Feeling like I don't fit in with husband's family

[Little Bird]

I've been married for almost a year now, and it's great and I'm happy. I get along with my husband's family and parents, but I find that my extreme introversion, and social anxiety make it difficult for me to talk about myself and allow his family to get to know me better even though I've known them for over 4 years since I first met them.

 

I have social anxiety in large groups and we tend to visit his family, which is a big family at least once a month. On top of that, his family are mostly all Christian and hold conservative views, while my husband and I are not religions and mostly liberal. I basically disagree with many of their opinions but keep it to myself. As well, all of his female siblings and relatives are stay at home moms and all they do is talk about their children, which is understandable. That's just how it is. My husband and I are the only people in his whole family including extended family (except for one aunt) who don't want children.

 

When the women in his family socialize I feel really left out. They don't have a lot of questions about my work, or anything and can't connect to what I do because I don't have kids. Often times, I just sit there and listen to them talk about children, motherhood types of things, and ask questions. When I mention anything about my work or life, they often have only a question or two and aren't really engaged.

 

Perhaps, I'm just not good at small talk. Actually I hate it.

 

And most of his family and in-laws, like his sister in-law have been in the family for 10 plus years. Maybe it's just a matter of time. Although maybe it's just as normal to never really be that close to your spouse's family.

 

Is this mostly all in my head? For some reason I feel really insecure and uncomfortable when visiting with his family. A part of it may be due to my social anxiety and has nothing to do with them.

 

Is there any advice I should take to make myself more comfortable around his family?

 

Thanks!

[d0nnivain]

I think sitting there & listening is fine. I don't have much in common with parents either because I'm not one. That said if you simply ask an open ended Q like "How is little Johnny or Suzy?" the parent will babble on & you can sit there nodding appropriately but basically ignoring them. You are right not to jump into the fray about religion or politics. just bite the inside of your cheek & count the minutes until you leave.

 

 

As for your social anxiety & inability to make small talk, think of these family outings as relatively safe spaces where you can practice. Hopefully these people love you because you are married to your husband so they should be welcoming as long as you steer away from the controversial topics. Us eth situation to "practice" so maybe you can reduce your stress in other situations.