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My Mom Ruined My Birthday


ReallyDarlingReally

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ReallyDarlingReally

My mom asked me, 5 days prior, what I would like for my Birthday. I told her I would like a cake and some great food. I don't want to try any new food or new food places on my birthday because I'd rather have what I know is good. She advised a place and I agreed.

 

My birthday Cake order was put in a day early. On the day the cake was suppose to be picked up, my mom told me I would have to get it. No problem, except I hate when she tells me things last minute. She told me i would have to pick up the cake after I text her about the cake. If I had never contacted her about the cake, I wouldn't have known to pick it up.

 

I picked up the cake. Which wasn't how we agreed the cake would be but whatever non the less it's still mainly the cake I wanted. So i ignored that it was basically a wrong order measurements wise and quote on the cake wise.

 

After I got home, My mom and I are texting back and forth about the food she is going to pick up. Then, my sister and I talked about the food also. When the food arrives, I walk outside to help bring it in. As I am taking the food out of the bag, I noticed it looked different from the last time we've had it. As I am doing this my mom says how she's always wanted to try this place and that's where she got the food from.

 

Instantly, i got annoyed. I specifically said no new food from new places.I wanted what we agreed on. Then she says the other place was too far. I then said to her why would she recommend a place that she had no intentions of going to. Why didn't she just ask me would I like something else? Now I'm left with all of this food to eat that i didn't want.

 

At this point I became so frustrated, I locked myself into the bathroom and cried. I didn't know what to do. I have anxiety really bad and she knows this. I don't understand why she did this. This has also happened for a previous birthday. Two to be exact. (NO NOT ALL OF MY BIRTHDAYS)

 

One birthday, I needed a fan really bad because the rooms close to the attic get really hot. She interpreted it like I wanted a fan for my birthday. I never said that. I asked for that fan 7 months prior to my birthday.

 

The other one, we were talking about these new donuts that Krispy Kreme had and I told her I'd like to TRY ONE. She interpreted it as I wanted two dozen donuts with strawberry icing and sprinkles and then complained that she had to drive 3hrs to get them. I never asked for those donuts, Even my brother told her he doesn't think that's what I wanted but she got them any way. So I was left to eat half of those donuts.

 

After I cried, She left to go get the food I initially wanted. I wanted that food before she went and got the other food I didn't ask for. Now I'm left with all of this food and there's no way I am able to eat all of this myself. She didn't even ask me if I still wanted the food. She just went and got it. I didn't know she did that until I came out of the bathroom crying. I cried for hours, I came out of the bathroom after she went to sleep and that's when I discovered the food. No matter how many times I say, you've got to start telling me things, don't assume, don't substitute and don't inform me at the last minute, she just doesn't listen.

 

I was upset about the fact that we did all of that planning just for her to plan what she wants. That really hurt my feelings. I don't know how to move on from this. I really just want to forget this day.

 

How do I go about this to her? I don't know what to say or what to do.

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How old are you? Crying for hours over food sounds ridiculous to me. From reading your post, you sound like you are still a child or very young teen. Is that the case?

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My son is autistic and I can easily imagine him reacting like you did. Making very specific food requests and getting really distressed if it goes wrong. I don't suppose you're on the autism spectrum too? It's just that your reaction is so extreme that I can't think of any other cause.

 

Anyway, you don't mention this to your mother. Instead, you get yourself to a psychologist and learn some coping skills for when things don't turn out as expected.

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donotmicrowave

Jesus..

 

Be grateful. Your mom is a diamond for picking up new food when you started throwing a fit. "I have anxiety" is not really an excuse for locking yourself up in a bathroom and crying for hours over food, till your mother gives in and does what you want - get other food (I have dealt with severe anxiety issues, I do know).

 

I'm sorry, but what you did was very childish.

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Errr, you do realize that you're not ENTITLED to a birthday celebration at all, right? Much less one that is tweaked 100% to your specific desires?

 

Yes, I can understand feeling a little bit disappointed, but frankly it's not the HUGE deal that you're making it out to be. I second the suggestions for professional help.

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This is the problem with expectations, you are often left disappointed.

 

I most certainly would have been disappointed not to have my favorite food for my birthday. It would not have made me cry or become this upset.

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Sorry your birthday was an unhappy one but I think your mom tried to do her best for you. We all get anxious at times so it isn't just a special condition that some people have and others don't. It is a matter of learning how to cope with it in an adult manner. I don't know how old you are but the good news is when you move out of your parents house you can get what you want to eat and do whatever you want on your birthdays.

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My goodness, how old are you? On my 16th birthday, I had to sit school exams and my parents went away on holiday and left me home alone to make my own birthday dinner. I didn't shed a single tear. I think you need to harden up, I'd hate to see how you react to a serious disappointment.

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Besides whatever "issues" may be going on here as others have mentioned, I think the problem is she feels it was her day and that she should have some control over it but her mom instead did whatever she wanted, making her feel like her opinion doesn't matter to her.

 

I think the adult equivalent would be if on my birthday, whoever took me out chose a place to eat that was to their taste rather than to mine. Some would say, But your friend paid, so it's their choice. Others are in my camp: My birthday, my choice.

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If you're not 10 years old, then you are massively over-reacting. No one is owed a birthday celebration. The fact that your mother did make an effort for you deserved a much more appreciative reaction than you have given. One day your mother wont be there; what will you do then? A birthday is nothing more than an excuse to have a cake/party/meal out with friends or family. If you insist on making it more than that, you will be very disappointed for the rest of your life.

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Your mother pretty much ignored everything you asked for or wanted. I'm uncertain why she asked you anything in the first place. Does she do this often, make you feel like your opinion doesn't matter?

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please, posters are exaggerating. she isn't being entitled or a brat. she just wanted food from a familiar place. not a BMW and money raining from the sky.

 

everyone is calling you entitled, but in my opinion ur mom is taking ur special day and making it about her. how selfish. she could have taken what you wanted for your special day into consideration. even though the reaction on your end was a bit extreme with crying in the bathroom, i think ur mom is very inconsiderate. its ur bday, not hers, and went out of her way to plan it the way she wanted it even after she asked you.

 

if ur gonna just throw a celebration ur way (ie, having the foods you like, instead of what your child wanted) why even bother having a party for your child or asking them what they want. just throw one for yourself. sure op isn't entitled to a party, but she shouldn't have to do things on her special day that make her uncomfortable (like eating new food), even though that is what her mom wanted.

 

op, next time. tell ur mom that you appreciate her efforts, but if she wants to throw a party for you that you would like it if she brought you the food just like you wanted. if i were you, i would tell my mom not to throw me a party if she isn't going to listen to my requests. i rather have nothing, then be forced to pretend to enjoy something i explicitly said i did not want.

Edited by HiCrunchy
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I get that you were disappointed but come on . . . she tried. If food from that place was so important to you , then you should have gotten it. Even though you didn't want a fan or 2 dozen donuts, your mother did listen when you expressed desires & she made an effort to meet your expectations. Be grateful you got that much.

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Besides whatever "issues" may be going on here as others have mentioned, I think the problem is she feels it was her day and that she should have some control over it but her mom instead did whatever she wanted, making her feel like her opinion doesn't matter to her.

 

I think the adult equivalent would be if on my birthday, whoever took me out chose a place to eat that was to their taste rather than to mine. Some would say, But your friend paid, so it's their choice. Others are in my camp: My birthday, my choice.

 

Yep basically

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RecentChange

You know.... There is a great way to not have any bad birthdays! It's an easy trick!

 

Don't place expectations on birthdays. Really. It truly is just another day. The universe doesn't give a damn about the date on the calendar, and if you don't either...I promise you won't be disappointed.

 

I might come off as a big meanie here (wouldn't be the first time) - but let's be honest about people who make a big stink about their birthday.

 

They seem to believe that they are entitled to a day when everyone should celebrate them, shower them with gifts and attention, dinners, parties etc - because? They are such a special little snow flake that everyone should throw a party for them? It's time to grow up. To me, big birthday parties are for 5 year olds.

 

The adults I know who have fun birthday gatherings, use it as an excuse to bring their friends together so EVERYONE can have fun. It's not all about the very special princess birthday girl.

 

I let go of the birthday expectations in elementary school - and oh my gosh, let me tell you. NO REGRETS!!! Years that I didn't do anything for my birthday, no big deal, zero disappointment. The years I did have a party or get gifts? My goodness! Wonderful surprise.

 

You think your birthday was bad? Last year my mother died the day before my birthday. My husband was laid off on my birthday. Oh and family wasn't in my city, nor was my husband. Believe me, there were no pitty parties about the wrong cake. I did take myself out and appreciate being alive and grateful for what I have though.

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Besides whatever "issues" may be going on here as others have mentioned, I think the problem is she feels it was her day and that she should have some control over it but her mom instead did whatever she wanted, making her feel like her opinion doesn't matter to her.

 

I think the adult equivalent would be if on my birthday, whoever took me out chose a place to eat that was to their taste rather than to mine. Some would say, But your friend paid, so it's their choice. Others are in my camp: My birthday, my choice.

 

Would you then stomp off to the bathroom and cry for hours until everyone had gone home and the resturaunt had closed? It's funny that you posted an example of an adult equivalent because it shows you feel the poster is a child or teen, yet by reading the OPs posts on other threads it appears she is most likely an adult.

 

Had this poster simply stated that she was upset because her mother didn't abide by her wishes and asked for advice on how to talk to her mom about that she probably would have been given some helpful suggestions but when she started talking about crying in the bathroom for hours, complained about being given a fan once,complaining about being given 12 donuts instead of one, weirdly suggesting that she was somehow expected to eat all of the donuts and all of the food, people became somewhat critical.

 

Here's the thing. I've dealt with people who are prone to hysterics and way over the top dramatic behaviour like crying in the bathroom for hours. When they tell a story about something that upset them they twist it so much that it's nowhere near the actual truth and doesn't match anyone else's memory of the event. They make up or take away details to support their narrative of constant victim hood When people act in such exaggerated ways they usually talk in hyperbole too.

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Personally, I think both are good points...

 

If it is my birthday, I would most certainly like to chose the restaurant/food. That has always been the tradition in my family. I don't think OP is wrong to be disappointed that her mother made the decision to get something she did not want/was not expecting on her birthday.

 

However, with wisdom and maturity most people come to learn that to become this upset is wasted emotional energy. It's better to manage your expectations and it's important to pick your battles... I'm sure, your mom loves you and she did try to do something nice for your birthday (although, misguided). Is all this emotional energy and upset really worth looking like a child throwing a tantrum and damaging the relationship with your mother - all because of a dinner, on what is just another day in your life? It wouldn't be for me...

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Besides whatever "issues" may be going on here as others have mentioned, I think the problem is she feels it was her day and that she should have some control over it but her mom instead did whatever she wanted, making her feel like her opinion doesn't matter to her.

 

I think the adult equivalent would be if on my birthday, whoever took me out chose a place to eat that was to their taste rather than to mine. Some would say, But your friend paid, so it's their choice. Others are in my camp: My birthday, my choice.

 

 

There's a big difference between just feeling disappointed (which may be normal) but still behaving like an adult... and behaving like a 4-year-old child with temper tantrums.

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[]You're complaining because your mommy bought you too much food?

 

Not only are you flipping out because you got the wrong food, you're also overreacting because there is too much food because your mother went out AGAIN to please you. []

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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Did anyone read the opening post? Her mother was the one that suggested the specific restaurant, not the opening poster. Why suggest and then claim it was too far away? The mother's behavior was one of passive aggressiveness, agreeing to do things, then doing other things. This type of behavior isn't acceptable to anyone. Imagine a lifetime of this type of parental behavior, asking for opinions, appearing to agree, then disregarding them, doing something else entirely.

 

The better way would have been to ask for the child's general opinion for her birthday, then state what's feasible to the mother and following through with it.

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I completely agree with you there.^ A child doesn't start throwing tantrums about too much food or what restaurant to eat at unless the parent(s) is a nutjob too and not all that great at parenting!

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Did anyone read the opening post? Her mother was the one that suggested the specific restaurant, not the opening poster. Why suggest and then claim it was too far away? The mother's behavior was one of passive aggressiveness, agreeing to do things, then doing other things. This type of behavior isn't acceptable to anyone. Imagine a lifetime of this type of parental behavior, asking for opinions, appearing to agree, then disregarding them, doing something else entirely.

 

The better way would have been to ask for the child's general opinion for her birthday, then state what's feasible to the mother and following through with it.

 

 

Why do you refer to the OP as a child? The OP is NOT a child, the OP has stated in her other posts that she has been having sex. If she is indeed 8 years of age, there is a far bigger problem here than birthdays! :eek:

 

So please no child hypotheticals. Adults are not entitled to even live with mum and dad, let alone have mum throw a birthday bash for them, let alone have that birthday bash be 100% in line with what they want. All of that is a FAVOUR, not an entitlement! :confused: Perhaps mum's behaviour might be annoying, sure. In that case, move out, make friends, and celebrate your birthday with friends.

 

 

She is only the victim because she makes herself out to be one.

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Did anyone read the opening post? Her mother was the one that suggested the specific restaurant, not the opening poster. Why suggest and then claim it was too far away? The mother's behavior was one of passive aggressiveness, agreeing to do things, then doing other things. This type of behavior isn't acceptable to anyone. Imagine a lifetime of this type of parental behavior, asking for opinions, appearing to agree, then disregarding them, doing something else entirely.

 

The better way would have been to ask for the child's general opinion for her birthday, then state what's feasible to the mother and following through with it.

 

We read the opening post. The poster is not a child. She travels alone to other cities to meet men.

 

Most agree that the mom was somewhat in the wrong for not following through with the original plan, however the OP reaction is ridiculous. She says they agreed to a specific type of food from a specific place. OP says her mom got the food from a different place, but not that she got the wrong food. So I'm guessing they had planned on something like Chinese food and that on the day of her birthday her mom got it from a different place for whatever reason but I suspect she was under the impression that the most important detail was that it needed to be Chinese food not that it absolutely had to be from a specific place.

 

If I said to someone I want Chinese food from that place on 4th street and they brought me Chinese food from somewhere else I might be momentarily annoyed that I didn't get what I asked for to my exact specifications (nobody should expect that anything in life will be exactly what they demand) but since it's still the Chinese food I asked for,I would still sit down and give it a try. There's a good possibility that it wouldn't be much different than the food I asked for or I might discover it's even better. In any case it's only a freaking meal that I'll be crapping out the next morning, it's not something I'll I have to suffer through for weeks or months.

 

The OP also says her mom ruined two other birthdays. One by buying her a fan and another by buying her too many of the wrong donuts. So what about all of her other birthdays? I guess mom got those birthdays right by meeting the OPs every demand, but I guess the other 15 plus birthdays that the mom made the OP happy don't count?

 

Where do people get this idea that they should be able to dictate exactly how people should celebrate their birthday? I guess it's different in every family but in mine that would not be acceptable. If I went up to my parents and started saying "I want this food, and this kind of cake and here's what I want the cake to say, etc" my stepdad would have blown a gasket and told me I'm disrespectful and I'm going to get nothing. I was expected to always be gracious and show gratitude whenever someone did anything for me or purchased any gift for me.

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There's a big difference between just feeling disappointed (which may be normal) but still behaving like an adult... and behaving like a 4-year-old child with temper tantrums.

 

Yes, Elswyth nailed it. So her birthday wasn't everything she wanted? Suck it up buttercup and be thankful for what WAS done for you. Your mom didn't have to do anything for you.

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