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Am I wrong to want to renegotiate the rent I'm paying my MIL after City inspection?


jennyjen

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So to start off, I had no idea it was illegal to have a converted garage. Someone reported my mother-in-law that she has people living in her garage (my husband and I), City inspection came and in preparation we had to move out for a day to make it seem like the garage is a storage. They said nothing about the garage, but she will have to get rid of the second restroom that out in the back porch (which was our restroom). So once that's done, City inspection will have to come back again, which means we will have to move back out again and back in after it's all done. In addition, we will now all be using one restroom, and my little sister in law who just started college is not an easy person to share space with.

 

My goal is to move out, my husband doesn't yet because his mom always needs financial help and she always emotionally manipulates him by saying she will not be able to make it when we move out. I know the day will come when I will have to decide if I want to keep waiting for her not to need him so we can move out together, or stay here forever, or leave on my own. However, I love him and I am not ready for such ultimatums yet. I want to be with my husband where he is now, which is at his mom's. I've been paying her $250 every month, which is not a lot in California.... but then again, it was for a garage. Now with this going on and with the fact that we won't even have our own restroom anymore, I would like to talk to her about paying lower rent. Perhaps $150 a month for living illegally in this little room? Am I wrong?

 

I talked with my husband about this. He told me I can talk to her, but she can also decide to rent the room to someone else. I told him how is she going to do that with everything that is going on and now getting rid of the restroom. He said after the second inspection they'll never come back and that if I don't want to pay, she will probably rent my side of the room to someone else (the garage is separated into two rooms by a wall). I don't think she will because when we were clearing everything up for the inspection, she seemed scared and told me she's never charged me rent, only accepted whatever I want to give her.... but when I moved in, we agreed rent would be $250, and in cash with no receipt, so she doesn't get taxed.

 

What do you guys think? Should I continue paying the same we agreed on when I first moved in and I had my own restroom, or can I negotiate lower rent?

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What do you value more: Peace, money or being right?

 

A roof over your head anywhere in California is worth $250 per month. If you move out, won't your rent jump to over $1000 per month? Can you find some value in the continued savings? Have you looked into what it would take to legally convert the garage to living space?

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I'm not local so I can't advise what is a reasonable amount to pay, but a price comparison would help. How much would you expect to pay per month for one bedroom in a share house in your area?

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What do you value more: Peace, money or being right?

 

A roof over your head anywhere in California is worth $250 per month. If you move out, won't your rent jump to over $1000 per month? Can you find some value in the continued savings? Have you looked into what it would take to legally convert the garage to living space?

 

I’d happily pay more for my own privacy and my own restroom. I’ve done it before. My point here is that since now I won’t even have a restroom, I could negotiate lower rent.

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Then negotiate away. It is fair because you were paying $250 for something that included a bathroom. In the absence of that which you had been paying for, since you are now getting less, the rent should be reduced.

 

Just tread lightly. She is still your husband's mother AND there is a reason he is making you the bad guy here. Be careful. Personally, I'd make him negotiate with her.

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I'm not local so I can't advise what is a reasonable amount to pay, but a price comparison would help. How much would you expect to pay per month for one bedroom in a share house in your area?

 

I was paying $630 for a studio of similar size before I moved in here, but it included privacy and not having to make small talk with an extended family every morning while making my coffee.

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Then negotiate away. It is fair because you were paying $250 for something that included a bathroom. In the absence of that which you had been paying for, since you are now getting less, the rent should be reduced.

 

Just tread lightly. She is still your husband's mother AND there is a reason he is making you the bad guy here. Be careful. Personally, I'd make him negotiate with her.

 

I agree. No, he said I have to be the one to talk to her. Which is fine because I’m way better at communicating these issues than he is. He, on the other hand, has trouble saying no when she needs money, but he’ll get drunk and vent to me that his family thinks he’s an ATM.

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I was paying $630 for a studio of similar size before I moved in here, but it included privacy and not having to make small talk with an extended family every morning while making my coffee.

 

I hear you. This is why I asked about the price of a room in a share house. I'm trying to compare like with like.

 

Thing is, if you were already paying below market value for what you had before the inspection, then you can't really negotiate down further.

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I hear you. This is why I asked about the price of a room in a share house. I'm trying to compare like with like.

 

Thing is, if you were already paying below market value for what you had before the inspection, then you can't really negotiate down further.

 

I see. But now I won’t have my own restroom, which I did when I first moved in. And I can sense even she’s afraid because that week when we were preparing for inspection to come, she told me that she never charged me rent, only takes what I can give (probably because she was afraid of the inspector knowing she has tenants)..... but I have paid her the $250 faithfully since the beginning because that’s what she asked for.

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I see. But now I won’t have my own restroom, which I did when I first moved in. And I can sense even she’s afraid because that week when we were preparing for inspection to come, she told me that she never charged me rent, only takes what I can give (probably because she was afraid of the inspector knowing she has tenants)..... but I have paid her the $250 faithfully since the beginning because that’s what she asked for.

 

Your question is about whether or not you can renegotiate your rent. It really comes down to whether or not you're now paying above market value for what you've got.

 

If you were paying below market value for the room when it had a bathroom, then I suggest you consider that as a gift on her behalf and now continue paying what it's actually worth or $250 - which ever is smaller.

 

Or move out.

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I hear you. This is why I asked about the price of a room in a share house. I'm trying to compare like with like.

 

Thing is, if you were already paying below market value for what you had before the inspection, then you can't really negotiate down further.

 

Another important point in the equation is that I’m not here because I want to. I’m here because I’m married to her son who lives here because she always bit**es that she can’t make it on her own and needs his help.

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Just leave it alone. Obviously, the whole thing is unofficial and $250 isn’t worth haggling over. If your husband wants to support his mom, then why not do that no matter where you guys live? Personally, I wouldn’t be ok with living under those conditions and things would need to change quickly. For me, the solution would be to find a place to live that you can afford while continuing to help his mom out financially.

 

Just as a side note, I’m astounded that California would have such a law. A person’s property is their property and it’s really none of their business what the owner does with their garage. The people running CA have to be the most ignorant, irrational group I’ve ever heard of. I wouldn’t live in that state if they paid me. It’s overrun with morons.

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Just leave it alone. Obviously, the whole thing is unofficial and $250 isn’t worth haggling over. If your husband wants to support his mom, then why not do that no matter where you guys live? Personally, I wouldn’t be ok with living under those conditions and things would need to change quickly. For me, the solution would be to find a place to live that you can afford while continuing to help his mom out financially.

 

Just as a side note, I’m astounded that California would have such a law. A person’s property is their property and it’s really none of their business what the owner does with their garage. The people running CA have to be the most ignorant, irrational group I’ve ever heard of. I wouldn’t live in that state if they paid me. It’s overrun with morons.

 

Lol, everything you say about California is true, but that’s another topic. Lol.

 

We can’t afford to be able to have our own place AND help his mom. It’s one or the other. He can’t have two families. He shouldn’t have gotten married if he’s not ready for that. But oh well, we’re married and that’s a choice I will have to make down the line— leave with or without him. I’m not ready to do that yet so I’m being flexible and staying here with him. However, the least that i feel could happen is get lower rent.

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Guys, I know I’ve given a lot of rebuttals to almost every reply, but your replies have given me a lot of food for thought. I really FEEL I should pay lower rent for all the reasons already mentioned, but I want to do the rational thing, not go by feeling.

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The thing is, the two of you being there isn’t just about the rent. It’s about helping out his mother. Lowering your rent will be just another burden for her to shoulder right after getting hammered by the morons of the state. As long as you’re there, I wouldn’t talk about lowering rent. And do everyone a favor by not being resentful about it or murmuring comments about it under your breath. You’re helping out a family member - plain and simple.

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The thing is, the two of you being there isn’t just about the rent. It’s about helping out his mother. Lowering your rent will be just another burden for her to shoulder right after getting hammered by the morons of the state. As long as you’re there, I wouldn’t talk about lowering rent. And do everyone a favor by not being resentful about it or murmuring comments about it under your breath. You’re helping out a family member - plain and simple.

 

I agree with you. What you said about not haggling over $250. But the part about her needing help.... it’s not that. It’s that she doesn’t know how to be frugal. She says she needs help all while going to casinos and buying expensive gifts when she goes to a family party to keep up appearances. That’s what angers me. I was thinking if I pay her less she could start getting used to making wiser choices about money.

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I agree with you. What you said about not haggling over $250. But the part about her needing help.... it’s not that. It’s that she doesn’t know how to be frugal. She says she needs help all while going to casinos and buying expensive gifts when she goes to a family party to keep up appearances. That’s what angers me. I was thinking if I pay her less she could start getting used to making wiser choices about money.

 

Ok, well I didn’t know that part of the story. Still, if you make waves, you’ll be the bad guy. You have to decide if you want to go down that road.

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Ok, well I didn’t know that part of the story. Still, if you make waves, you’ll be the bad guy. You have to decide if you want to go down that road.

 

Yes, you’re absolutely right. That’s why I left my ex husband. He wouldn’t want to leave his mom’s so I got tired and left on my own. I don’t want to get to that point just yet, but I’m not afraid to do it again if I have to.

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Yes, you’re absolutely right. That’s why I left my ex husband. He wouldn’t want to leave his mom’s so I got tired and left on my own. I don’t want to get to that point just yet, but I’m not afraid to do it again if I have to.

 

Interesting. You keep attracting the mana’s boys. You might want to ask yourself what that’s about.

 

I’m very close to my son and his gf jokes that when he comes to visit me, he suddenly becomes impaired and wants me to do things for him. It’s pretty funny. Like I’ll buy his favorite candy while he’s here, or he’ll want me to get him something to drink. But in his everyday life, my son is a hard worker, treats his gf like a queen, and he wouldn’t dream of putting his relationship with his gf in jeopardy over me — unless she was being unreasonable. In other words, a mom and son can be close without it being co-dependent.

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Er. This is really weird, or you haven't given the whole picture to us.

Help me understand.

 

- Are you saying that you live in one small room in half the garage, and your husband lives separately in the other half of the garage?

 

- Are you saying that you pay $250/month, and your husband also pays $250/month?

 

- Are you saying that your husband told you that if your mother-in-law pushes you out of your half of the garage, he will stay in his half and you will be homeless? What the ****?

 

I hope I misinterpreted something.

 

If you answer yes to what I wrote above, then you are stuck. Your husband is making his mother's best interest a high priority, and your marriage a low priority. If that is the case, you will lose any disagreement that puts you against his mother's interest. So, in that case, no, you cannot negotiate your rent lower.

 

You didn't ask how you should address the imbalanced priorities with your husband, so I won't comment on that except to say I think that is where the real issue lies.

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Interesting. You keep attracting the mana’s boys. You might want to ask yourself what that’s about.

 

I’m very close to my son and his gf jokes that when he comes to visit me, he suddenly becomes impaired and wants me to do things for him. It’s pretty funny. Like I’ll buy his favorite candy while he’s here, or he’ll want me to get him something to drink. But in his everyday life, my son is a hard worker, treats his gf like a queen, and he wouldn’t dream of putting his relationship with his gf in jeopardy over me — unless she was being unreasonable. In other words, a mom and son can be close without it being co-dependent.

 

That sounds sweet and balanced in your case. I have asked myself how I ended up in the same situation for my second marriage, and you are right, wonder why I attract mamma’s boys. This case is different, though. My ex husband was more dependent on his mother. He wasn’t helping her, she was helping us. In this case, it’s the opposite; my husband contributes a lot to the house. I just wish this was happening in OUR own place, even if it was a tiny apartment. Sigh.

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Er. This is really weird, or you haven't given the whole picture to us.

Help me understand.

 

- Are you saying that you live in one small room in half the garage, and your husband lives separately in the other half of the garage?

 

- Are you saying that you pay $250/month, and your husband also pays $250/month?

 

- Are you saying that your husband told you that if your mother-in-law pushes you out of your half of the garage, he will stay in his half and you will be homeless? What the ****?

 

I hope I misinterpreted something.

 

If you answer yes to what I wrote above, then you are stuck. Your husband is making his mother's best interest a high priority, and your marriage a low priority. If that is the case, you will lose any disagreement that puts you against his mother's interest. So, in that case, no, you cannot negotiate your rent lower.

 

You didn't ask how you should address the imbalanced priorities with your husband, so I won't comment on that except to say I think that is where the real issue lies.

 

-We both live in the garage, but I brought all of my stuff to my side of the garage. We can go into each other’s room any time. We spend most of the time on his side because he has the TV and all the electronics. He snores really loud so after we spend quality time and we’re ready for sleep, I often end up going to my side. I have a bed of my own for this purpose, which I also brought back from my studio.

 

-I pay $250/month as rent. He pays the water and power bill for the whole house, which is about $400-$500 a month. So yeah, on bad months he pays what I pay. Plus the additional random help she needs, such as money for groceries that he doesn’t even eat, or for his sister’s college.

 

-He said if my mother-in-law pushes me out of my half of the garage, I’ll have to stay in his half, and he knows I can’t sleep with him on most nights.

 

SO... you are saying I am right to want lower rent than it already is now that I won’t even have my own restroom... but can’t negotiate it because my husband didn’t seem supportive about it? How do I address that imbalance of priorities in his part? What would you do?

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She's not paying taxes on your rent. So, assume a 30% tax rate. Offer her $175 instead of what you're paying now. It's about what she'd end up with if she had to pay tax on it.

 

And it sounds really logical. :). Good luck!

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What would you do?

I would tell my husband that I don't want to be living in an illegal garage any more and if he doesn't do something about it then I will be finding a proper, legal residence without him.

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You pay 250 a month rent and you want to lower it and take money from your MIL.

 

You should thank you lucky stars your MIL ALLOWS you to live there and not charge you more.

You should also learn to be nicer to people who are helping you.

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