confused_gf Posted June 30, 2018 Share Posted June 30, 2018 So basically, I grew up knowing that I was a mistake. My parents were never married and I am not even sure what the nature of their relationship was. My mom was/is emotionally unstable and broke her back to provide the bare necessities for me. My father only came around to take me on outings occasionally and then went back to gallivanting around with other women, making more children, and doing whatever he pleased. My Dad says my mom is insane, my mom says my Dad is a deadbeat. I had to hear these type of things non stop since I was a kid on top of dealing with my mothers untreated bipolar disorder and sleazy boyfriends. Truly draining. Obviously, I never excelled in school but I did everything I could to get into college as I was told that was my only hope. Well, turns out it just buried me in debt as I had no idea who I was or what I wanted to accomplish in life. I just went to escape my past. This plus a string of bad relationships and I ended up having a nervous breakdown about 4 years ago. 4 years later and I am still hanging on by a thread. I just left my moms house because she keeps trying to have me committed for absolutely no reason at all. She will call the police on me for absolutely no reason and give them any reason to take me away to the mental facility. That happened four times in the past two years. So I'm at my dads. Not as scary as being with my mom, but still not ideal. He is pushy, overbearing, and doesn't miss a beat telling me how pathetic I am. The other night he told me he doesn't even recognize me as his daughter and that he has pretty much given up on me and I will have nowhere turn to if I make any more mistakes. So essentially, I am 28, female, buried in debt, no car, little to no support system, living off social security. My skin is a nightmare from stress and I can't even imagine starting a family. When I try to introduce my guy friends to my father he just starts yelling or smirks and wonders why anyone would be interested in me. He seems to enjoy dragging my self esteem through the mud. Relunctantly, I have put a deposit down on a room with roommates out of state. I would be walking and taking the bus. I am so nervous that something will go wrong, or I will run out of money, or end up on the street. Any thoughts? I'm not even sure if this will make any sense to anyone normal...but thanks anyways... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 30, 2018 Share Posted June 30, 2018 Relunctantly, I have put a deposit down on a room with roommates out of state. I would be walking and taking the bus. I am so nervous that something will go wrong, or I will run out of money, or end up on the street. Any thoughts? I'm not even sure if this will make any sense to anyone normal...but thanks anyways... Kudos to you for taking these steps. If no one's in your corner, you have to look within. What's missing from your post is the pride you should be taking in fighting to make it this far. Sounds like you're on the right path. Henry Ford famously said “Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you're right.” I think you can... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 30, 2018 Share Posted June 30, 2018 Do you have a budget? If not make one. Make sure it includes a plan for savings as well as debt reduction. Do you have a plan? Make one. Figure out who you want to be when you grow up & write out the steps you need to accomplish that. Not everybody has to be a college educated professional. Consider learning a trade if that is more interesting to you. Meanwhile work hard . . .2 jobs if you must to get that debt paid off. Having a purpose will help. Working toward a goal even if that is to be financially independent / debt free will give you a sense of accomplishment. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 Getting away from your parents entirely will be the best thing for you. They are bad on your self-esteem, sounds like especially your dad, but your mom isn't exactly a shining beacon of hope either. Like she ^ said, make the move and get one full-time job and one part-time job for your days off. A good part-time job is waitressing in a decent restaurant for the least hours spent and some of them use weekend help. Even taking a couple of shifts a week will help a lot. You know, even an $8 an hour job only 16 hours a week amounts to $5,000 a year extra. Put that extra money toward your debts. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica73 Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 I don’t have much to say... except that when I read the title of your thread...my first response, without reading anything except the title would be “NO!!!” There is no changing a highly dysfunctional family. You have to take care of yourself. And the previous posts give better advice about how to do that than I could have. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Melrose78 Posted August 16, 2018 Share Posted August 16, 2018 From one girl from a totally dysfunctional family to another hold ur chin up high! Don't allow your parents or anyone else make u feel worthless. It sounds to me like u should be damn proud of everything u have achieved under such negative conditions! 1 thing that will help u greatly is working on ur own self esteem. Write a list of everything u have achieved no matter how small they are. Write a list of what ur grateful for. Write a list of ur dreams including dream jobs. Also, go talk to a counselor. Someone u click with. Bug hugs to u. The world is still ur oyster. Don't let the bastards beat u! Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted August 26, 2018 Share Posted August 26, 2018 I think you will be much better off in this new chapter. You can do it! Im surprised you stayed with them for 28 years but I guess with your self esteem taking a beating it would be hard to move out. Have you got a new job lined up where you're moving? Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted September 1, 2018 Share Posted September 1, 2018 If you decide in your heart that you want to get busy living and have a good life then there's hope. After my grandmother died I got on a plane to Florida with 15 grand in the bank, a duffel bag and backpack with my stuff, no car, no job, no place to live. Just started looking on craigslist after I got down here. Had to walk and take the bus everywhere. Now I'm engaged, making decent money working at the same place for almost 3 years, just bought a year old car with 25k miles that runs awesome. And I don't put up or keep in touch with my dysfunctional family. It worked out. You have to actually want to succeed though. If you let your guilt and upbringing strangle you then you probably won't make it. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted September 1, 2018 Share Posted September 1, 2018 If you've never seen The Shawshank Redemption confused, watch it. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts