I would only have a problem with it if his sisters were bringing their boyfriends along and only you were being excluded. Since its a siblings only thing an it's important to them I think you should respect the boundaries. If you try to force your way in it's only going to cause bad feelings and hostility.

 

You don't know that its' going to be forever. Hard to imagine them keeping this up once they start getting married and having kids. Just chill and let them enjoy their night.

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I think it's rude that you're not invited. The family should embrace you if the two of you are serious about one another. It may be that he's the one who doesn't want you there and he's blaming his sister. I can't imagine excluding a sibling's significant other in such a way.

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In the beginging he didnt but eventually he did. One of his sister is not mentally stable and very self centered. In the begining i thought he didnt, but eventually i talked to his sister over text seems like she is the one does not want me. I get it its cultural thing. I am still learning. I am really serious about him and we r from different culture. I am learning to adopt. I do so much for him, i can easily leave him and go out with other person, but i cant somehow. He told me today that he can not deal this kind of fight every week, so i decided to accept the fact i have to be okay with this and relax.

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So i have to be okay all my life about this. They will never invite me, i am always going to be uninvited. Is this practical?

This will not be an "all your life" situation - his sisters are going to grow up and find other people and different activities that they would rather spend their time on.

 

In the meantime, it is a good opportunity for you to learn to have better discernment over situations that are actually a threat to your romantic relationship,

versus those where you need to have a more balanced and reasonable view.

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ask yourself, do you really want to play that stupid game? or do you just want to be a part of the evening?

 

i;m not really "friends" with the people i work with. and at work, the talk about things they want to do together. in front of me. they don't invite me. which is okay because i don't want to go with them and can't think of anything more boring. and they really don't want me to come.

 

however. when they "check" with each other about where to meet and what time, and ask each other, "you're going right" they have asked me by mistake. when they ask me, i say, "i wasn't invited". i love the look on their faces. oops.

 

it got to the point where i told the hbic, if you promise to invite me, i promise to always say no.

 

uncomfortable situ, solved.

 

in the meantime, find something else to do. believe me, eventually one of them is going to find a boyfriend or get married and things will change.

Edited by Miss Clavel
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It's once per week. Since you are welcome in other areas, & the issue is with his young sister's self-centeredness, I think you will do well to let this game night go. Yes, it's rude but let the sister have the family time. Eventually as she matures things will change & you will come off as the better person for taking the high road (no pun on the pot smoking intended)

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I agree that it’s not worth breaking up over if the rest of the relationship is solid and healthy. Just don’t get in the habit of excusing bad behavior or things that go against your principles just because it’s a “cultural thing”. There are limits to that. I used to be married to someone from the UK and I’m from the US. There were some serious cultural differences between us that I never expected to deal with. However that’s not what broke us apart.

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I see nothing wrong with a 'only siblings' night. In my family we have 'only siblings' brunches so we can reconnect and speak of things that only concern us like the health of our parents, etc.

 

 

 

You said yourself it's only a couple of hours a week so why be fussy about it? I am sure you can find something else to do, I know I welcome every minute I can get to myself. Also if no one else is there why in the world would you want to be the ONLY one tagging along? You'd be like a guy wanting to follow his gf to a tupperware show, like c'mon! Let him breath!

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In the beginging he didnt but eventually he did. One of his sister is not mentally stable and very self centered. In the begining i thought he didnt, but eventually i talked to his sister over text seems like she is the one does not want me. I get it its cultural thing. I am still learning. I am really serious about him and we r from different culture. I am learning to adopt. I do so much for him, i can easily leave him and go out with other person, but i cant somehow. He told me today that he can not deal this kind of fight every week, so i decided to accept the fact i have to be okay with this and relax.

 

Why do you want to go? Is this a game that you really love?

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Enjoy your night off and just pamper yourself. It's no big deal. She just wants her brother to herself some. Like he said, she's self-centered. It sounds boring anyway.

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I do not have any family member and i like to be surrounded by people. We are together for 6 months including dating and living together. I understabd that i have to get over about this. I was married for 12 years and no kids. This year i seperated. Then i met him and i am deeply in love with him, cant think of breaking up. We already broke up like several times in 6 months, i struggle a lot with this relationship from the beginning and feel fear of break up. I do not handle break up very well. Somehow this relationship I feel too strong, never did so much for anyone like this before. I cant switch partner around it takes time for me to decide finally that i am not happy and need to move on with my life. I wish i have my family here and things might be much easier that way. I suffered a lot in life, its like i am a sponge and kept absorbing things all the time. But i was strong about my seperation but that took me like 12 years. I think its just the begining of our relationship, too emotional. It will take time i guess. He also has some kind of quick anger problem and sometimes he heard me saying things which i didnt even say. He thinks i said it and takes it negatively and get soo angry and start smashinng things and hurting himself. I used to do that like 8 years ago, breaking my laptop. But not anymore. You know its funny that whatever i did to my ex husband its happening to me. The way i used to behave with him exactly same way my current partner behaves. Its called Karma i think. I told my ex so many times that i am breaking up with him and he get stressed out, same thing happening at my present life. Not used to beleive this kind of thing before, but its happening. I am amazed!! And Now i act same as my ex towards my partner. Life !!!

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Do you work? Do you have work friends? It seems you build your life around men instead of yourself. Your relationship doesn't look stable since you say you guys have already broken up several times in 6 months. I think your bf wants to be alone with his sisters to get time away from your once a week. You need to make a life for yourself outside of your boyfriend. He is not your husband and you may end up alone so find some friends for support.

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