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She can't accept that she's adopted. How to console her?


boyfriend143

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My girlfriend just found out that her dad isn’t her real dad. Her biological mom cheated on her adoptive father and left her in his care. According to her dad’s journal, her mom just up and left when she was barely a year old. She confirmed this with her maternal aunt and grandmother to which they didn't deny. They said that her mom wasn’t the best wife, nor was she the best mother. I understand that this is hard for her to accept especially with the recent passing of her adoptive father.

 

She says she feels like a different person, someone she doesn’t even know.

She’s very grateful for all that her dad did, but a part of her still wants answers. Why did her mom leave? Who is her real father? Her whole life, she was deprived of the truth. The recent changes makes her feel like a foreign individual in the home that she grew up in. How do I console my gf? I want to be there for her but I don’t know how.

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Just listen. Don't try to fix this. You can't. Listen while she sorts it all out. If she choses to travel to meet bio parents, offer to go with her for safety's sake. Other than that, just listen. Don't judge. Don't comment. Let her be free to feel what's she's feeling while she processes.

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Suggest she meets with a therapist to help her navigate through it. I have a friend who learn at 45 his dad wasn't his bio dad, but he was the bio dad of all his siblings, it took him a couple of years to deal with it all.

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She says she feels like a different person, someone she doesn’t even know.

 

She’s very grateful for all that her dad did, but a part of her still wants answers. Why did her mom leave? Who is her real father?

 

Confusing set of circumstances. She thought her adoptive father was her bio dad? With her mom gone, who besides her dad raised her? Did she have a relationship with her mom as she was growing up?

 

It takes an extraordinary man, having been cheated on and abandoned by his wife, to raise another man's child alone, might be the ultimate act of love. You should point this out to your GF.

 

On a side note, I'm not a big fan of going through a deceased's journals, diaries and private papers. We all deserve our privacy, even from the grave...

 

Mr. Lucky

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She still has aunts and grandparents, and they are who have the answers, so she needs to go back to them for more details. Sounds like alcohol or drugs to me. But kind of depends how old her mom was when she had her.

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