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How to tell a difficult truth to my familly without losing them


movingforward400

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movingforward400

My parents are gone and so is my husband. I'm a widow at 60 so I have 2 adult kids and sisters/bros in law with their kids. That's what my family is and needless to say, it is critical to stay close even though everyone lives out of town except my adult son.

 

 

I had dated someone for 2 years who they all really liked and thought I could build a future with; and so did I until I realized he was too "attached" to his old house 80 miles away and didn't want to sell until retirement (about 3 years from now). I work full time like him, so I broke up and was very disappointed. My sisters and son have been telling me to wait for him to come back but I know that's a waste of time.

 

 

I went on a dating site and reconnected with a prior bf - we had been on and off but he has really worked out his life out so he is in a good place (which is why I broke up with him). However, he did serve time 12 yrs. ago but has rebuilt his life, gotten a new career, etc. He certainly isn't well off like my prior bf nor does he has a good nest egg like me, but we really missed each other and I have fallen back in love with him; I know he has always loved me and my kids.

 

 

I'm not living him yet b/c I want to make sure the "changes" are for real but in Sept. I'm renting a beach house for me and my kids. Before I broke up with the prior bf, I invited my sister and her husband to stay a few days. I hid my relationship with him from my sisters b/c they live far away and I wanted to see how it worked out before "taking a chance".

 

 

I know my sister and husband are very judgmental, so how do I break the news? I'm afraid they won't come and won't talk to me. I understand they will be freaked out about his past and if he is using me for $, but I know the truth is different.

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but in Sept. I'm renting a beach house for me and my kids.

 

How much will the new BF be there?

 

You don't give exact dates but, piecing together a timeline, seems this new relationship is moving very quickly. Were I someone who cared about you, I'd indeed have concerns - "dating an broke ex-con for a short period of time and he's moving in" would raise some alarms.

 

So after I told them, might have the BF over for a get-acquainted beach house dinner - nothing more. And I'd proceed slowly from there.

 

Hope it turns out well...

 

Mr. Lucky

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What did he "do time" for 12 years for? It matters. Even if he's supposedly rehabilitated.

 

 

 

He has no money. You do. It matters.

 

 

Don't make life changing decisions because you're desperate.

 

 

Make good choices.

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I like Mr. Lucky's response. Also, start easing mentions of the boyfriend into your conversations with your family now and gauge how they react.

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Seems to me that you posted this story just a couple of weeks ago under a different user name.

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/659788-living-double-life-years#post7595559

 

Based on this thread I would say just don't mention the relationship to your family until you know for sure that this is going to be a serious thing. If your sister is only going to be there a few days why even bring it up?

 

However if you are the author of the other thread and with the additional info of this guy being an ex con, I still think the odds of this being a good relationship are slim to none. Not just because he did jail time but because you two have a history of breaking up and he is irresponsible. I doubt he has changed all that much and I think you're judgement is clouded. I kind of think you are keeping the relationship secret because you don't want to hear any objective opinions that may force you to take off the rose tinted glasses.

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amaysngrace

Why did he go to jail?

 

It sounds like something bad if he did a 12 year stretch.

 

Whatever you do don't move him into your house. Next thing you know you'll be married, he'll help himself to half and your nest egg and home equity will suffer.

 

May as well hire a younger stud for companionship with your money. Be smart.

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If Anika is right, and you are the same OP, you've posted at least three different threads using different user names and you selectively add or take away from the facts presented in each thread.

 

Don't keep begging for reasons to stay with men who are bad for you.

 

Ok, that being said, I understand you are just trying to figure out how to proceed with what you have decided, so I did respond to that earlier. But please don't keep creating new user names - continue on with your story and ask new questions, it gives everyone a better basis for answering your questions and doesn't leave us feeling like we're being played. I understand it's frustrating to have past posts overshadow what your current question is. But some of us WILL actually answer what you're asking.

Edited by Finding my way
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